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LEARN THEATER ETIQUETTE HERE! (rant)

taboo123 Profile Photo
taboo123
Broadway Legend
joined:5/27/05
I'm so disgraced by people and their theater conduct (or lack thereof)...

So I figured- please post your suggestions to teach people what NOT to do in hopes that people in general can read this and hoping it can help our theater experiences.

1)Name the Show.
2)Begin with a brief description of the culprit
3) add your rant afterwards----
4) add a punishment

I find this will be therapeutic for most of us who have any respect left for the stage.




---------

FALLING:

Hey--- MAN in your 40's with the red beret and black/white striped shirt:

DO NOT, I repeat DO NOT open a bag of bite-sized pretzels in the middle of a performance and start chomping on them while rustling your hands in the bag searching for the next pretzel - you inconsiderate moron.
AND THEN, do not proceed to check your messages on your phone as your light can be seen down the aisle and behind you. UGH

Punishment: We take you outside at intermission and place the plastic ziplock bag over your head until you suffocate.

BRING IT ON:

and you, stupid woman in her 50's at the end of the row:


IF you have a CHRONIC cough- do NOT go to the theater. PERIOD.
You do not go to a performance under this condition especially if your phlegmy, hacking cough is going to be heard during the ENTIRE DURATION of the show- after a few minutes, you should have WALKED OUT!

AND FURTHERMORE- do NOT throw all your tissues on the floor of the theater as the rest of the row has to graze by your diseased seat and some poor usher has to now pick up your snotty, contagion-ridden tissues....UGH!

Punishment: The audience chokes you to death by stuffing your mouth with the very same tissues you left all over the floor.

















Updated On: 10/14/12 at 08:34 AM
chewy5000 Profile Photo
chewy5000
Broadway Legend
joined:12/1/09
LEARN THEATER ETIQUETTE HERE! (rant)
Posted: 10/7/12 at 08:38am
I approve of this thread.
IMHO I see Queenie as being more of a brunette...
tazber Profile Photo
tazber
Broadway Legend
joined:5/10/05
LEARN THEATER ETIQUETTE HERE! (rant)
Posted: 10/7/12 at 08:39am
Book of Mormon

The Crime:
Hey! Annoying 14 year old, I think it's great that you love musicals but YOU DO NOT SING EVERY WORD TO EVERY SONG AUDIBLY AND OFF KEY.
Leave that to the actors thank you very much.

The Punishment:
You must wear muzzle when you go to any live theatrical event.
....but the world goes 'round
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aasjb4ever
Broadway Legend
joined:3/29/09
LEARN THEATER ETIQUETTE HERE! (rant)
Posted: 10/7/12 at 08:52am
1) Cyrano de Bergerac
2) Chubby teenager sitting alone in the last row of the mezzanine
3) TEXTING THROUGHOUT THE ENTIRE SHOW! I get that you think it was boring, but you paid good money to see this lush revival!
4) He walked out at intermission, so I guess that should be the best punishment.


Wait...that was me...
What a colossal piece of crap! It'll probably run for years.
qazdannywsx
Chorus Member
joined:10/1/12
LEARN THEATER ETIQUETTE HERE! (rant)
Posted: 10/7/12 at 09:03am
Mamma Mia

Hi foreign women who decided to bring her 8YO to see a show in NY. That's great, but if she doesn't understand English and you have to loudly translate EVERY SINGLE LINE into whatever language you speak, DONT BRING HER TO SEE A SHOW IN ENGLISH. And if I turn around to give you an evil look, you better shut the hell up.
Punishment: some form of cruel death and paying back all the audience members in a radius of about 10 meters around you, whoe experience you ruined with your irritating rude loud voice.
tazber Profile Photo
tazber
Broadway Legend
joined:5/10/05
LEARN THEATER ETIQUETTE HERE! (rant)
Posted: 10/7/12 at 09:03am
Local production of Fences

The Crime:
I think it's great that you are proud of your son. And I know you're over the moon that he's starring in a local production.
But standing up when you're seated in the middle of the orchestra to snap photos with your polaroid is not cool. Not only do you block half the audience's view, but the flash is distracting to everyone. Including your son!

