BWW Breakdown: Phi Phi is a Sore Winner and Loser (Truth) on RUPAUL'S DRAG RACE

Trust the Duchess: It ain't over just yet. Why? Because the eliminated All-Stars are back, baby!

Coco is back, and her tear-away ensemble is beaded to the gods.
Tatianna is back, and her boat neck mini-dress turns into a sleek, studded Selena brassiere.
Ginger is back, and what starts out as big and silver folds down into something ... bigger and silverier, if that's possible.
And Alyssa Edwards is back, back, back again!

The queens are pumped to see the sisters who fell out of the race; except for Phi Phi, who predictably has a bug up her ass about the rejuvenated competition--especially since she's the resident troll of the group after mouthing off about Alyssa's fashion sense. Alyssa confronts her, but Phi Phi insists (for once) on not playing the fool on camera. Too bad she's not terribly clear on how that concept works, because she continues to verbally spar like a seventh-grade girl with anyone who looks at her sideways. Ginger joins the fray by calling out Alyssa, but the squirrel-friends keep it tight after a heartfelt discussion of their mutual love for Katya (who, BTW, needs to step her pussy up in this competition! "New" Katya needs to snatch that sense of humor back from old, paranoid Katya. Neurotic queens are more fun than Prozac queens).

It's time for the returning queens to get their revenge, says RuPaul with sinister glee. She can't wait to see who has the last laugh, probably because she's confident that it's going to be her. It's her show, after all, and she'll do what she wants. The challenge is the consistently cringe-worthy stand-up comedy show. The humor of drag usually comes from the campy extravagance of the art form; it's rare to find queens (like Bob the Drag Queen or Bianca Del Rio) who have a genuine talent for stand-up. Usually the performances range from blasé to incredibly painful (think LaGanga's hallucinogenic ballerina disaster complete with a pink poof and a bad vagina joke).

The saving grace is that the queens can work in pairs, thus playing off of each other's quirky personalities. Alyssa partners with Alaska, a duo that has the potential for hilarity with Alyssa's chatty nonsense and chronic abuse of the English language--which Alaska called "Alyssa Edwardian tangents of off-the-cuff buffoonery"--played against Alaska's hyper-aware sensibility. Biffles Ginger and Katya pair up, and Tatianna chooses Detox for the inevitable raunch factor. Coco chooses Phi Phi, probably because if nothing else, she's funnier than Roxxxy. That leaves Roxxxy as the MC, a challenge she might actually excel at if she keeps the jokes to a minimum and sticks to what she does best: making snatchy, sh*t-talking observations about other queens.


Roxxxy starts strong, but stumbles immediately, and can't wait to get offstage. CoCo reprises her role as RuPaul's ghetto cousin from the block, and Phi Phi comes out as a pregnant Chola hooker, which, as Tatianna would say ... "Choices." The funniest bit is when CoCo beats Phi Phi's face with Doritos chip dust. Roxxxy tries to save her act by coming out as a character she originated in Season 5 named "Tasha Salad" which doesn't help because her repertoire is based completely in salad dressing jokes.

Alaska and Alyssa are a riot, with Alaska as the glamorous straight man (as much of a straight man as Alaska could ever be) to Alyssa's fluttering, loudmouth eccentricities. It's a set 'em up, knock 'em down routine that works well. Tasha Salad does a sloppy job of introducing Katya and Ginger, whose best-friends routine is cute, but overshadowed by Tatianna and Detox (AKA Lydia Ladybitch and Beatrice Backdoor), whose Stepford socialite "Benefit for Babies Battling Bulimia" shtick has the perfect blend of gender humor and crassness. Tatianna/Detox and Alaska/Alyssa are the top All-Stars of the week. Katya is safe, which leaves Roxxxy and Phi Phi in the bottom, and means automatic elimination for returning queens Ginger and Coco.

The power to eliminate another queen goes to the returning queen who wins the lip sync battle. Roxxxy tells both Alyssa and Tatianna that she respects whichever decision they make, while Phi Phi tells her competitors that she's not going to beg anyone to let her stay. And since Phi Phi has managed to alienate everyone in the room, it's no shocker when, after a super-sexified lip sync battle between Tatianna and Alyssa (who both win the right to rejoin the competition!), both queens choose to give Phi Phi the heeled boot out of Dodge.

Bye, Phi-licia.

Eliminated Queen:
Phi Phi O'Hara
Remaining Queens: Roxxxy Andrews, Tatianna, Alyssa Edwards, Detox, Alaska, Katya
Projected Winner: Alaska

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From This Author Maggie Yates