BWW Recap: Real Villains Wear Skinny Jeans on THE VAMPIRE DIARIES

Jobs are very important. You need to make sure you're trained correctly while doing your job to the best of your ability, and taking every precaution that an evil, magic-sucking witch doesn't come wandering into your place of employment demanding Zima. It's even worse when said witch is your brother and probably wants to murder you a ton. Tonight's episode of THE VAMPIRE DIARIES, entitled "I Alone," included a death, a family reunion, and a case of really bad ID checking.

Alaric had set up a quiet, romantic night alone with Jo. Jo was focused on devouring some Thai food, but Alaric was still compelled and insistent on learning more about her horrible family. She even made sure to let Alaric in on the secret that the Ascendant was chilling in her drawer next to her unmentionables and illegal drugs. Alaric delivered the Ascendant to Damon only for his bestie to compel him to forget every part of the little mission.

Elena had been pumping some iron with Jeremy when she revealed to him that her and Damon were going to get Bonnie back from 1994 prison. Jeremy was skeptical. He had successfully gotten through each stage of the grieving process and the last thing he needed was false hope. Elena assured him with Liv's help that they would be back with Bonnie that very night.

As Damon and Elena were temporarily transported to 1994 prison, Kai had finally arrived in the present day, donning his new skinny jeans, finagling a smartphone, and wondering why the heck airport security were so strict nowadays. He also had forgotten that money was still a real form of currency and traded it instead for murder in payment to his taxi driver.

Elena and Damon had returned to the 1994 Salvatore mansion, but neither Bonnie nor Kai were anywhere in sight. Damon gave Elena a quick lesson in using a pager and sent a message over to Kai's favorite technological device. Except it wasn't Kai on the other end, it was Bonnie. She had hotwired a car and was driving back to Mystic Falls; she was only six and a half hours away, or seventeen minutes in TVD time, and was finally hopeful she was going home.

In the present, Matt had set up a family reunion between Stefan and Sarah. Enzo even curiously showed up to witness the occasion (or he's been living in the diner for the last nine episodes). Stefan seemed wary of Sarah, but ordered up some milkshakes to bond over. But it wasn't the milkshakes he had wanted, just the noise of the machine, as he forced Sarah out of the diner under Matt and Enzo's noses. The two went for a little drive where Stefan confronted the girl. She wasn't Sarah Salvatore. The real Sarah was leading a happy life at Duke; Stefan stalked his only human relative to make sure she was living a good life.

Over at the only Whitmore bar, Kai had happened upon Liv at work. Unfortunately, Liv had never seen the sweet sweater picture of Jo and Kai and didn't recognize her older brother, even when he weirdly ordered a Zima. She didn't even recognize him when he gave her his Twitter handle @cobrakai1972 or when he handed her his ID. He literally had to point to his name and go "LOOK WHO I AM!" before Liv freaked out and tried to react. Kai was ten steps ahead of her and absorbed some of her powers before the two battled. Luckily, Tyler rushed in to save the day.

Jo was oblivious to Kai's return, but she wasn't oblivious to Alaric stealing the Ascendant from her undies drawer. She also wasn't oblivious to the fact that Alaric was probably compelled by Damon to retrieve it. Alaric, dumbfounded, wondered how his best friend could do something so despicable, but the real question was why hadn't he been guzzling vervain yet?

In 1994, Damon made Elena his famous vampcakes and talked about auditioning for THE REAL WORLD. The confession of Damon compelling Alaric splintered the two, though. In the present, Matt and Enzo clashed some more over Enzo's life choices.

Stefan had pulled over in anger, demanding to know who exactly the imposter girl was. It turned out her real name was Monique, an old camp friend of the real Sarah's that had no real family of her own. She figured she would take Sarah's biological family since Sarah didn't care to learn of their identities, but Stefan wasn't having it. He forced her to take off her vervain necklace and compelled her to forget her ridiculous journey. Enzo and Matt showed up and Enzo demanded to know the truth. Instead of confessing, though, Stefan told them there was no real Sarah and the girl was just an imposter. Enzo wasn't buying anymore of Stefan's lies and killed Monique out of revenge. Stefan took a very blasé attitude towards the situation, but Matt was furious. He confront Stefan and claimed that no matter how close vampires and humans were they were still less than. Fair enough. In fact, Matt's rant inspired him to recruit Jeremy back into his hunting birthright; he wanted to kill Enzo once and for all.

Bonnie was taking way too long and obviously not doing 120 in the fast lane back to Mystic Falls as Elena and Damon waited and Elena confessed she might have made a mistake in burning down her house (you think?). The two promised to make new memories together, only to be transferred back to the present day in the midst of it all. The two were livid, but were informed of Kai's return only for him to show up and destroy the Ascendant once and for all, even setting it on fire to ensure they couldn't repair it.

If Kai showing up and promising to wreak havoc on Mystic Falls wasn't enough, Alaric had found Damon in time to bring down his own form of pain as he confronted him about the compulsion. Typical best friend fights.

Bonnie finally arrived in 1994 Mystic Falls to an empty house, heartbroken, and once again left alone. In the present, Kai had taken a trip over to Tyler's to convince him he wanted to save Liv's life. A deal with the devil was in store.

Things we need to discuss:

- Liv to Tyler: "You can date Luke!" Season 7 plot line anyone?

- Speaking of Luke, where was he? Sulking at the other Whitmore bar? Just kidding, there is no other bar.

- Kai's inability to understand modern technology and current events. Can't wait until someone explains fanfiction and Tumblr to him.

- They don't need to be too upset over the loss of the Ascendant. Doesn't Kai have a spare?

- When Damon and Alaric fight my heart feels like it's been ripped out by Elijah.

How many episodes until the real Sarah Salvatore comes to town? Will Bonnie make it back from 1994? Will Kai discover that BAYWATCH was canceled? Where do you hide your most magical possession? Comment below or tweet me @enr702 or find me live-tweeting @erinrlivetweets.

Below, watch a promo for next week's holiday themed mid-season finale "Christmas Through Your Eyes":

Photo Credit: The CW

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