BWW Exclusive: Stage Santa 2019! The Perfect Holiday Gifts for Your Favorite Broadway Characters
It's Christmas on Broadway and to celebrate we've decided to do some metaphorical gifting to all of our favorite Broadway characters.
The holiday season is a time to give back and so, for all of their hard work keeping us enthralled and entertained all year long, we've thought up some perfect holiday treats for our fictional friends!
Take a peek below to see our best gift ideas for Broadway's most beloved characters. Naughty or nice, they've earned just rewards for making this season on Broadway a joyous one!
Hades and Persephone - Hadestown
The First Couple of Hadestown has fallen on hard times emotionally speaking (as any relationship that kicks off with a kidnapping should). With Persephone gone for half the year livin' it up on top, that left plenty of time for Hades to morph into an authoritarian factory foreman with a penchant for rescuing lost, lovely songbirds. Though their relationship began its revival with Orpheus' stunning musical reminder of the love they once shared, years of simmering resentment and anger don't just disappear with couple of La La La's.
So we are gifting this estranged pair several relationship therapy sessions and a Groupon for a series of couples workshops to help them navigate their spring separation and those long winters way down.
Ado Annie - Oklahoma!
The lovely Miss Ado Annie of Oklahoma! just cain't say no to all the cowboys that come her way. This sexually liberated farm girl is playing the (literal) field and there's nothing prissy or quaint about it. But since dating is such a chore and you can never judge a Romeo in a sombrero and chaps by its cover, we're taking some of the guesswork out of her thriving love life with a yearly OkCupid membership. Now Annie can find her next conquest without ever leaving the comfort of her velveteen settee.
Karen - Mean Girls
All the vests.
Not since Michelle Obama have we seen such dedication to baring ones biceps than with the sweetly ditzy Karen from Mean Girls. With Regina out of the picture as Queen Bee, we want Karen to be her best sartorial self with an assortment of vests for every occasion. Disgusting or not, it's time to get liberated and lose those sleeves, sis. She can't control you anymore.
A New Home
This season brought us lots of good news, from Patti LuPone's Broadway return to the Caroline, or Change revival to BETH F#$%^&*! LEAVEL leading The Devil Wears Prada musical. But into every yin a little yang must fall, which is why we were all so bummed to hear that the ultra fun hit musical Beetlejuice will be closing up shop this June at the Winter Garden Theatre to make way for The Music Man.
Since the announcement, rumors of a new home for the show have been chattered about the rialto, so while we're making Christmas wishes, we will dream a little dream for the whole Beetlejuice family. May they find a new house to haunt to keep on making that beautiful sound. (We hear the Marquis is looking for a new tenant)
The Cast of Jagged Little Pill
Patience, Deliverance, A Soul Mate/Kindred, Intellectual Intercourse, Some Peace Man, A Wavelength, Some Comfort, Justice, etc.
We all have that one person in our lives who, despite all our best efforts, is impossible to shop for and never knows what they want. This is not the case with the company of Jagged Little Pill, who lay out their list of wishes and demands in the opening number, "All I Really Want." In the spirit of giving the people what they really want, we gift this lovely list of intangibles to the JLP cast of characters to soothe some of that famous Alanis angst.
Sandy - Tootsie
A Life Coach
Poor, anxiety-ridden Sandy. A truly lovable character loaded with issues and lacking in the self-esteem department, this floundering artist doesn't know if she will ever make it in show business or if she even wants to BE an actor at all. Life has gotten so rough she's turned jumping to the worst possible conclusions into an art form. To help her find a direction and cure some of her raging cognitive distortions, we are setting her up with a life coach. With a lot of therapy and a little soul-searching, who knows what could happen to this sweet supporting lady.
Tina Turner - Tina: The Tina Turner Musical
Rock N' Roll Hall of Fame Induction
Though Tina Turner has conquered both Broadway and the West End of late, there is one major institution that has not entirely appreciated her lifetime of achievements - the Rock n' Roll Hall of Fame.
While Tina made the cut with former husband, Ike, at the 1991 induction ceremony, she has yet to be honored for her solo career, which many would agree all but eclipses her early work.
In addition to her wealth of timeless solo hits, Tina has earned eleven Grammy nominations as a solo artist and holds the distinction of most concert tickets sold by a solo artist EVER, a title she has held in the Guinness Book of World records for nearly two decades.
It also goes without saying that Tina is the ultimate survivor, truly hitting her stride after rising above an abusive marriage to become one of the great solo artists of all time. When it comes to Hall of Fame inductees, it is high time that Tina earned her own place among them, 'cause let's be honest, she's simply the best!
George Washington - Hamilton
His Own Vine and Fig Tree
A soul as committed to the cause of the American experiment as George Washington doesn't have a ton of time for taking. So it comes as a total shock to Hamilton and every one else when the nation's first Commander in Chief takes off to Mount Vernon for a well-deserved retirement.
As the scriptures said, everyone must sit under their own vine and fig tree and as I said, every retiree needs some place to eat fruit, read the newspaper, and bitch about the world. So for Broadway's favorite former general, we gift his very own vine and fig tree. As the Lord intended. We were gonna go with cherries, but there's a history there so figs it is.
Bob Crachit - A Christmas Carol
More than one day off.
Here's the thing, Mr. Scrooge, fair wages are all well and fine, but your faithful accountant over there is in need of a more extended vacation than just Christmas Day (which he's supposed to get off anyway, you maniac). For Bob Crachit and family (but mostly Bob, honestly. The rest of them do so nothing) a two-week, all expenses paid getaway to the location of their dreams. Everyone will feel a lot more blessed after some fun in the sun and a few well-deserved mojitos.A