Patti Murin - Page 2

WARNING: I'm on Day One of a juice cleanse and I can't have my regular glass of wine and bag of popcorn during this week's episode, so I may be crankier than usual. Also, I've never done a juice cleanse but after a week of drinking like a fish and eating grilled cheese and whole pints of ice cream at 2 AM, I figure my body could use a sensible break. NOW KEEP READING, DAMMIT, AND THEN SHARE THIS POST ON EVERY SOCIAL MEDIA PLATFORM THAT EXISTS OR I WILL COME TO YOUR HOUSE AND EAT YOU.

And it's officially Week Two of (The Search For Someone to Spend the Next Three to Six Months With But If You Last Longer Then You Have to Get Married On TV For Millions of Dollars Because You Quit Your Job to Go On) The Bachelorette! I raise my glass of some sort of yummy Greek white wine to all of you for watching, or just reading this recap in lieu of watching. It takes a village, people!

Welcome back, friends and family of The Bachelorette!!! The eleventh season has officially begun, and I am officially in my happy place. Although not quite as happy as I would normally be, due to the fact that this time around, there are TWO Bachelorettes to start. Kaitlyn, the fun-loving, Canadian dance instructor, and Britt, the absolutely stunning yet possibly manipulative waitress from Los Angeles (duh: actress). Can you tell whose side I'm on?

Hello, Bachelor fans! We meet again under bittersweet circumstances, as this is the finale episode this season. After three (three!) hours of programming, we will find out who Chris chose, if she chose him back, how the loser feels, and how the winner feels about their future husband shaking his booty in sparkly leotards on Dancing With the Stars. I rushed home from a long day out in NYC, and now I'm settled on the couch sans bra and pants shoes, eating a lovely meal of a microwave burrito with paper towel stuck to it cause I overheated it food. Let us journey to Iowa one final time…

Good morning, Bachelor friends!!! Last night ABC aired the grand Bachelor tradition that is “The Women Tell All,” and boy, did those women tell all. And by that, I mean they told absolutely nothing. Aside from the expected copious amounts of confrontation, use of the word “like,” and errant glitter that magically doesn't come off with tears, there were no big announcements tonight, like who the next Bachelorette will be, or whether Chris Soules is really the twelfth contestant on Dancing With the Stars (oh help us all). Unless you count the unveiling of Chris Harrison's romance novel (what?). In any case, we're going Buzzfeed style tonight and making this a super fun list recap. I need to save all possible brain power for next week's epic grand finale.

Good morning/night/afternoon fellow Bachelor fans! We have officially reached the most boring episode of the season! This is the uncomfortable point where there are only three normal gals left (as normal as you can get while still going on a nationally televised program to find a spouse), and Chris is so, so confused for the cameras, but secretly knows that this is the time to sow his wild oats (ha ha get it? Cause he's a farmer? The best jokes are the ones you have to explain) before committing himself to the lady he knew he was going to pick from Day One.

Hey Bachelor fans! I'm so sorry for missing last week (for all three of you who read this religiously; Hi Mom! Mom? You there?), but I was busy traveling across the country to the home base of 'The Bachelor,' Los Angeles! As it turns out, it's a damn good thing I couldn't recap, because this week we get a whopping FIVE HOURS of The Bachelor-related programming, and my brain needed the rest before this circus. Here. We. Go.

Hola, mis amigos! Monday night is here again, and after a long week of rehearsal (come see us at City Center this week in the Encores! production of 'Lady, Be Good!' (get tickets here), I'm ready to put my feet up and watch some ladies be crazy. And lucky for me, this episode of THE BACHELOR is SO nuts, it's not allowed in lunch boxes at fancy elementary schools.

Happy Snowmageddon 2015, my friends! Tonight, on a very special episode of 'Patti Watches 'The Bachelor,' Patti sits on her couch, cozy in her pink fuzzy onesie, drinking a bottle glass of champagne with her fiancee who may or may not like this show more than she does. Rehearsal was canceled for tomorrow on account of the blizzard that has fallen upon the East Coast (come see us in 'Lady, Be Good!' at Encores! City Center, February 4-8!), so we have hunkered down with our staples (ice cream, wine, cheese, candy, chips) ready to watch some bitches be cray. Here we go!

Good evening Broadway Bachelor fans! Tonight there is a special guest on the show, none other than the brilliant and hilarious Jimmy Kimmel. So in lieu of a recap, I will just be posting the transcript of the show, since he basically made all the jokes you could ever make, and did it way better than I ever could. See ya next week!

Good morning, fellow Bachelor devotees! And I say that not because it's morning here (it's 11 PM on Tuesday and I'm SUPER late with this recap), but because the secondepisode opens immediately after last week's rose ceremony, which took place as the sun rose. It seems to be noon tomorrow as the girls give up on the whole 'standing' thing and just sprawl out on the floor in their cocktail dresses. Kimberly, a yoga instructor from Long Island who Farmer Chris did NOT give a rose to, re-enters THE BACHELOR compound and begs Chris for another chance. She is convinced that he did not keep her because she didn't actually get to physically talk to him that evening. Yes, Kimberly, in order to advance on The Bachelor, you must make human contact with The Bachelor. Got it now? Great. You may stay.

'Iowa is God's country,' says Chris Soules, America's First Farmer Bachelor (or AFFB). Chris was the hands-down fan favorite from last season of 'The Bachelorette' starring Andi Dorffman, mainly because of his charm, All-American good looks, and seemingly complete normality on a franchise riddled with potential sociopaths. In the requisite introductory sequence, Chris drives a tractor, gazes lovingly at his crops, and tastes a plant (peas? beans? what is it??) as he declares that 'love is a lot like farming,' and uses the word 'journey' for the first of many times this season.

It's a cool night here in East Haddam, Connecticut, but Tulum is blazing hot as we reach the climactic finale of BACHELOR IN PARADISE. And that's not just because every contestant's skin has either melted or peeled off due to excessive sun exposure. It's because tonight, we find out which of the couples that have formed over the past few weeks are willing to give their love a shot after this final Rose Ceremony. Or until they realize that there is no monetary prize at the end of this competition, and all they 'win' is the person they've 'chosen' as their 'partner.' Either way, I'm in!

When we asked Patti Murin to represent BroadwayWorld on a conference call with Nick the day after the finale aired, we weren't sure what we would get. Even though Patti was extremely professional, we think there might have been a bit of passive-aggressive insinuation in her question. What do you think? Also, Nick sounds like he is pretty nervous during this call. Do you think it might have something to do with completely breaking The Fantasy Suite's strict 'What Happens Here, Stays Here' policy on national TV?

When we asked Broadway's 'Lysistrata Jones,' Patti Murin, to recap 'The Bachelorette' Season Finale for BWW TV, I'm not sure who was more excited that she said yes, her or us. But there was no doubt who that she was way more excited when we asked if she wanted to represent BroadwayWorld TV on a conference call with 'The Bachelorette's' newest engaged couple... and most recent reject.

Tonight, Broadway's favorite cheerleader, Patti Murin, is sharing her expert insights into 'The 'Bachelorette' season finale. Did Andi give her final rose to Josh or Nick? Did he accept it? Did he propose? And what is this secret letter that Chris hands Andi before the Rose Ceremony? No matter what the answers to these questions are, Patti has all of the scoop with the insight that only a true Bacheloretteaholic can have. If you like what you seen in this column, you must head over to @PattiMurin and check out her live-tweets. Needless to say, Patti's not much for holding back; and that's why we love her!