Punishment:
You shall be relegated to the back of the house (behind the last row) and relinquished of all flash bulbs.
....but the world goes 'round
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sinister teashop
Stand-by
joined:3/5/08
LEARN THEATER ETIQUETTE HERE! (rant)
Posted: 10/7/12 at 11:30am
Two comments from Samuel Pepys:

Show: The Lost Lady

Venue: The King's House Theater

Crime: "I was sitting in a dark place and a lady spit backwards on me by mistake. But after seeing her to be a very pretty lady I was not troubled at all."

----------

Show: Othello

Venue: Cockpit Theater

Crime: "A pretty lady seated next to me called out to see Desdemona smothered."
"Riches of the imagination, not the imagination of riches." - Charles Ludlam
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BroadwayGuy12
Broadway Star
joined:12/22/07
LEARN THEATER ETIQUETTE HERE! (rant)
Posted: 10/7/12 at 12:14pm
Show: ANNIE

Culprit: Nearly everyone in the audience

Crime: Unwrapping candy loudly throughout the ENTIRE show, playing on smartphones, children deciding not to sit on their booster seats and kicking them throughout the show instead, kicking chairs, getting up and walking around during the performance, continuously talking as if they were watching a movie in their own living room, and never saying excuse me when the person sitting on the aisle (me) moves to let you into/out of the row--even while the show is going on.

Serious question: I don't recall there being a pre-show announcement before it started yesterday and, while I know this wouldn't stop a large chunk of this behavior, I still wish one had been included. Is it worth it to write a letter to the house manager (or whomever) to detail my experience yesterday and hope they make a change? My experience at the show was nearly ruined because the audience was an absolute nightmare, and it really was the first time I've seriously thought about writing a letter. I would feel bad complaining because the ushers were doing their best to keep up, but there were just too many distractions. Is it worth it to point this out to someone at the Palace in hopes of bettering the experience for others in the future?
Could I leave you, and your shelves of the world's best books?
taboo123 Profile Photo
taboo123
Broadway Legend
joined:5/27/05
LEARN THEATER ETIQUETTE HERE! (rant)
Posted: 10/7/12 at 12:23pm
broadwayGuy12:

You need to write a couple of letters.

The Palace Theater (hand deliver it)
The Stage Manager (leave it at the box office)
Brian Ronan (The Sound Designer)
The NEderlander Organization
and Arielle Tepper Madover (producer)


We need to start taking action right away. These producers have to know that enough is enough.

After reading this review of the audience- I will not even bother to see it.



Updated On: 10/7/12 at 12:23 PM
Marianne2 Profile Photo
Marianne2
Broadway Legend
joined:3/28/08
LEARN THEATER ETIQUETTE HERE! (rant)
Posted: 10/7/12 at 12:25pm
Show: Into the Woods

Culprit: Girl in her 20's, I guess.

Crime: Talking on cell phone in the middle of the performance.

Punishment: Whole audience should be able to tell them to STFU, which leads to the cast on stage noticing. Donna Murphy and Amy Adams should be able to come off stage to take the person's cell phone and bring it on stage with them to tell the person on the other end what they did. Then they should break the phone into a million pieces.

Okay, I don't like interrupted performances, but I would laugh if that actually happened.
"I don't want the pretty lights to come and get me."-Homecoming 2005 "You can't pray away the gay."-Callie Torres on Grey's Anatomy. Ignored Users: suestorm, N2N Nate., Owen22, master bates
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BWFan101
Understudy
joined:9/15/12
LEARN THEATER ETIQUETTE HERE! (rant)
Posted: 10/7/12 at 01:35pm
Show: Once

Culprit: Man in his 50s/60s

Rant: Said culprit, sitting with a wide Larry Craig-like stance taking up 1/2 of my seat, obnoxiously laughed very loud throughout the entire show. Was Once even a comedy? I couldn't tell. When he wasn't laughing he was kissing his as equally elderly wife/girlfriend/mistress.

