Check Out Quotables from TONIGHT SHOW STARRING JIMMY FALLON 7/23-7/27

Check out quotables from last week's TONIGHT SHOW:

Jimmy Fallon Quotables 7.23.18

The big story is that last night, President Trump lashed out at Iran on Twitter, and some people are afraid that he might start World War 3. In response, Americans were like, "C'mon man, at least wait until Shark Week's over!"

Some more news here. Thanks to Trump's trade policies, the U.S. now has a giant stockpile of meat. On the bright side, "giant stockpile of meat" is also a great nickname for Tinder.

Finally, I heard that tomorrow is "National Tequila Day." While the day after that is, "National Janice From HR Wants To See You In Her Office Day."

Jimmy Fallon Quotables 7.24.18

The news is still crazy. Today, President Trump tweeted that he thinks Russia is going to interfere in the midterm elections and that they want the Democrats to win. In response, Putin was like, "Fake news! Is total witch hunt!"

I saw that Sean Spicer has written a new book about his time in the White House, called "The Briefing." And if you want to see him, he'll be at Barnes & Noble tomorrow from 10am until his shift ends.

Jimmy Fallon Quotables 7.25.18

Guys, before we start, just a reminder: this is like a meeting between Trump and his lawyer - it is all being recorded.

Did you hear about this? Last night, CNN released a recording of Trump and his lawyer talking about using hush money to cover up his affair with Playboy model Karen McDougal. In response, Trump was like, "Oh no - Stormy Daniels might find out I cheated on her!"

That's right, the tape is from 2016, and you can hear Trump talking about paying off a Playboy model. When it came out, it was the first time ever that Trump DIDN'T wanna hear himself talk.

It's a big story, and CNN was the first to release the tape. When he heard, Trump was like, "Seriously, CNN?! What have I EVER done to you guys?!"

Right before the Cohen tape was released, Trump warned people "not to believe what they see or hear." Americans were like, "Trust us - we haven't believed anything we've seen or heard since Election Day."

Some more political news. I read that Vladimir Putin is not accepting Trump's invitation to visit the White House in the fall. Putin was like, "Why do I need invitation to my own home?"

And finally, this is interesting. Yelp is gonna start showing what restaurants scored on their health-inspections. So if you want to know how your favorite restaurant did - TRUST me, no you don't.

Jimmy Fallon Quotables 7.26.18

Some news out of Washington. As part of the Russia investigation, Robert Mueller is now reviewing President Trump's tweets to see if he obstructed justice. So the next time you complain about your job, think of the guy who has to read 40,000 Trump tweets.

Speaking of the president. Trump traveled to Iowa today. He's under so much pressure about Russia and the Michael Cohen tapes that he said, "I gotta get outta the country -- take me to Iowa!"

Get this, guys. I read that on a recent Air Force One flight, Trump got mad that Melania's TV was tuned to CNN instead of FOX News. People were like, "That's crazy! Donald and Melania flew on the same plane?!"

Listen to this. Last night, a heckler showed up at Sean Spicer's book signing. Then Spicer was like, "Sweet! Someone showed up to my book signing!"

Yeah, a heckler showed up to Spicer's signing at Barnes & Noble and called him a "piece of garbage." Then security was like, "Okay, that's enough, Mr. President."

This is interesting. I heard that you can now buy a Lego version of the Hogwarts Castle that's made up of six thousand pieces. There's even a name for anyone who finishes it: "He Who Must Not Be Dating Anyone."

Jimmy Fallon Quotables 7.27.18

Let's get to some news here. I heard that in response to President Trump's trade policies, Coca-Cola is raising the price of soda. Marking the first time in his presidency Trump's watched the news and thought, "My God - what have I done?!"

And finally, THE WALL Street Journal says that we are living in a "Golden Age of Tattoos," which can only mean that in a few years we'll be living through the "Golden Age of Regret.