Very Un-Christlike Post Jesus Christ Superstar Assault!

[Kelly2]

Posted: 6/5/12 at 10:19pm

I haven't posted on here in years but I had an experience tonight taking my mother to see Jesus Christ Superstar (one of her all-time favorite shows) that defies logic and reason in a really uncommonly special way. So before the show, we're sitting in our seats front mezz in the center, and the woman next to me is texting furiously. This is fine, as the show has not begun, but when the lights go down and the music kicks in and she is still furiously tapping away on her phone, I don't excuse it. I gave her a 30 second grace period hoping that she was "finishing up" or "turning it off" and after that was over, I politely leaned over and asked her if she could turn her phone off.

Well, I think that in her head she heard me asking her for the blood of her firstborn or something because she started hissing at me about "Who do you think you are? You don't work here. You don't get to tell me what to do." So I shrugged and said "Fine. If you're not gonna turn it off, I'll go get an usher." And she snapped "Yeah, you go do that." So...I did. A lovely usher came over and spoke to her, she leaned around the usher and shouted "Gee thanks, bitch" at me, and the usher told her basically to shut up or leave. So she quieted down. This woman was super lovely and helpful and told me if I had any issues or wanted to be reseated, I could come find her, etc.

So, the rest of the show was copacetic and I figured all was well and maybe in the end someone had learned a lesson about cellphone etiquette. I guess that would involve having a regard for etiquette in general, and since this woman chased me across 2 lanes of traffic as I tried to cross the street and then stood ON MY FEET (!?!?) and put her hands on my shoulders, screaming "Go ahead and act tough now, bitch! You think you're tough? Come at me now, I bet I could kick your ass, you wanna try me!" ... Um. What? For visual purposes, I am about 5'6" and fairly slim, and she was about 3 inches shorter than me and at least twice my weight. I tried to explain to her that there were signs in the theatre, she wasn't allowed, and she needs to stop getting up my ****ing ass because she's mad that she couldn't text during a Broadway show, but she like isn't letting me get a word in edgewise and keeps shouting at me. Finally, a rent-a-cop in a golf cart meanders by, I flag him down, and she takes off running. He went to go find it and came back to get a full description from me and took my number, since apparently that counts as assault! Hooray!

And all of this immediately after a show that projects bible verses on a giant projection screen. Sigh. My god, why have you forgotten me?

[Mr Roxy]

Posted: 6/5/12 at 10:27pm

Welcome to Broadway.

[Kelly2]

Posted: 6/5/12 at 10:29pm

I'm not sure this is the "Welcome to Broadway" moment of my life. I think it's more like "Welcome to Crazytown" (though I will give you that there is very little difference).

[castlestreet]

Posted: 6/5/12 at 10:31pm

The joys of live theater- sometimes audience behavior is better than what's happening onstage...

[Mr Roxy]

Posted: 6/5/12 at 10:42pm

She sounded like one crazy *****

Why spend big bucks for a ticket.She could just sit in. Micky D's and text to her hearts content

[keb2]

Posted: 6/5/12 at 10:50pm

wait that's so weird. I was also at JCS tonight, but sitting in the orchestra, and the woman next to me arrived late, texted through the next three songs, and then TOOK A PHONE CALL DURING THE SHOW. Like really. Really. REALLY?! I mean it's a loud show, but there are some things you just. don't. do. LIKE ANSWER YOUR PHONE DURING THE SHOW.

Luckily, I asked her at intermission not to use her phone and she told me it had died and that was the end of that. Except for her loud munching during the quiet moments in the beginning of the second act.

[Bettyboy72]

Posted: 6/5/12 at 10:51pm

I'm sorry that happened to you. That's like the woman who was on her phone and filming during almost an entire Olivia Newton John concert. When I asked her to stop, she attacked me and said her brother was dying of cancer and thats who she was on the phone with.

When I suggested maybe she should be with him instead of at a concert, I literally had to run for my life as she was prepared to kill.

People are very complex.I honestly just has empathy for her-what kind of life must she lead?

Posted: 6/5/12 at 10:52pm

I hope you dialed 911.

[ljay889]

Posted: 6/5/12 at 10:56pm

Crap, that's scary. Did she assault you in front of your mother?

[Kelly2]

Posted: 6/5/12 at 11:03pm

My mother was actually getting her car from the parking garage, so she missed most of it, though she came out near the tail-end and went pretty hood on this woman. Impressive.

We didn't call 911, Joe, because there was a cop on the street and he was really great and took down her description and the info I had from me and my number. I know the likelihood something will come of it is pretty low, but he was really helpful and it made my mother feel better to "do something" about it. Sadly, she will probably live free to terrorize another day.

