Printer Friendly - Best In-Show Insults?


Best In-Show Insults?
Posted by GlindatheGood22 2012-11-03 21:33:30


I was very disappointed to see that the "Best Insults" thread isn't about insults from plays or musicals. So - some of your favorites?

I think I'm going with, "If you existed, I'd divorce you."

Best In-Show Insults?
Posted by qolbinau 2012-11-03 21:42:44


You're about as sexy as a wet cardboard box..

Best In-Show Insults?
Posted by Playbilly 2012-11-03 21:45:36


Just read "Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf?" No need to go further.

BEAN BAG!

Best In-Show Insults?
Posted by chewy5000 2012-11-03 21:56:48


Thee entirety of "Bosom Buddies"

Best In-Show Insults?
Posted by EponineAmneris 2012-11-03 22:27:07


"Leave! Get out! Go be someone else's parasite!" --- Freddie to Florence in the musical CHESS.

Best In-Show Insults?
Posted by Playbilly 2012-11-03 22:47:03


"Best Friends" from The Wild Party

Best In-Show Insults?
Posted by LimelightMike 2012-11-04 00:46:55


"You have the touch of a sex-starved cobra!"

Best In-Show Insults?
Posted by Kad 2012-11-04 00:48:58


"She almost looks human- it must be the lighting."

Best In-Show Insults?
Posted by Idiot 2012-11-04 01:56:22


"I've already had your husband."

Best In-Show Insults?
Posted by muscle23ftl 2012-11-04 01:28:06


Anne: "She's ravishingly beautiful"

Frederick: "Make up"!

Speaking of Desiree in "Night Music"

Best In-Show Insults?
Posted by jnb9872 2012-11-04 20:19:30


"She's a tight c**t wrapped around ambition." from Speed-the-Plow. I can't think of anything that comes close, but Roma's legendary tirade against Williamson ("Whoever told you you could work with men?... You stupid ****ing c**t... You fairy...") is up there in the Mamet canon, but it's not as clever a moment of wordplay.

Best In-Show Insults?
Posted by Quiche2 2012-11-04 20:31:24


Not from Broadway, but had to mention this one. I saw a commercial where one old lady told another old lady, "May your marinara sauce never cling to your pasta!" LOLOLOLOLOL I laughed so hard after seeing that. Like I said, in no way is this from anything associated with Broadway. Definitely up there in the best insults ever though.

Best In-Show Insults?
Posted by CATSNYrevival 2012-11-04 20:35:39


^Are you sure that wasn't The Golden Girls?

Best In-Show Insults?
Posted by StageManager2 2012-11-04 20:36:39


^
I believe that was from The Golden Girls, between Sophia and her sister Angela.


But if you could see her through my eyes... she wouldn't look Jewish at all!

Best In-Show Insults?
Posted by Quiche2 2012-11-04 21:04:08


It may have been in a commercial promoting The Golden Girls, but I definitely didn't see it on there because you couldn't pay me to watch that show.

Best In-Show Insults?
Posted by michellek45 2012-11-04 21:05:38


"Shut up, I'm fat!"

"Not everywhere!"

Best In-Show Insults?
Posted by quizking101 2012-11-04 21:32:49


"Why don't you light your tampon on fire and blow your box apart, because it's the only bang you're ever going to get, sweeheart."

Ah, PRISCILLA

Best In-Show Insults?
Posted by little_sally 2012-11-04 21:51:41


I loved that line from Priscilla and couldn't remember it word-for-word. Thanks for posting it!

Best In-Show Insults?
Posted by OperaBwayLover 2012-11-04 22:53:21


I won't say it's my absolute favorite, but it's the only one I can think of at the moment:

"You want to act like a tool? Then go sleep in the shed." (Addams Family)

Best In-Show Insults?
Posted by RENT_is_Wicked2 2012-11-04 23:14:12


Glinda: Unusually and exceedingly peculiar and all together quite impossible to describe.

Elphaba: ......... Blonde.

Haha, Wicked.

Best In-Show Insults?
Posted by ClumsyDude15 2012-11-05 00:32:41


The entirety of You Must Meet My Wife from A Little Night Music on Desiree's end.

"Does your cousin dance?" "Like a drunk Chita Rivera." -- In the Heights.

"And I bet your milkshake brings ALL the boys to the yard." -- Peter and the Starcatcher.

Best In-Show Insults?
Posted by winston89 2012-11-05 11:51:55


If you try to shag my husband while I'm still alive, I'll shove The Art of Motorcycle maintenance up your rancid little c--t, there's a good dear.

Tom Stoppard's Rock N Roll.

Best In-Show Insults?
Posted by strummergirl 2012-11-05 12:01:35


"Not on your salary┬ľnot on an Associate Professor's salary!"- Martha to George, Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf?

Best In-Show Insults?
Posted by Matt3358 2012-11-05 12:20:01


Favorite Insult comes from A Midsummer Night's Dream
Hermia to Helena: You juggler! You canker-blossom!

Best In-Show Insults?
Posted by ChairinMain 2012-11-05 12:26:17


Peter and the Starcatchers has a great blink and you'll miss it insult:

"He smelt like smelt."

Best In-Show Insults?
Posted by Gothampc 2012-11-05 12:26:32


I'm not sure if this was in the stage play or not, but no list of insults can be complete without it.

Best In-Show Insults?
Posted by Phantom of London 2012-11-05 14:46:36


From the tedious Clybourne Park.

"What has a character in the play and a tampon got in common?"

"The're both stuck up ****s"

Best In-Show Insults?
Posted by SamIAm2 2012-11-06 08:34:19


"Master of The House" from Les Miz. Lots of great stuff, but my favorite is:

Cunning little brain
Regular Voltaire
Thinks he's quite a lover
But there's not much there

Best In-Show Insults?
Posted by aaronb 2012-11-06 09:15:33


Going to echo the OP: "If you existed, I'd divorce you."

Best In-Show Insults?
Posted by Miranda3 2012-11-06 10:48:10


This is from TV, but the line was spoken by Nancy Marchand, as Mrs. Pynchon in the old "Lou Grant" series. She gets on an elevator, where an obnoxious middle-aged fat-cat in a power suit is smoking a huge cigar. She says, "I'd ask you not to smoke, but I don't want to deprive you of the only thing that lights up in your presence." Priceless.

Best In-Show Insults?
Posted by SonofRobbieJ 2012-11-06 11:10:35


I'm a fan of 'You've seen more ass than a toilet seat, and I bet you all make 'em all call you the Champ' from The Wild Party.

Best In-Show Insults?
Posted by Queen of the Night 2012-11-07 11:46:17


Val: (to Sheila, IIRC) I didn't want them like yours. I wanted them in proportion.

Best In-Show Insults?
Posted by Hex3 2012-11-07 17:22:13


"I always knew you'd f*ck a snake if they held it's head."