Overindulgence occurs with both permissive and authoritarian parents for a variety of reasons. It can stem from guilt so they compensate by spending too much on material things, or from a lack of structure - no rules to follow, no chores to perform. No matter the reason, the result of overindulgence is resentment and difficulties later in life. How Much is Too Much? Raising Likeable, Responsible, Respectful Children from Toddlers to Teens in an Age of Overindulgence (Da Capo Press) by Jean Illsley Clarke, Connie Dawson and David Bredehoft is an easy-to-understand guide, supported by science, that helps parents and professionals to not only recognize the problem but provides sound advice.
How Much is Too Much? is not based on the opinions of the authors but rather from 10 research studies through Concordia University, St. Paul, MN, involving over 3500 participants. Regardless of the parenting style they were exposed to, all adults who were overindulged during childhood resented it. While the over-nurture taught them to be helpless and to expect others to do things for them, from the soft-structure they learned how to be irresponsible and they lacked skills, including relationship skills. As adults they feel entitled to more of everything, have trouble finding meaning in times of hardship, and are not interested in spiritual growth. They are likely to be ungrateful, unhappy and unable to delay gratification. They may seek fame, wealth and image with no interest in helping others or making the world a better place. We know these are not the outcomes parents intended, but unfortunately overindulgence has become the new normal.Videos