Patti Murin

Bonjour, America! I currently just spent a gorgeous spring day in Paris sequestered my hotel room. Why, you ask? Because I had to watch the first episode of the new season of THE BACHELORETTE. If you're reading this, you probably would have done the same.

It's that time of year again as the intense big screen awards season comes to an end this Sunday with the biggest party in Hollywood, the Academy Awards. For the second year in a row, BroadwayWorld's favorite fashion icon, Patti Murin, will be here chronicling all of the Red Carpet action. 

I love musicals. The excitement of seeing a performance that only exists for one singular moment in time, so exquisitely choreographed in a hundred different ways to flow seamlessly, will never get old for me. I love when the lights go down at the beginning of a show, because literally anything is possible.

It's been a busy week for Patti Murin. On Monday, it was announced that the erstwhile Lysistrata Jones would be joining the cast of the upcoming Broadway show NERDS THE MUSICAL. That same day, she began rehearsals with co-stars Rory O'Malley, Bryan Fenkart, and Lindsay Mendez, and now, she is capping off her week by live-blogging the Academy Awards' Red Carpet.

Okay, maybe not the WHOLE reason 2016 exists, but at least 8-10 PM EST on Mondays for a few months. Welcome back, my loyal fellow Bachelor fans, and those random few who accidentally stumbled onto this recap and will now be forever hooked on the whole Bachelor/ette/in Paradise/Junior/New Orleans/Med franchise due to my brilliance wit and astute observations. Welcome one, welcome all! Maybe not all, but it better not be just one.

Well, hello again! Didn't we just see each other? Oh yes, we were only afforded a mere six day break before the premiere of the latest installment of the "Bachelor" franchise: Season 2 of "Bachelor in Paradise"! And paradise we are in indeed, as this season opens up in Sayulita, Mexico, a vacation destination that I have been dying to go to for years now. Hopefully these fools don't contaminate every hot tub in town before I get there. Let's get started, cause this was a three-hour event, and these people switch partners more often than I did in college. 

Good morning, all you stalwart Bachelorette fans! We've made it to the end of yet another season, and I believe I've consumed roughly 350 gallons of rose along the way. Last night's finale gathering was slightly epic, so excuse my tardiness with this recap. I viewed the Final Rose Ceremony with a host of Broadway and TV favorites, including Andrew Rannells, Mike Doyle, Nikki James, Zuzanna Szadkowski and Colin Donnell, as well as some non-actor friends who are willing to put up with my obsession and still come over to hang out.

Oh, man. Oh man oh man oh man oh man. I'm gonna be honest here: tonight's episode was full of man tears, 'important' discussions that literally went nowhere, and the superhero that is Kaitlyn's whole face of makeup that doesn't move, even when she sobs her eyes out. So many questions, so little time! Let's dive in.

Full disclosure #1: It's possible that I have never been so exhausted and hungover in my entire life. Full disclosure #2: I have definitely never been so happy in my entire life. This past weekend, Colin D. accepted my final rose and we said 'I Do' in the most fantastic wedding celebration that has ever existed. Going back to real life has been a challenge, because all I want to do is relive the magic and talk about it to anyone and everyone that will listen. So it's lucky for me that 'The Bachelorette' is on tonight, to help ease the transition back into normal, every day life. Except this time, with the best husband in the world by my side :)

Good day, Bachelorette lovers! This week's episode was full of drama, musical theatre and bromances gone wrong, much like most of my early 20s! Thank you for joining me yet again as we delve even deeper into Kaitlyn's search for everlasting love, or at least someone with nice lips.

WARNING: I'm on Day One of a juice cleanse and I can't have my regular glass of wine and bag of popcorn during this week's episode, so I may be crankier than usual. Also, I've never done a juice cleanse but after a week of drinking like a fish and eating grilled cheese and whole pints of ice cream at 2 AM, I figure my body could use a sensible break. NOW KEEP READING, DAMMIT, AND THEN SHARE THIS POST ON EVERY SOCIAL MEDIA PLATFORM THAT EXISTS OR I WILL COME TO YOUR HOUSE AND EAT YOU.

