Check Out Quotables from TONIGHT SHOW STARRING JIMMY FALLON 3/27 - 2/2

Below check out Jimmy Fallon's quotables from THE TONIGHT SHOW STARRING JIMMY FALLON opening monologues from February 27 - March 3. An American television institution for almost 60 years, "The Tonight Show" continues to be a home to big-name celebrity guests and a stage for top musical and comedic talent.

Taking a cue from his unforgettable predecessors, including hosts Johnny Carson and Jay Leno, Fallon carrys on the tradition that audiences know and love - kicking off every show with the iconic "Tonight Show" monologue. Known for his huge online presence, Fallon will brings along with him many of the popular segments, celebrity sketches and musical parodies that fans have grown to love on "Late Night," including #Hashtags, Thank You Notes and Slow Jam the News.

Jimmy Fallon Quotables 2.27.17

Of course, it's the Oscars. I thought Jimmy Kimmel did a great job hosting -- congrats to Jimmy, he's always good. But did you see what happened at the end? Yeah, the producers of "La La Land" went up on stage after the movie was named Best Picture - then it was announced that they actually lost to "Moonlight." And today, they joined a support group with the Atlanta Falcons and Hillary Clinton.

But it was a really crazy moment. In fact, "Moonlight" director Barry Jenkins said that he was "speechless." Not because he was surprised, because he'd torn up his speech when "La La Land" was announced.

Actually, several producers from "La La Land" had already given their acceptance speeches before the mistake was realized. That's pretty rough - now you've gotta apologize to everyone you forgot to thank - in your speech that DIDN'T COUNT??

Some news out of Washington. On Friday, CNN, The New York Times, and Buzzfeed were blocked from participating in a media briefing with White House Press Secretary Sean Spicer. CNN called it "unacceptable," the Times called it "outrageous" and Buzzfeed called it "one of the top seven things Trump did today that will blow your mind."

In fact things are so tense between Trump and the press, he says he's not going to this year's White House Correspondents' Dinner. And an aide defended his decision, saying quote, "If a Girl Scout egged your house, would you buy cookies from her?" Then Americans said, "If she's selling Thin Mints, hell yeah!"

And this was kind of embarrassing. Over the weekend, Vice President Mike Pence tweeted his support for Israel, but accidentally used an Emoji of the Nicaraguan flag instead of the Israeli flag. The White House says there's a perfectly good reason why he did it: nobody knows what they're doing.

Check this out, you guys. I read that Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg works out twice a week with a personal trainer and bench presses up to 70 pounds. She also does that really annoying thing where she throws the weight on the floor to let the entire gym know she finished a set.

And get this. I saw that the Oxford Dictionary just added over 300 new words including "drunk text," "cat lady," and "Kodak moment." As in, "I drunk texted a cat lady, we met up, and it WAS NOT a Kodak moment."

Jimmy Fallon Quotables 2.28.17

Of course tonight, President Trump gave his big speech to Congress. And I saw that beforehand, Democrats came out with a "prebuttal" to counter some of Trump's talking points. They say that they know what Trump's gonna say before he says it - or as Trump put it, (TRUMP) "Must be nice." (I just open my mouth, and the best words come out!)"

And one of the big issues that was expected to come up was immigration. And I saw that former Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad recently wrote a 3,500-word letter to Trump criticizing his immigration policy. When asked if he read the letter, Trump said, (TRUMP) "I haven't even read my immigration policy!"

And listen to this. I saw that Trump's new Commerce Secretary is the vice-chairman of a bank that's owned by Vladimir Putin. You can tell the bank is owned by Putin, cuz both the pens AND the tellers are chained to the desk. (PUTIN) "Neither is leaving bank."

But it seems like Trump's been breaking with a lot of traditions since he took office. And there's speculation that President Trump could cancel the annual White House Easter Egg Roll. Then he said, (TRUMP) "Actually, I'm canceling ALL egg rolls, just to get back at JYNA."

Jimmy Fallon Quotables 3.1.17

Well, President Trump gave his big address to Congress last night. But it was surprising actually - he didn't trash the media or brag about winning the election. It was the first time people playing a Trump drinking game ended up sober.

Yeah, Trump's speech is actually getting pretty good reviews. In fact, a CNN poll found that 69 percent of viewers approved of Trump's speech. Yeah, 69. Trump called the number impressive, while Mike Pence called it inappropriate. (PENCE) "That's just uncalled for."

But not everyone was impressed. In fact, many Democrats actually rushed out at the end of Trump's address. Most were annoyed by Trump's speech - while Bernie Sanders said, (BERNIE, PUSHING PAST) "Drinking a Big Gulp right before was NOT a good idea!"

This is kinda cool. Papa John's is testing a new system that lets customers pay three dollars to skip the line and get faster pizza delivery. And for SIX dollars, Peyton Manning will throw the pizza at you from a speeding car.

And finally, this was kind of scary. Today, lightning actually struck a runway at LaGuardia airport! It's not good - they say the lightning caused 10,000-dollars worth of improvements.

Jimmy Fallon Quotables 3.2.17

Attorney General Jeff Sessions recused himself from any investigations into Trump's ties with Russia. But he still claims he did not lie under oath. Then he said, "I'm not under oath right now, am I??"

As you'd expect, many people are very upset with Jeff Sessions. But White House Press Secretary Sean Spicer said that when Sessions denied having contact with Russia, he was being "100 percent straight." Even Mike Pence was like, "C'mon, no one is 100% straight!"

Oh, and this is pretty crazy. Apparently, House Republicans are keeping their Obamacare replacement bill hidden in a basement in Congress, and other lawmakers can't get to it. Then Nicolas Cage was like, (CAGE) "Don't worry, you guys - I got this! I gotta break through the dome and find the hidden treasure!"

Here's a little business news. I read that Snapchat's IPO launched on the stock market yesterday. Or, to put it another way, something that your parents don't understand just launched on something YOU don't understand.

Jimmy Fallon Quotables 3.3.17

I saw that today in Florida, President Trump made his first visit to a school since taking office. Trump was there for only five minutes before yelling out, (TRUMP) "When's recess?!!"

But did you see this? After it came out that Attorney General Jeff Sessions had met with the Russian ambassador, it was revealed that Donald Trump Jr. was paid 50,000 dollars to speak at an event hosted by Russian allies. When asked who the Russian allies were, he said, "My dad and Jeff Sessions."

Oh, some big TV news. Today, Arnold Schwarzenegger announced that he's quitting "Celebrity Apprentice," because the show has "too much baggage." And when Arnold stormed out of the room, producers said, "Eh - he'll be back."

Listen to this. I read that Air pollution from China, India and other Asian countries has apparently drifted across the Pacific Ocean and is creating smog in the U.S. When he heard that, Trump said, (TRUMP) "We're gonna build a giant fan, and blow it right back at them!"

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