[CATSNYrevival]

Posted: 6/5/12 at 11:03pm

Wait that's so weird! I was also at JCS tonight, and this total biotch next to me actually had the nerve to ask me to stop texting during the show! It was the fu@*ing Overture! Who the hell cares about the Overture!?!

I cussed her out and next thing I know she's got some usher telling me to leave when I paid just as much money as this whiny bi*ch sitting next to me. At that point I had to stop texing because apparently the theatre has some lame-ass rule about texting during a performance, but I thought that was just for normal a$$-holes who don't know how to be discreet about it. I'm totally exempt from that. I know how to text without annoying people. This bi*ch was just being too sensitive.

I tracked her down on the street after and tried to shank her, but apparently she's got all of New York on her side, and she got some 7 dollar an hour rent-a-cop chasing me on a bicycle. I'm not allowed to violate my parole so I had to get the fu@k out of there, but if I see this bi*ch again I'm totally gonna let her have it!

Updated On: 6/5/12 at 11:03 PM

[Kelly2]

Posted: 6/5/12 at 11:04pm

Cats...LOL. Bring it on.

[CATSNYrevival]

Posted: 6/5/12 at 11:08pm

[PalJoey]

Posted: 6/5/12 at 11:11pm

Every New Yorker knows if you can't ignore 'em, out-crazy 'em.

When she followed you in the street, your first impulse should have been to scream at the top of your lungs, "HELP! HELP! HELP ME! HELP ME! THIS WOMAN IS GOING TO KILL ME! SHE SAID SHE'S GOING TO KILL ME! HELP ME! HELP ME! SOMEBODY HELP ME!"

Times Square is crowded. She would have been tackled.

[keb2]

Posted: 6/5/12 at 11:36pm

but the Neil Simon is on 52! It's so quiet up there...

[Kelly2]

Posted: 6/5/12 at 11:45pm

PalJoey, this New Yorker generally operates on the "if you can't ignore 'em, ignore 'em harder". Sadly, this situation escalated beyond that.

[EricMontreal22]

Posted: 6/5/12 at 11:47pm

Was she obviously drunk or something? I can understand, on some level, rude people who text throughout a show or even react negatively when you ask them to stop--but to go after you? She must really have a wonderful life if she spent all show sitting there fuming about how to get back at you. I'm glad you and your mother managed to enjoy the show anyway.

[CATSNYrevival]

Posted: 6/5/12 at 11:47pm

Next time, just bring one of those stun guns to the theatre and zap anyone who's texting.

[PalJoey]

Posted: 6/5/12 at 11:51pm

You scream, you scream LOUD, and you control the narrative that YOU are the victim, not she--and that you are vulnerable and scared and that she is violent. "SHE'S GOT A GUN!" is best. "SHE'S GOT A KNIFE!" lacks the Fear Quotient. "SHE'S GOT A BOMB!" is a new one that might work in the short term, but the cops tend to get angry at you when the bomb squad arrives and declares it a fake.

Updated On: 6/6/12 at 11:51 PM

[inlovewithjerryherman]

Posted: 6/5/12 at 11:52pm

omg PJ I literally just spit my Fat Tire all over my Mac laughing.

I'm sorry that happened to you, Kelly2. Crazy bizatch. And i was frustrated at a woman tonight in Chicago who was openly snorting at the potential for a gay kiss on stage this evening.

Updated On: 6/5/12 at 11:52 PM

[HorseTears]

Posted: 6/6/12 at 2:26am

Jesus Christ! I never encounter people like this at LA or San Diego theatres. Maybe because when people are going to theatre in So Cal it's more of an occasional treat?

[Bwaydide92]

Posted: 6/6/12 at 2:36am

^Yeah I always find it weird when I read these stories. Things like this never happen to me. The worst was when some people walked out at a curtain call and my brother and I told them that was rude. New Yorkers must really be angry. hahaha.

Glad you're okay. Maybe Broadway theatres will install cell phone jammers to avoid this all together.

Is it that crazy in the Orchestra?

[dramamama611]

Posted: 6/6/12 at 4:12am

Because these kinds of stories only happen to a very small percentage of people.


WHY/HOW could it only happen in the mezz and not in orch? Considering the OP mentioned she was front mezz, that's the same price as the orchestra (aside from premium seating). If anything, the MORE people pay the more they think they have the right to do whatever they want.

These are the stories that remind me not to address the evil-doer directly, but to always get an usher.


Sorry to the OP for the experience.

[SNAFU]

Posted: 6/6/12 at 6:08am

It's Bath Salts I tell you!

[CarlosAlberto]

Posted: 6/6/12 at 6:32am

The b!tch would have gotten to hits to the dome if she tried that sh!t with me.