Punishment: I hope he ran out of viagra that night.
Common sense? What's common about it? No one has common sense. It should be called rare sense.
yankeefan7
Broadway Legend
joined:4/14/12
LEARN THEATER ETIQUETTE HERE! (rant)
Posted: 10/7/12 at 01:45pm
BroadWayGuy12 - I agree with the noise of people unwrapping candy but I blame Broadway theaters a bit also. Years ago, you were not allowed to bring candy or drinks to your seat. I understand they wanted to add more revenue but it has made people think that live theater is not any different than going to the movies which is sad.
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PalJoey
Broadway Legend
joined:3/11/04
LEARN THEATER ETIQUETTE HERE! (rant)
Posted: 10/7/12 at 01:53pm
Again, I repeat, ushers should be armed with tasers. A cast member should make an announcement before the show:

"Thank you for coming to our show tonight. In order to ensure the complete enjoyments of everyone in the audience, please understand that anyone whose cell phone goes off WILL be tasered. Anyone talking during the performance WILL be tasered. Anyone crinkling candy wrappers WILL be tasered. Anyone singing along unless expressly requested to by a performer onstage will be tasered. Thank you for coming, and enjoy an uninterrupted show!"
yr pal,
joey




Blocked so far: suestorm, Master Bates
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uncageg
Broadway Legend
joined:5/13/04
LEARN THEATER ETIQUETTE HERE! (rant)
Posted: 10/7/12 at 01:55pm
PalJoey, that is too funny because I joke about doing that quite often!
Just give the world Love.
Jon
Broadway Legend
joined:2/20/04
LEARN THEATER ETIQUETTE HERE! (rant)
Posted: 10/7/12 at 01:58pm
I remember in the 1960's, the only refreshments sold in theatres were little cardboard cartons of orange drink. People would run to a nearby bar during intermission (as seen in the original "Producers" movie).
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Marianne2
Broadway Legend
joined:3/28/08
LEARN THEATER ETIQUETTE HERE! (rant)
Posted: 10/7/12 at 02:44pm
I love that idea, PalJoey. But, can the ushers taser offending audience members and then the cast can destroy the phone on stage?
"I don't want the pretty lights to come and get me."-Homecoming 2005 "You can't pray away the gay."-Callie Torres on Grey's Anatomy. Ignored Users: suestorm, N2N Nate., Owen22, master bates
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rhdery
Understudy
joined:7/22/12
LEARN THEATER ETIQUETTE HERE! (rant)
Posted: 10/7/12 at 05:13pm
Show: Once

Culprit: we'll-dressed man in 50s.

Crime-- shaking his cup constantly creating a clicking sound from the ice sloshing around.

Punishment: mouth is packed with ice and then taped shut.

This is another one I blame on theaters. Sell drinks with NO ice. Please. People will always buy booze, ice or no ice.

Ditto the idea of handing people crinkly plastic bags full of food. Why would you do this? Why? Package them in boxes which can be recycled and charge an extra 19 cents for the love of God.
JBC2
Chorus Member
joined:5/4/12
LEARN THEATER ETIQUETTE HERE! (rant)
Posted: 10/7/12 at 05:49pm
RENT
20-something girl.
I was in the 4th or 5th row, and this girl was sitting on my left. Not only did she sing along with EVERY song in the show, I guess she wanted us all to know what a RENTHEAD she was, because she also spoke every single line along with the actors.

After I asked her to cease and desist, she lowered her speaking and singing voice to a whisper. Still very annoying.

Punishment? I think she should be forced to perform the entire show, backwards.
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bwaylvsong
Broadway Legend
joined:7/28/05
LEARN THEATER ETIQUETTE HERE! (rant)
Posted: 10/7/12 at 07:30pm
Rhdery, they already sell drinks without ice at straight plays.
taboo123 Profile Photo
taboo123
Broadway Legend
joined:5/27/05
LEARN THEATER ETIQUETTE HERE! (rant)
Posted: 10/8/12 at 10:36am
PalJoey

Brilliant. Just Brilliant
taboo123 Profile Photo
taboo123
Broadway Legend
joined:5/27/05
LEARN THEATER ETIQUETTE HERE! (rant)
Posted: 10/14/12 at 12:19pm
SHAME on VERIZON for putting this Commercial out there!

