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Very Funny Female Monologues

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Broadwayluva
Broadway Star
joined:10/21/05
Very Funny Female Monologues
Posted: 4/29/11 at 10:19pm
Hey guys! Just wondering if there were any suggestions for a very funny female monologue for an audition I have. I've found a couple possible ones but I feel like there are better ones out there that I'm simply not thinking of. Any help would be great. Thank you!!!
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TheKandyLife
Stand-by
joined:6/3/10
Very Funny Female Monologues
Posted: 4/29/11 at 11:47pm
There's one I am VERY fond of... Apparently, It's based on an old Gerard Hoffnung story. It's commonly known as "The Bricklayer's Lament"

Here's a fantastic version of it, by Terry Neason (who i has a pleasure to see, and meet, when she was in Gypsy, in Glasgow)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hNzYijcfa1U

Strictly speaking...It's not ONLY a female monologue...But this proves it CAN be one!

Hope this helps!
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Porter2
Chorus Member
joined:4/30/11
Very Funny Female Monologues
Posted: 5/1/11 at 07:56am
I've always loved Sally's monologue in You're a Good Man, Charlie Brown:

"A "D"... a "D"... I got a "D" on my coat hanger sculpture. How could anyone get a "D" in coat hanger sculpture? May I ask a question? Was I being judged on the piece of sculpture itself? If so, is it not true that time alone can judge a work of art? Or was I being judged on my talent? If so, is it right that I be judged on a part of life over which I have no control? If I was judged on my effort then I was judged unfairly for I tried as hard as I could. Was I being judged on what I have learned about this project? If so, were then not you, my teacher, also being judged on your ability to transmit your knowledge to me? Are you willing to share my "D"? Well, perhaps I was being judged on the quality of the coat hanger itself, out of which my creation was made. Now is that not also unfair? Am I to be judged by the quality of the coat hangers that are used by our dry cleaning establishment to return our garments. Is this not the responsibility of my parents? Should they not share my "D"?"
“You need three things in the theater - the play, the actors and the audience, - and each must give something.” (Kenneth Haigh)
Updated On: 5/1/11 at 07:56 AM
Mr. Wonderful
Chorus Member
joined:5/1/11
Very Funny Female Monologues
Posted: 5/1/11 at 12:37pm
I HIGHLY recommend the books of original audition monologues co-authored by Jason Milligan, published by Samuel French, such as ENCORE and ACTORS WRITE FOR ACTORS. The latter has a hilarious piece called "Precarious Position," for instance. Also excellent are the annual anthologies of Best Stage Monologues published by Smith and Kraus. Though most of the monologues in these are "dramatic" (i.e., no laughs), there are still a lot of good comic pieces too.
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AC126748
Broadway Legend
joined:7/15/06
Very Funny Female Monologues
Posted: 5/1/11 at 12:46pm
Bananas's Times Square monologue from The House of Blue Leaves. Hilarious, zany, and when done right, also very touching.
"You travel alone because other people are only there to remind you how much that hook hurts that we all bit down on. Wait for that one day we can bite free and get back out there in space where we belong, sail back over water, over skies, into space, the hook finally out of our mouths and we wander back out there in space spawning to other planets never to return hurrah to earth and we'll look back and can't even see these lives here anymore. Only the taste of blood to remind us we ever existed. The earth is small. We're gone. We're dead. We're safe." -John Guare, Landscape of the Body
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dramamama611
Broadway Legend
joined:12/4/07
Very Funny Female Monologues
Posted: 5/1/11 at 05:50pm
Search for Signs of Intelligent Life in the Universe.

It's a one woman show which was performed by Lily Tomlin, written by Jane Wagner.

She plays a gaggle of different characters, so there is plenty to choose from.

Talking With by "Jane Martin" is also a monologue play, but the ones that are humorous are a bit darker and may not be what you are looking for.
If we're not having fun, then why are we doing it? These are DISCUSSION boards, not mutual admiration boards. Discussion only occurs when we are willing to hear what others are thinking, regardless of whether it is alignment to our own thoughts.

 
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