Excess All Areas Cult Cabaret Pantomime: Pilates in the Caribbean Returns 1 December

Excess All Areas' cult pantomime returns with a depraved, swashbuckling adventure on the award-winning Battersea Barge. Pilates in the Caribbean is a very dirty, very adult festive pantomime starring some of London's top cabaret artists mercilessly taking on the Pirates of the Caribbean franchise as only they know how.

Sun Dec 1 - Thurs Dec 12 on the Battersea Barge, Vauxhall, London. Excess All Areas' dirty pantomimes have acquired cult status over the past 13 years, selling out to audiences on the lookout for catchphrases such as "I am Not a German Lesbian" and "My, What a Lovely Lampshade."

• Pilates in the Caribbean stars reigning Alternative Miss World Fancy Chance and cabaret stalwart Paul L Martin. The cast features Jamie Anderson, Holly Aisbitt, Louise Hollamby and comedy duo JollyBoat.

• Pilates in the Caribbean will run from Sun Dec 1 to Thurs Dec 12 (excl. Dec 7) at the Battersea Barge, Vauxhall (Nine Elms Lane, SW8 5BP). Doors at 6.30pm, show at 8.30pm.

• Tickets are £16.35 via www.paullmartin.com. Strictly for over-16s. Limited tickets available via LastMinute.com and TicketWeb.co.uk

Pilates in the Caribbean promises swashbuckling adventure and underwater sea creatures as your favourite London cabaret performers lampoon the famous Disney movies starring Johnny Depp and Keira Knightley, as only they know how.

Expect an evil sea-witch, a lobster, a dodgy crew of dastardly pirates and more lewd puns than you can shake your peg-leg at.

Excess All Areas' past pantomimes include Alice in Poundland, Red Riding Hoodie and Cinderella and the Glass Ceiling. Previous performers include Shazia Mirza, Tony-nominated Euan Morton, Sarah-Louise Young, cult-drag performer Timberlina and award-winning burlesque performer Laurie Hagen.

Moored on the Thames, the award-winning Battersea Barge led the way for the cabaret revival with its unique, intimate space.

Food and drink will be served throughout the evening. Audiences are encouraged to arrive at 6.30pm to enjoy a three-course Christmas meal before Pilates in the Caribbean begins.