Sherlock Holmes Goes to the Theatre and Reviews Broadway!
You can drag a Holmes to water, but you can't make him drink.
In a recent article from The Toast, the beleaguered Holmes parents brought their highly functioning sociopath of a son - and presumably Mycroft, though the whole venture was likely his idea - to see several Broadway musicals, and Sherlock didn't disappoint. While his family was enjoying popular showstoppers like "Brotherhood of Man", "At the Ballet", and "One Day More", Sherlock was quietly deducting away and was gracious enough to share his observations with The Toast. We've included some highlights for your enjoyment below.
On Sunday in the Park with George, Sherlock noted that the show "began with some promise" but lost his interest when the genius scientist got caught up in singing about his feelings with other cast members. What else would we expect from the world's only consulting detective?
On Cats, Mr. Holmes (who was once held against his will and beaten to a pulp with a lead pipe in a remote Turkish prison) merely stated: "If given the choice between returning to that chapter of my life and seeing Cats again, I'd pick the lead pipe with a smile."
How to Succeed in Business Without Really Trying held Sherlock's attention until the very end - Finch, to Holmes, was a mastermind ingratiating himself to his enemy so as to destry from within - but once the blackmail plotline re: a girl was revealed, Mr Holmes promptly fell asleep.
A Chorus Line is, to some, a heart warming musical about the desperation of trying to 'make it big' in live theatre. To Mr. Holmes, it's a puzzle - and a simple one, at that. Unscuffed shoes, sickled ankles, and subconscious desires revolving around drama school blather make for an unchallenging evening for the detective, who told The Toast he knew who the final eight were the whole time.
After spending the first act of Grease utterly enraged that he wasn't close enough to the stage to study the various types of ash falling from the actors' cigarettes, Mr. Holmes took matters into his own hands. After obtaining a pair of opera glasses by less-than-honorable means, he stated, "by the end of the first verse of "Shakin' At The High School Hop" I visually confirmed that none of the cigarettes were real. Why does this musical even EXIST, then? I hated it. No stars."
On The Phantom of the Opera, Sherlock merely commented on Christine's impending nodes and lamented over the Phantom's interior decorating scheme for his underground lair. Apparently there's a proper way to go about it.
Not surprisingly, Mr. Holmes rather enjoyed the beat in Les Miserables where the "incompetent policeman" flings himself off a bridge, but found the rest of the musical tawdry and only consented to go after his mother saw right through his multiple attempts to fake his own death ("I'm usually fairly deft in that area", Sherlock lamented).
Sweeney Todd. There's a musical Mr. Holmes can get behind. It does, after all, feature "cannibalism and political corruption and a brilliant, deeply FIENDISH, intricately constructed MURDER CHAIR", as Sherlock put it. His genuine appreciation for Sweeney's dedication to his craft was evident in his merch splurges, although he deftly sidestepped that question, saying "well, obviously that's not my sheet music. I bought it for John. I mean, of course I'm aware he doesn't play an instrument, I just thought it's the sort of ridiculous thing he'd like."
For Sherlock's full commentary on all the shows listed above, head over to The Toast!