Centaur Theatre's Urban Tales Hosts Ladies' Night Tonight

Urban Tales turns up the heat this winter with a special, estrogen-charged Ladies' Night edition that will make your inner Grinch feel all toasty inside. Written by well-known local playwrights, the anti-Yuletide spectacular features seven sparkling Montreal actresses who set the stage ablaze with monologues that spoof the ideal of seasonal holiday cheer.

Presented in an intimate cabaret-style setting, their deliciously dark and sometimes naughty performances include hilarious accounts of dried up, flavourless turkeys, a grouchy family tree trimming and the desires of a self-professed sex God.

Full-throttle anti-holiday entertainment that will melt Grinch's icy heart! Not to be missed! For mature audiences.

Urban Tales 2013: Ladies' Night:

The Perfect Bird by Caitlin Murphy as told by Patricia Summersett

Every year, for Christmas dinner, I cook the perfect bird. I mean perfect. You have not tasted turkey my friends. Every year, you choke down some dried up, flavourless crap, smile and suffer through it because, I don't know, you're Canadian, and it's the holidays, and "maybe turkey's just supposed to suck anyway?" Well, it's not. Not in my kitchen. Not over my dead body.

New Year's Dead written & performed by Johanna Nutter

He tells me he's come up with an incentive for New Year's Eve. A bottle of Crystal for the staff member who sells the most champagne. That will make me run my pretty little ass off... Say I'm a genius Johanna. No, say I'm a sex God.

A Christmas Curdle by TJ Dawe as told by Julie Tamiko Manning

All right, so it's Christmas. And in case any of you don't know who I am, I'm Margo Viola, artistic director of one of the biggest theatres in this whole f-ing town. And in the theatre, Christmas - and by Christmas, I'm talking the whole Christmas season - means one thing, and one thing only: Time to fleece the rubes!

Sandara by Michael Mackenzie as told by Tamara Brown

It's small, cramped, with the bales and few chairs to sit on, a bunch of women and a South-Asian guy doing impossibly tiny embroidery. No one under - what - sixty? They're sitting jammed in and talking in a mix of French, English, Ukrainian? Greek? Maybe Polish? Like I said, the real Montreal.

Christmas Cheer (naughty or nice) by Colleen Curran as told by Cat Lemieux

My Auntie Norma said, "Jasmine, you're such a Queen of Christmas Spirit, I bet if a doctor sliced up your brain, they'd find the North Pole smack in the middle there!" She wasn't wrong about that.

Thank your Father by Harry Standjofski as told by Alarey Alsip

Last year... you asked me: why are you so grouchy, it's Christmas? You remember? No? You and your father were trimming the tree and I wasn't helping. Well you asked me that... Can I tell you a story? How you came to be born in Canada.

Woman, from Behind by Yvan Bienvenue, translated by Harry Standjofski, as told by Leni Parker

These are the vague ramblings Of a grey heart and soul
I walk blue-veiled
in the daylight

in photos
seen only from behind
... I am an ugly woman
who mostly comes out at night... to drown myself in dark
and wine and vice

PERFORMANCE SCHEDULE: Tonight, Dec 5, at 8PM Saturday Dec 7, at 8PM Thursday Dec 12, at 8PM Friday Dec 13 at 8PM Saturday Dec 14, 2013 at 8PM. For more information, click HERE.

 

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