AVE Q's Trekkie Monster Pens 'Masturbation: The Medicine of Life' Book

This exciting first instalment from the soon to be world renowned Trekkie Monster Self Help Series is straight from the think tank in Trekkie's furry head with the only intention being to help you along on a path to a life of immaculate health. The 1,500 page book will give you advice and guidance in all manner of situations or life issue; giving the reader a comfortable solace in tackling life's problems with a simple stroke of the wrist.

Inspiration from the book came from years of extensive research on the author's behalf, spending over 12 hours a day looking into the background of this technique and trying out every different and possible way of assuring this sure to be popular past-time turned healing procedure. Trekkie commented "Me feel that this really digs to the soul of Trekkie. Ever since I was teenage monster, me worked very hard, enduring many sprained wrist and blistered palm for this cause. Me believe my techniques will help people and monsters all over the Earth".

An excerpt from "Masturbation: The Medicine of Life":
"Chapter 47 - Me think people underestimate me on Avenue Q. Trekkie just spend all his time indoors, he miss the sunshine, he miss the birdsong, he miss human contact. But me disagree. Me think that me is quite possibly the happiest and healthiest member of the street. Science shows that regular ‘alone time' makes you more fertile, rushes more blood to your brain to create a more active mind and creates a general relaxEd Manner (thank you Wikipedia). Me would like to tell you a story. Brian, he come to me. He say Trekkie aren't you missing out on life? Aren't you wanting a wife and some little Trekkie's to carry on the Monster name? I say "Brian. Look at yourself. You are stressed. You are nagged. You aren't happy. Me. Me am happy. Me am educated. Me know the best places online for porn. Compare us. Which of us would you rather be?" You know what he say reader? He say "Trekkie. You are right. You are right". Brian is now happier, more fertile and running up a huge internet bill. He need to change internet providers, but that's besides the point. Through regular masturbation and porn watching, he has found the life contentment that everyone strives to find."

Praise from the Press...
"I've never read something so inspiring in my life" The Timez
"When times are hard, forget the Bible...a new Jesus is in town" The Q- Guardian
"If there was another election next week...we'd vote Trekkie" The Son
"I think we could all do with a friend like Trekkie in our lives. But his excellent debut book will do for the meantime" Tyme Magazine

Praise from New Followers to the Cause...
"Trekkie is a modern day Ghandi" Barack Obama
"I've always loved animals, more than humans sometimes, but Trekkie has shown me the light...in animal porn" David Attenborough
"I bloody love this book" Prince Charles
"(SHOUTING) this book is more influential than anything Shakespeare has ever written." Brian Blessed
"It's a phenomenon that will stay with me to my dying day" Barry Chuckle (The Chuckle Brothers)

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