VIDEO: Bryan Batt Pokes at Kardashians, Trump, Weinstein and More with New Lyrics to 'Anything Goes'

Bryan Batt performed at the 17th Annual 'Les Girls' on October 15, 2017 in Hollywood, Calif., and treated the audience to an updated version of the classic "Anything Goes," complete with nods to the Kardashians, Trump, and Harvey Weinstein.

Watch his rendition by clicking below and scroll down for the full lyrics!

TIMES HAVE CHANGED.
PORTER'S DITTY WAS ONCE RISQUÉ
BUT IF PORTER COULD SEE TODAY
AND DECORUM'S COMPLETE DECAY,
HE WOULD SAY,
"THOUGH THE THIRTIES WERE HOT AS HELL,
EVERYTHING THAT WENT THEN STILL GOES . . .
AND A WHOLE LOT ELSE AS WELL!"

WHEN GAYS CAN WED AND JAWS AREN'T DROPPING
WHEN BARNEY AND BEN GO SHOPPING
FOR BABY CLOTHES,
ANYTHING GOES!

WHEN DAMES AS DIM AS Kim Kardashian
TRIUMPH BY ACTING TRASHY IN
TAWDRY SHOWS,
ANYTHING GOES!

THE SMUT YOU CAN GET TODAY
ON THE NET TODAY,
STRAIGHT OR GAY TODAY,
AND ALL DAY TODAY,
'CAUSE BURLESQUE TODAY
IS ON YOUR DESK TODAY,
WHERE NOBODY CAN OPPOSE.

WHEN GIRLS OF TEN ARE ADOLESCING
AND PROVING THE FACT BY DRESSING
LIKE TINY HO'S,
ANYTHING GOES!

WHEN GRANDMA'S FACE IS PULLED SO TIGHTLY
SHE LOOKS LIKE A Keira Knightley
WHOSE EYES WON'T CLOSE,
ANYTHING GOES!

WHEN AUTHORS FEEL BEREFT AND BITTER
'CAUSE TWITTER WILL SOON OBLITERATE
ENGLISH PROSE,
ANYTHING GOES.

WE'RE TETHERED LIKE DRONES TODAY
TO OUR PHONES TODAY,
AS WE TAP TODAY
AT EACH APP TODAY,
AND FRIENDS TEXT TO US
WHILE STANDING NEXT TO US
WITH THEIR SCREENS AGAINST THEIR NOSE

WHEN Cary GrantS AND Spencer TracyS
HAVE TURNED INTO KEVIN SPACYS
AND RUSSELL CROWS
ANYTHING GOES

WHEN STARS CAN CHOSE TO KEEP THEIR GENDER
OR MARK IT "RETURN TO SENDER"
THEN CAITLYN SHOWS
ANYTHING GOES.

WHEN FACEBOOK HAS US ALL BELIEVING
EACH INSIGHT THAT WE'RE PERCEIVING
WE MUST DISCLOSE,
ANYTHING GOES.

ALL FOODS THAT ARE SWEET TODAY
WE CAN'T EAT TODAY,
AND NO WHEAT TODAY,
OR RED MEAT TODAY,
FOR A TREAT TODAY
I ATE A BEET TODAY
(BUT MY DERRIERE STILL GROWS!)

WHEN MEN OF GOD WHO PREACH WITH THUNDER
ARE LOOKING FOR FUN WITH UNDERAGE
ROMEOS,
ANYTHING GOES!

WHEN BUYING POT TAKES LESS BRAVADO
THAN BUYING AN AVOCADO
AT TRADER JOE'S,
ANYTHING GOES!

WHEN FOOTBALL STARS OF EVERY COLOR
ARE PRAYING THAT ROBERT MUELLER
WILL END THEIR WOES,
ANYTHING GOES!

THE PHONIES IN CHARGE TODAY
THEY LIVE LARGE TODAY,
AND BOOK JETS TODAY
FOR THEIR PETS TODAY,
AND THEN FRET TODAY
ABOUT THE DEBT TODAY
THAT PUERTO RICO OWES!

WHEN Harvey Weinstein'S NOT REFUTING
THAT WOMEN HAVE SEEN HIM SHOOTING
MUCH MORE THAN SHOWS,
ANYTHING GOES!
ANYTHING GOES!

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