And it's officially Week Two of (The Search For Someone to Spend the Next Three to Six Months With But If You Last Longer Then You Have to Get Married On TV For Millions of Dollars Because You Quit Your Job to Go On) The Bachelorette! I raise my glass of some sort of yummy Greek white wine to all of you for watching, or just reading this recap in lieu of watching. It takes a village, people!

Welcome back, friends and family of The Bachelorette!!! The eleventh season has officially begun, and I am officially in my happy place. Although not quite as happy as I would normally be, due to the fact that this time around, there are TWO Bachelorettes to start. Kaitlyn, the fun-loving, Canadian dance instructor, and Britt, the absolutely stunning yet possibly manipulative waitress from Los Angeles (duh: actress). Can you tell whose side I'm on?

Hello, Bachelor fans! We meet again under bittersweet circumstances, as this is the finale episode this season. After three (three!) hours of programming, we will find out who Chris chose, if she chose him back, how the loser feels, and how the winner feels about their future husband shaking his booty in sparkly leotards on Dancing With the Stars. I rushed home from a long day out in NYC, and now I'm settled on the couch sans bra and pants shoes, eating a lovely meal of a microwave burrito with paper towel stuck to it cause I overheated it food. Let us journey to Iowa one final time…

Good morning, Bachelor friends!!! Last night ABC aired the grand Bachelor tradition that is “The Women Tell All,” and boy, did those women tell all. And by that, I mean they told absolutely nothing. Aside from the expected copious amounts of confrontation, use of the word “like,” and errant glitter that magically doesn't come off with tears, there were no big announcements tonight, like who the next Bachelorette will be, or whether Chris Soules is really the twelfth contestant on Dancing With the Stars (oh help us all). Unless you count the unveiling of Chris Harrison's romance novel (what?). In any case, we're going Buzzfeed style tonight and making this a super fun list recap. I need to save all possible brain power for next week's epic grand finale.

Good morning/night/afternoon fellow Bachelor fans! We have officially reached the most boring episode of the season! This is the uncomfortable point where there are only three normal gals left (as normal as you can get while still going on a nationally televised program to find a spouse), and Chris is so, so confused for the cameras, but secretly knows that this is the time to sow his wild oats (ha ha get it? Cause he's a farmer? The best jokes are the ones you have to explain) before committing himself to the lady he knew he was going to pick from Day One.

Hey Bachelor fans! I'm so sorry for missing last week (for all three of you who read this religiously; Hi Mom! Mom? You there?), but I was busy traveling across the country to the home base of 'The Bachelor,' Los Angeles! As it turns out, it's a damn good thing I couldn't recap, because this week we get a whopping FIVE HOURS of The Bachelor-related programming, and my brain needed the rest before this circus. Here. We. Go.

Hola, mis amigos! Monday night is here again, and after a long week of rehearsal (come see us at City Center this week in the Encores! production of 'Lady, Be Good!' (get tickets here), I'm ready to put my feet up and watch some ladies be crazy. And lucky for me, this episode of THE BACHELOR is SO nuts, it's not allowed in lunch boxes at fancy elementary schools.

Happy Snowmageddon 2015, my friends! Tonight, on a very special episode of 'Patti Watches 'The Bachelor,' Patti sits on her couch, cozy in her pink fuzzy onesie, drinking a bottle glass of champagne with her fiancee who may or may not like this show more than she does. Rehearsal was canceled for tomorrow on account of the blizzard that has fallen upon the East Coast (come see us in 'Lady, Be Good!' at Encores! City Center, February 4-8!), so we have hunkered down with our staples (ice cream, wine, cheese, candy, chips) ready to watch some bitches be cray. Here we go!

Good evening Broadway Bachelor fans! Tonight there is a special guest on the show, none other than the brilliant and hilarious Jimmy Kimmel. So in lieu of a recap, I will just be posting the transcript of the show, since he basically made all the jokes you could ever make, and did it way better than I ever could. See ya next week!