Review: REHAB THE MUSICAL, Neon 194

Wikipedia insists that the African Elephant has the longest gestation period, but that’s surely betting without the most terrifying phrase in theatre - ‘A New Musical’. Even after years of development and hard work mixed in with plenty of talent, one can be presented with something more akin to a camel than a thoroughbred once the show is on its feet. 

Back after its initial run at the Playground Theatre in 2022, Rehab The Musical may not win the Grand National just yet, but it’s cleared the big fences and the finishing line of a West End run is surely in sight.

In precis, its book can sound uninspiring. Too-much-too-young 90s pop sensation gets papped being naughty and sent to rehab by the judge, where he learns to love himself (and the girl, natch), while celebrity culture and the media getting a good ol’ kicking along the way. Ten minutes in, I was wondering if he sure played a mean pinball, Tommy looming large in the memory.

But the book for a musical is a strange beast indeed. Get it wrong and it can sink the most promising of projects, continually elbowing aside strong songs to force through tedious exposition; get it right and that mysterious MT alchemy spins 24 carat gold. Elliot Davis receives plenty of gratitude in the programme to which he can add mine - his book provides a firm foundation for the show to soar. 

And soar it does. Songwriters, Grant Davis and Murray Lachlan Young, get us onside with the second number, "Wanker" (it’s going to baffle them on Broadway lads) a great howling football chant of a song that crams all the info you need about the protagonist, Kid Pop, into six letters. Singalong? Well, you know you shouldn’t really, but…

Through the two and a half hours runtime (it flies by) song after song engage and enchant with great tunes and razor sharp lyrics, all played with panache by Caitlin Morgan’s band. The rock elements of the score are properly loud, but do not overpower the singing (there’s a lesson for many a new musical there) and the ballads’ melodies hand over the perfect emotional toolkit to the vocalists so they can put us through the wringer. There’s barely a dud amongst the 19 songs that made the cut and the best of them "Two Broken People" and "Museum of Loss" can stand with any you’ll hear the other side of Piccadilly Circus on Shaftesbury Avenue. Hell, with a bit of very decent rap/patter, Keith Allen almost had me forgiving him for "Vindaloo"!

A score can only provoke that kind of praise if the singers are capable of finding the heart of the numbers and then project it through the fourth wall. This is where the show whispers ‘West End, West End, West End’ in your ear, because they really do.

There’s no weak link the cast, the singing both distinctive - no generic stage schooled vocals here - and freighted with character. Mica Paris’s rehab centre supervisor, Martha, may be a little under-written as a role, but her vocals are sublime, a huge Aretha-vibe thrilling the audience. I was no more than six feet away from her belting out the ballads and that experience alone more than justified the ticket price. 

Having done his turn as the rock god in the opener, "K.I.D. P.O.P.’", Christian Maynard comes into his own as his character grows up, finding humility and empathy amongst his fellow rehabbing internees. He retains enough of the egomaniac Kid Pop, but he also delivers a wholly credible Neil, the arrested adolescent behind the star. Maiya Quansah-Breed also convinces as his love interest, Lucy, sent by the Mephistophelian agent Malcolm Stone (Keith Allen in a fright wig, but surprisingly restrained otherwise - for him) to dig the dirt on his goldmine of a bad boy, blackmail in mind. 

The other residents could easily be caricatures written and played for laughs, but there’s real sensitivity, born of the creative team’s personal experience and respect for those who enter rehab, that lends poignancy to fully rounded individuals. Oscar Conlon-Morrey is the standout as Phil, an overeating and gambling addict with a secret but, though there are laughs aplenty, none of them are at the expense of people who are suffering from their illnesses and striving as best they can to get well.

There’s a flaw or two of course. Kid Pop’s turnaround comes a bit too quickly, the ending, satisfactory as it is, we see coming miles off and there might be just a little too much sentimentality for some. 

Sod that though. The show has such a big heart that it would be churlish to dwell on such matters for long. Far better to enjoy a bit of 90s nostalgia, revel in barb after barb flung at that decade’s sorry press and come out with that warm feeling engendered when one sees the redemptive power of empathy writ large.

All the show needs is a more sympathetic space (a proper theatre would be a start) and I can foresee a solid hit for the future. You’d have to be a bit of a wanker to think otherwise.   

Rehab The Musical is at Neon 194 until 17 February  

Photos credit: Mark Senior

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