Review: The ANNIE Remake is Bad, but Not Nearly as Bad as You Think

Full disclosure, I was completely ready to despise everything about the remake of ANNIE starring Jamie Foxx and Quvenzhané Wallis. In fact, I had already written the lede in my head, and let me tell you, it was scathing. But, then I saw the movie, and was pleasantly surprised by how not completely horrible it was. Yes, it will probably still rank as one of the worst big screen musical adaptations of the past decade; just above the disastrous NINE; but there was plenty to appreciate for musical theatre lovers young and old.

For ardent fans of the original 1977 musical, or the 1982 movie adaptation, this ANNIE has undergone a hip-hop reimagining, moving the action from the Great Depression to today. No longer is Oliver Warbucks a self-made business tycoon, but Will Stacks is a self-made cell phone tycoon running for Mayor of New York. His political campaign is what generally drives the story; after a chance meeting where Stacks saves Annie from being hit by a truck, his political fortunes take a dramatic up-swing, so his political advisor, Guy (played by two-time Tony-nominee Bobby Cannavale), arranges for his boss to take Annie in, specifically for photo opportunity purposes. Here is where I have a bit of consternation with the rewrites. In the original, Warbucks is a bit reluctant to bond with Annie, but having an orphan spend Christmas with him was in fact his generous idea, not that of a political spin doctor pandering for votes. Sure, this change has resulted in some of the show's signature sentimentality being erased by a healthy dose of modern cynicism, but perhaps this is an appropriate social commentary for a time when the average American is suspicious of every seemingly selfless move that the 1% makes.

There is a certain segment of theatrical devotees that do not take kindly to people "reimagining" their most beloved works, as evidenced by the outrage over rumored changes to the INTO THE WOODS film (which proved not to be true). However, without this type of creative reinvention, we would never have gotten WEST SIDE STORY, CLYBOURNE PARK, or "Hopelessly Devoted to You." So, when I heard that the new film version of ANNIE would feature a reworked script and lyrics, new songs, and a hip-hop mentality, I took a cue from the ever-optimistic orphan and hoped for the best. After all, "Little Orphan Annie" is over 90 years old, and her red jumper could use a bit of an update.

Despite the changes and the tonal shift in the script, the movie's biggest issue is in the casting. There is a certain part of the population that still purposely goes to see Cameron Diaz movies, but it certainly isn't to hear her sing. Fortunately for them, you really don't hear her sing in ANNIE all that much either, as her voice is so heavily auto-tuned that she is probably getting side-eye from everything that is wrong with GLEE. It is also pretty apparent that script writers Will Gluck (who also directed) and Aline Brosh McKenna knew that she wasn't going to be much of a singer, so they threw in a joke that Miss Hannigan was a disgraced former member of lip-synching super-group C&C Music Factory.

In addition to her comical "singing," Diaz is clearly the leader in the clubhouse for this year's Razzie for Worst Supporting Actress. The amount of mugging and over-acting she shells out almost makes it feel like she is in a different movie from the rest of the cast, who more or less play it straight. At one point, when her foster kids (no longer orphans) are laying it on thick for the benefit of a Social Services inspector, she warns them, "Take it down a thousand, nobody's gonna believe that." Truer words were never spoken Cameron, truer words were never spoken.

Then there is Rose Byrne, who is increasingly charming as Grace Farrell, Stacks' assistant. Just as she is currently doing in YOU CAN'T TAKE IT WITH YOU on Broadway, Byrne is full of genuine warmth and kindness, just as any good Grace Farrell should be. However, like Diaz, Byrne apparently doesn't have the pipes to carry any singing, as her parts are so overly produced, that it is difficult to tell if the voice we are hearing is actually that of a human or one of Stacks' smart house robots.

Jamie Foxx, an Oscar and two-time Grammy winner, is the musical bright spot in the movie. Though he sings little of the original score, his familiar R&B tone works well on the new songs written by Sia, Greg Kurstin, and the band Stargate, and his ability to mask insecurity with strength plays well in this version of the character.

Wallis again shows all of the spunk that earned her an Academy Award nomination for BEASTS OF THE SOUTHERN WILD. Though her Annie is not as optimistic and sun-shiney as we are used to, her drive and perseverance are very familiar traits for everyone's favorite orphan foster kid. And, her voice (if that is in fact her voice) was surprisingly strong.

Over the first third of the movie, I actually felt like this could give INTO THE WOODS a run for its money this holiday season; Diaz's overbearing presence notwithstanding. That's because the orphans, though a bit on the hammy side, were a lot of fun. The choreography by Zachary Woodlee was probably a little overly complicated throughout, but the girls handled it well. Though cut down to just five foster kids, including Annie, Nicolette Pierini, Amanda Troya, Eden Duncan-Smith, and Zoe Margaret Colletti more than make up for their smaller numbers.

Despite being produced hip-hop icons Jay Z and Will Smith, amongst others, including Jada Pinkett Smith, the movie does retain certain aspects of the musical's original score by Charles Strouse, however, much of it features rewritten lyrics. Unfortunately, the interpolated lyrics are generally so poor that they stick out like a sore thumb compared to the classics by Martin Charnin. The slant rhyme and terrible scansion is likely to make musical theatre purists cringe. Though it is the most glaring example, since we heard it on the Thanksgiving Day Parade, "No one cares for you a smidge/ When you're a foster kid," is only one of many examples of subpar lyric writing.

While I have a bit of an issue with the cynical spin that Gluck and Brosh McKenna put on the movie, I did appreciate many of their little touches. Other than Hannigan's over-the-top obnoxiousness, there was a lot of humor in the script, and tons of allusions to the original musical; from a tap-dancing red-head named Annie, to Annie B. (our Annie) doing a presentation on FDR, to Stacks giving Annie a helicopter ride around the Chrysler Building, to a jazz band being named "Leapin' Lizards," and many more.

There are a lot of plot differences that I won't go into, for fear of spoiling too much, but I would caution longtime ANNIE fans to remember that the 1982 Carol Burnett adaptation differed wildly from the stage version, but it is still cherished over 30 years later. So, if you are going to hate this ANNIE, do so for all of the many things that it does wrong (like the ending stolen directly from THE MUSIC MAN), not simply because it isn't the little orphan tale that you know and love.

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Check out the trailer below:

ANNIE starring Jamie Foxx, Cameron Diaz, Bobby Cannavale, Rose Byrne, and Quvenzhané Wallis is rated PG (for some mild language and rude humor), and opens nationwide on Friday, December 19th.

Were the dramatic changes too much for you to stomach, or did the heart of ANNIE's story win you over? Let me know what you think in the comments below, or on Twitter @BWWMatt. Also, make sure to follow @BWWMovieWorld for all of the biggest news from the world of movies.

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Photo Credit:
1) Jamie Foxx and Quvenzhané Wallis: Sony Pictures Entertainment
2) Rose Byrne and Quvenzhané Wallis: Sony Pictures Entertainment
3) Cameron Diaz, Zoe Margaret Colletti, Eden Duncan-Smith, Quvenzhane Wallis Nicolette Pierini, and Amanda Troya: Sony Pictures Entertainment
4) ANNIE cast: Sony Pictures Entertainment

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