Check Out Quotables from TONIGHT SHOW STARRING JIMMY FALLON Week of 2/22

Below, check out quotables from NBC's 'THE TONIGHT SHOW STARRING JIMMY FALLON' February 22 - February 26:

Jimmy Fallon Quotables 2.22.16: After doing poorly in Iowa, New Hampshire, and South Carolina, Jeb Bush announced on Saturday night that he's dropping out of the race. Of course that means Marco Rubio and Ted Cruz are both hoping to pick up Jeb's supporters. The Jeb was like, (COCKY) "Joke's on you - I didn't HAVE any supporters!"

The other big news is that Donald Trump won all 50 delegates in Saturday's South Carolina primary. So if you're paying attention, this is the official point when people go from saying, "Oh, this is kinda fun!" to saying, "Oh my God, this is really happening!"

And when asked about the possibility that Mexico might not agree to pay for his border wall, Donald Trump said, "the wall just got ten feet higher." People in Mexico were like "Okay, well, our tunnels are exactly the same."

Oh, did you see this? While Donald Trump was speaking at a rally in Atlanta, the lights suddenly went out and Trump said he actually liked it more in the dark. Then Melania Trump was like, (ASIDE) "Join the club." ("Complete darkness, please!")

And this is kinda crazy. The actor who plays Chewbacca recently tweeted images from the original 1976 "Star Wars" script, which was called "The Adventures of Luke Starkiller." Which raises a lot of questions, like, "Why did the guy who played Chewbacca need a script?" (CHEWIE) Raaa awwr rerw.... Line?!

Jimmy Fallon Quotables 2.23.16

You guys, we have Kevin Spacey on the show tonight! That's right, the man who plays the scheming, diabolical President Frank Underwood - or as we'd call him in this election, "The safe choice."

We also have Bill Gates on the show tonight! We wanted to have a soft-spoken, thoughtful billionaire who is trying to make the world a better place, but since Donald Trump wasn't available...we went with Bill.

Actually tonight, the Republican candidates had their Nevada caucus, and caucus officials used their smartphones to report the results. Which is weird cuz usually officials get in trouble for using their phone to send pictures of their caucus.

Meanwhile, Ben Carson held a town hall event at a casino in Reno, and despite polling in last place, he said it's too early to give up. Even the old ladies sitting at the slot machines said, "This is just depressing."

And I saw that Ted Cruz's dad said that God sent a message to Ted Cruz's wife giving his permission to run for president. Though I'm not sure that's what God meant when he told Cruz's wife, "Run!!"

Some more election news. Yesterday, a group of more than 20 unions released a statement supporting Hillary Clinton for president, including the Bricklayers union. Then Donald Trump was like, (TRUMP) "Et tu, wall builders?!"

And this is just a crazy story. The Cuban government recently returned a missing U.S. missile that was sent to Europe for training but was accidentally shipped to Cuba. So the good news is that the missile was returned to America. But the bad news is THAT CAN HAPPEN! (We shipped a missile to the wrong- what?! What, did UPS leave a yellow post it on the wrong country?!)

Jimmy Fallon Quotables 2.24.16

Last night was the Republican Caucus in Nevaada, and Donald Trump scored a big victory, bringing him one step closer to the Republican nomination. Yeah, a Trump presidency is getting so real, Mexico is starting to think a wall is a pretty great idea. (We'll even pay for it. We just want to be on THIS side of it.)

And did you see this? Donald Trump said that if elected president, he'd look into prosecuting Hillary Clinton for using her private email server. Though if Trump wins, Hillary will already be on trial for murdering her entire campaign staff. "HOW COULD YOU LET THIS HAPPEN!"

And this is pretty big. Yesterday, President Obama announced his plans to close the prison at Guantanamo Bay, Cuba. Not to be outdone, Donald Trump announced that he wants to open a CHAIN of Guantanamo Bays. (TRUMP) "One on every corner. They'll be like the Starbucks of detention centers...)

Listen to this. NASA said this week it has received a record high number of 18,000 applications for their astronaut-training program. NASA said it shows a growing interest in space exploration - then people said, "Nah - we just wanna get off the planet before this election."

And Knicks' coach Kurt Rambis is still facing questions after he apparently liked a tweet from a porn site called "iLike2touch. Of course Rambis is now saying that he didn't like the tweet and that he was hacked. In related news, (WHISPER) "No he wasn't."

This is pretty cool. Hasbro announced they are making a new version of "Monopoly" to appeal to a younger generation. That means it won't come with any cash, so you'll have to borrow some from your parents' Monopoly set.

And I don't know what to think about this. Whole Foods is looking into the idea of putting tattoo parlors in their grocery stores. Even still, the people walking out of Whole Foods with the biggest sense of regret will still be whoever just paid eight dollars for an apple. (But it's a free range apple.)

Oh this is a pretty weird story. Officials in an Oregon neighborhood are investigating a mysterious shrieking sound that only seems to happen at night. Some people think it's an owl, while one guy says it has absolutely nothing to do with his basement.

Jimmy Fallon Quotables 2.25.16

Tonight in Houston, TX there was yet another Republican debate. Even the people on Grey's Anatomy were like, "How long does this go on?!"

Yeah, tonight was the TENTH Republican debate. You could tell the candidates are getting bored up there cuz at one point, they took turns prank calling Jeb Bush.

That's right, there was another debate. I'm not saying they're running out of topics, but this one was "Batman vs. Superman." (TRUMP) "On one hand, Batman's an eccentric billionaire, just like me. But on the other hand, Superman is SUPER, just like me."

And last night, John Kasich said his favorite president was George Washington, because he could have been president forever but stepped down after two terms. While Donald Trump said his favorite president was George Washington cuz he also wore a fantastic wig.

And I saw that MITT Romney recently accused Trump of having a "bombshell" in his tax returns. And then Trump responded by tweeting that Romney "blew an election." Yeah, Donald Trump is fighting with MITT Romney. Even the Oscars were like, "That's just too white."

And in a new interview, Donald Trump's wife Melania said that she speaks English, Italian, French, and German. Which is good, cuz if she ever becomes first lady, she'll need to apologize for her husband in at least those four languages.

Some more election news, the South Carolina Democratic primary is Saturday, and Hillary Clinton holds a double-digit lead over Bernie Sanders in the state. When asked how he'd go after Southern voters, Bernie Sanders said, (SOUTHERN) "Please, call me COLONEL Sanders."

And Hillary Clinton appeared on the "Steve Harvey Show" yesterday, and said she prefers thin crust pizza to deep dish pizza. When asked what her favorite toppings are, Hillary was like, "I will release my favorite toppings when all the other candidates release their favorite toppings!"

Jimmy Fallon Quotables 2.26.16

Yeah, it got CRAZY. And during the debate, people noticed there was a woman who kept screaming in the audience. Then Hillary was like, "I'm sorry - I just love how this is going! Perfect! Couldn't be more perfect!"

And I saw that former President George H.W. Bush and his wife Barbara were in attendance for the debate. Or as Jeb put it, "The first debate I'm NOT in is the one you show up to?? Thanks a lot, DAD. This is just like Little League! (And my graduation!...and my wedding!)

Some crazy tech news. I saw that a company in Boston built a 5 foot 9 robot that can open doors, and can actually get back up if it's punched. They didn't MEAN to test whether it can get up after being punched, but well, it's Boston. (BOSTON) "Not so tough, are ya, Terminator?"

To post a comment, you must register and login.