Can BROADWAYWORLD start a petition to take this OFF the AIR?

Patti Lupone would NOT let this happen in her school show, especially if she was performing her bit from Sweeney Todd.


This is HORRIBLE- what are we teaching our audiences here????


Culprit: VERIZON

Act of Crime: This commercial

PUNISHMENT: stuff the kid in the tuba and the audience gets their electronic devices slammed across their faces... THEN we sick Patti Lupone on your ass!!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GsgRXxGhuec&feature=player_embedded



This commercial should be banned. The theater community should do something about it. How would you start an online petition? anyone know how?




VERIZON's SHAMEFUL COMMERCIAL
Updated On: 10/14/12 at 12:19 PM
ghostlight2
Broadway Legend
joined:12/5/04
LEARN THEATER ETIQUETTE HERE! (rant)
Posted: 10/14/12 at 02:40pm
Suffocate and tazer people for bad manners? My, but you're a violent lot.

"After reading this review of the audience- I will not even bother to see it."

You won't see a show b/c someone on a message board complained about the audience?

Good grief! If someone is behaving badly, speak up or get an usher.

PS: do you really think we need to start banning commercials b/c you don't like their content? I hope you were kidding.
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LizzieCurry
Broadway Legend
joined:3/7/05
LEARN THEATER ETIQUETTE HERE! (rant)
Posted: 10/14/12 at 02:48pm
Last night I shushed someone who'd been talking for most of the show... she then told me to **** off, then got up and complained to an usher ABOUT ME.

After the usher said, well, I'm not sure what, the girl sat back down again and enjoyed her 15th gin and tonic, somewhat quietly.

I would've liked a tazer.
"Don't patronize me, alright?" - BroadwayStar4
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Jersey Girl2
Broadway Star
joined:12/16/07
LEARN THEATER ETIQUETTE HERE! (rant)
Posted: 10/14/12 at 03:52pm
>>>>>This is HORRIBLE- what are we teaching our audiences here?
This was not a Broadway show or even a HS production. It was a child's recital or concert Although exaggerated, I see nothing wrong with it. Parents have always recorded their children's concerts, and school productions. It just gives the child the message that his family, even if they couldn't be there are interested in his activities.
Dont stop believin'
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Playbilly
Broadway Legend
joined:3/30/12
LEARN THEATER ETIQUETTE HERE! (rant)
Posted: 10/14/12 at 04:07pm
Agreed. It's a recital in the commercial. If nothing, the commercial says the RIGHT thing to sit in the front row, so you won't disturb anyone.

I'm grateful the "twitter seats" of GODSPELL never caught on. Did anyone endure those? I'm curious.
"Through The Sacrifice You Made, We Can't Believe The Price You Paid..For Love!"
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ryantbo2
Understudy
joined:4/28/09
LEARN THEATER ETIQUETTE HERE! (rant)
Posted: 10/14/12 at 05:18pm
one of the best I saw of this was attending Signature Theater a few years back. Sitting next to my partner and I was a VERY well dressed Upper East side type audience member. BEHIND us was what appeared to be a mother and daughter. The mother was obviously hard of hearing and talked and asked questions and repeated dialog during the entire show. Several backward glances did not seem to deter her. AS SOON AS the lights went out for curtain call, the woman next to us spun her head around in what could only be described as looking like Linda Blair in The Exorcist. BUT not to downplay her breeding she looked right at the duo and said "There is a certain decorum one MUST follow when in the theater, and not speaking is top of the list". When the daughter explained that the mother was hard of hearing - did I mention they were in the 2nd row - and didn't get out much the patron explained "then maybe you should leave her home with the television turned way up". Then the patron turned back around and applauded the curtain call. Whenever I see anyone displaying bad behavior at I show, I look to my partner and say "There is a certain decorum"

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