ELVES - The Garage Theatre Non Equity Auditions

Elves 1989

by Rob Young, Diana Kaufmann, Matt Julian, & Rory Cowan

Directed by Diana Kaufmann

In-Person, Open Call Auditions at The Garage Theatre: 251 E 7th St, Long Beach, CA 90813.

• Monday, March 16, 2026 - 7pm – 9pm

• Tuesday, March 17, 2026 - 7pm – 9pm

• Callbacks are by invitation only. Location and time TBD.

Auditions do not need to be scheduled in advance. Arrive any time between 7pm-9pm. Auditions are first-come-first-served.

Auditions will consist of “cold reading” select scenes from the script. This may include solo monologues and/or scenes with multiple performers. Scenes will likely be performed multiple times with rotating roles. Time and space will be provided to prepare before auditioning. Headshots and/or resumes are not required, but greatly appreciated.

Parking is free on the North side (Right side) of 7th Street. Additional free parking can be found by turning right on Locust Ave. Do not park in the lot behind the theatre. You will be towed.

Synopsis

When Kirsten’s friends are murdered on Christmas Eve, this normal American teenager learns she is the central figure in a bizarre Nazi plot to bring about the Fourth Reich involving genetically engineered elves. Now it’s up to Kirsten and a department store Santa to not just save Christmas, but to save the world!

Genre: ‘80s teen comedy blended with supernatural horror, surreal soap opera, and noir

Narrative Elements: Central Female Character, Exploration of Fate, Destiny, and Mythological Concepts

Cast Size: 12

CHARACTER BREAKDOWN

Kirsten Hiller - Female or female passing, 18+ to look younger.

Kirsten is a wholesome 17-year-old with “ideal” Germanic/Aryan looks. (Blonde hair, blue eyes, etc.) Her character is bright and artistic, despite a very difficult home life. The performer must be comfortable exposing bare shoulders and back. The performer must also be comfortable kissing, embracing, and stabbing a nude man while remaining fully clothed. This show will not include simulations of sexual acts.

Mike McGavin - Male or male passing, 30s-50s.

McGavin is a former police detective who is down on his luck. He is a newly sober alcoholic working as a department store Santa. The performer must be comfortable simulating smoking. This role will be physically active and includes stage combat. Prior combat experience is encouraged but not required.

Dr. Hiller - Male or male passing, 60-85 years old.

Dr. Hiller is Kirsten’s German grandfather. He has a pronounced German accent, is wheelchair-bound, and is a Nazi.

Mother - Female or female passing, 33 years old.

Kirsten’s mother should look too young to have a 17-year-old daughter. She is stern, icy, and a mega-bitch. The performer must be blonde or be willing to wear a blonde wig. The performer must be comfortable simulating animal abuse. No real animals will be involved with the show. The performer must be comfortable engaging in some nudity during a solo death scene. This show will not include sexual situations.

Amy - Female or female passing, 18+ to look younger.

Amy is a close friend of Kirsten. She is a sex-obsessed, teenage bimbo. The performer must be comfortable simulating graphic violence while wearing lingerie.

Brooke - Female or female passing, 18+ to look younger.

Brooke is a close friend of Kirsten. She is a snide and two-faced teenager. The performer must be comfortable simulating graphic violence while wearing lingerie.

Hugh - Male or male passing, 30s-50s.

Hugh is a department store manager. He is over-worked, under-paid, and an uptight jerk.

Elf - Male or male passing, 20s-40s.

The elf is a magical creature conjured to life. They are charming, handsome, and alluring with an athletic build. The performer must be comfortable with stage intimacy including kissing as well as simulating graphic violence while fully nude. The show will not include sexual simulation. Dance and/or movement experience is encouraged but not required.

ONE PERFORMER / TWO ROLES:

Willie - Any gender to play male youth, 18+ to look younger.

Willie is Kirsten’s bratty 11-year-old brother. The performer must be comfortable using foul language.

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Agamemnon - Any gender, any age.

Agamemnon is Kirsten’s cat and confidante. They will be performed by a human in a cat costume for an ethereal dream sequence.

Prof. Fitzpatrick - Any gender, 30s-60s.

Fitzpatrick is as well-versed in mythology as he is passionate and unpredictable. The performer must be comfortable simulating smoking on stage.

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Cop 1 - Any gender, 30s-60s.

Cop 1 is unabashedly corrupt. Sampling drugs at crime scenes is not an uncommon event. The performer must be comfortable simulating illicit drug use.

Cop 2 - Male or male passing, 40-60s.

Cop 2 is seasoned, disillusioned, and has no patience for nonsense.

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Nazi 1 - Male or male passing, 40-60s.

Nazi 1 has a Germanic look—light hair, light eyes, fair skin. They have short hair with a militaristic cut. Their lack of intelligence is only surpassed by their insatiable malice. This role will include stage combat. Prior combat experience is encouraged but not required.

Nazi 2 - Male or male passing, 20s-60s.

Nazi 2 has a Germanic look—light hair, light eyes, fair skin. They have short hair with a militaristic cut. They are physically imposing, cruel, and the perfect example of a heavy enforcer. This role will include stage combat. Prior combat experience is encouraged, but not required

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Eddie - Male or male passing, 20s-60s.

Eddie is a mall Santa and a scumbag through and through. The performer must be comfortable performing graphic dialogue, including verbal sexual harassment resulting in their eventual murder.

Rehearsal Dates

Rehearsals will begin March 23rd at the Garage Theatre on Mondays, Tuesdays, and Wednesdays starting at 7pm.

• Not all actors will be required to attend all rehearsals. A targeted rehearsal schedule will be provided in an effort to maximize efficiency and respect performers' time.

Performance Information

Performances are June 12 – July 11 on Thursdays, Fridays, and Saturdays beginning at 8pm.

(Please note: This show will not perform July 4th)

This show is expected to run two hours including an intermission.