Highlights from SNL's Weekend Update with Seth Meyers, 3/9

Below, check out highlights from SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE'S WEEKEND UPDATE with Seth Meyers, from March 9!

"WEEKEND UPDATE" ANCHOR Seth Meyers - "Several anti-American leaders, including Raul Castro and Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, on Friday attended the funeral of Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez. A funeral that was held, I'm guessing, on an island shaped like a skull."

MEYERS - "Mexico's Carlos Slim tops this year's list of the richest people in the world with an estimated wealth of 73 billion dollars. Which in pesos works out to...infinity. Infinity pesos."

MEYERS - "Both Mark Hamill and Carrie Fisher have confirmed that they will reprise their roles of Luke Skywalker and Princess Leia in the upcoming Star Wars sequels. Said another former Star Wars actor, "Meesa waitin' by da phone!"

MEYERS - "The TSA this week announced that it will now allow airline passengers to carry previously banned pocket knives, baseball bats and pool cues on planes. And no one's happier than Honkytonk Bar Fight Airlines."

MEYERS - "Playboy this week launched a Hebrew language version of their magazine. Although as far as I know, it could have always been in Hebrew. And remember with the Hebrew edition you look at the models' breasts from right to left."

MEYERS - "A man in Maine was surprised when he found a knife inside his 2 year-old son's Elmo birthday cake. And a man in jail was disappointed to get a cake that was just Elmo."

MEYERS - "In an effort to stop declining sales, Hooters is now trying to attract women to their restaurants by remodeling stores and adding salads to the menu. Which is like trying to attract women to your sex dungeon by playing Adele in the background."

MEYERS - "This Sunday is Daylight Savings Time, so don't forget the clock on your oven will be wrong for six months."

To post a comment, you must register and login.