Student Blog: An Imposter On and Off Stage

I had heard of imposter syndrome constantly throughout high school. I, of course, have always experienced the ups and downs of second-guessing myself; some amount of doubt is human. However, I spent kindergarten through senior year in the same suburban school system, surrounded by the same people. It’s not typical to feel out of place in a world you’ve always known. 

So, when I moved to college, I had no clue how to shake this new feeling. I was suddenly surrounded by so many amazing people with incredible stories and talents. Everyone seemed so intelligent; they clearly had such bright futures and so much to offer in a given conversation. There’s excitement that comes with meeting these people and so many opportunities to learn, but the entire time, that same question sits in the back of my mind: Why am I here? 

It almost feels stupid to complain about imposter syndrome as a theatre artist: the basis of our work is pretending to be something we’re not. This semester, I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about the paradoxes of acting. I can perform for a room of 500 people, but have a full-blown panic attack the second I have to make a phone call. We strive for authenticity and vulnerability while taking on a new identity every night. We need so much courage to do what we do, so why do so many of us doubt ourselves? 

Theatre is famous for being an industry full of rejection. That vulnerability that our practice requires can leave us feeling quite fragile and insecure. When we’ve been told “no” so many times, a simple “yes” feels foreign and unearned. 

So, let's do what we know best: Act. Go about your day like you deserve to be here. Treat these conversations like you are meant to be part of them. I’m not saying you have to become an ego-maniac, but the more we tell ourselves that we belong, the more we start to believe it. Try to let go of the notion that you don’t deserve to be here and focus on the fact that you have gotten yourself to this point. At the end of the day, someone recognized that you belong here. 

Another strategy is to allow everyone to be a teacher. Especially in college, you can learn something valuable from nearly everyone you meet. Rather than comparing yourself to them, seek inspiration and connection. Some of the closest friends I have made at University are my biggest role models. I find myself wanting to work harder and seek new opportunities after watching the drive and passion in the community around me. 

As the cliche says, you are who you surround yourself with. The second you enter a room, you are now part of it. Pursue knowledge, make connections, and give yourself a little more grace when that doubt creeps in: you deserve to be here.