Is Monogomy really that impossible?

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Is Monogomy really that impossible?#1
Posted: 3/10/08 at 10:43pm
During a case study for school, I was able to personally interview a lot of adults, male and female, of various ages and in various life situations, about monogomy. (Eventually I was supposed to connect and link it all down to a controlled or uncontrolled human characteristic, human psyche, etc...
Now I don't want to ask any of you any personal questions for stories or anything like that...my final draft has just been printed, e-mailed, re-printed, and put away. But it was astounding to me, as a child of an undivorced marriage, with no real experience in relationships, to see that with everyone I interviewed, they had either been cheated on, or had cheated.
As such, I have to stress that I hope no one thinks it extremely forward and pointless of me to ask this here, but is monogomy really that difficult? I mean, I came to my psychological conclusion for my paper...but in all liklihood is the farthest thing from the truth.
I mean, Denzel Washington? Gun to my head..of course.
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re: Is Monogomy really that impossible?#2
Posted: 3/10/08 at 11:10pm
I wouldn't say that it is "impossible", but I can definitely see the difficulties in it. I mean, between alcohol/other substances/other circumstances I can see why one-off adultery occurs. I can admit that I've cheated on someone -- but it was more of a misunderstanding, really. re: Is Monogomy really that impossible?

Being in a committed relationship now though, I'd like to think that monogamy really is something that could be possible.
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re: Is Monogomy really that impossible?#2
Posted: 3/10/08 at 11:13pm
Monogamy would be a bit more challenging than serial monogamy. Just pointing out that there's a difference. And that's my public service for the day. I wish I could say more on the subject, but I don't know much about it. :
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re: Is Monogomy really that impossible?#3
Posted: 3/10/08 at 11:25pm
Not much I can say, because I have had the same background. But if we had that background, it shows that monogamy is definitely not impossible.
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re: Is Monogomy really that impossible?#4
Posted: 3/11/08 at 12:11am
Not for me it isn't.
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re: Is Monogomy really that impossible?#5
Posted: 3/11/08 at 12:16am
Nope. But I don't think marriage is all that hard either.
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re: Is Monogomy really that impossible?#6
Posted: 3/11/08 at 1:18am
I think monogamy is something invented by the church. From what I've read, it doesn't happen in the animal world.

Maybe I just like my sex. I dunno.
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re: Is Monogomy really that impossible?#7
Posted: 3/11/08 at 5:11am
Penguins mate for life. Actually from what I read, it is pretty common in the avian world, just not the mammal world.
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re: Is Monogomy really that impossible?#8
Posted: 3/11/08 at 7:06am
I thought penguins only stay monogamous for one year.
I believe they choose a different mate each mating season.
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re: Is Monogomy really that impossible?#9
Posted: 3/11/08 at 8:02am
From my experience, it's not that difficult. I think many cases of adultery come from couples who maybe were never "supposed" to be with each other in the first place. If you go into a marraige or a relationship without the thought that that is the person you want to be with forever, which I suspect a lot of people do - more than will admit - then yeah, monogomy will be hard. I'm in a monogomous relationship, and I know how devestating it would be to my girlfriend if I cheated on her. If a relationship is built on trust, adultery is the ultimate betrayal of that trust which, to me at least, means the relationship was never that strong to begin with. I'm not saying that's necessarily true for all people. As a child of divorce I've seen relationships fall apart - but now, with 20 years since my parents got divorced, I can't even begin to imagine how they were together in the first place (though I'm awfully glad they were!)
Hi, Shirley Temple Pudding.
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re: Is Monogomy really that impossible?#10
Posted: 3/11/08 at 8:43am
Monogamy is fine but monogamy plus moralizing is hubris.
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re: Is Monogomy really that impossible?#11
Posted: 3/11/08 at 10:01am
You can do it if you are with the right guy/gal...I didn't have any problems with it in my last relationship because I was happy with him...if only the same could have been said about HIM! Ah well, you live, you learn, you burn him in effigy....
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re: Is Monogomy really that impossible?#12
Posted: 3/11/08 at 10:10am
I think some of the challenge comes from the pressure that we are "supposed" to be monogamous, or that somehow monogamy is more "virtuous" somehow. Nothing appeals like the forbidden fruit, and the lure can eat away at an otherwise secure relationship.....
just keep swimming along, don't rise to the....
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re: Is Monogomy really that impossible?#13
Posted: 3/11/08 at 10:10am
Not hard at all.

(no, that's not a pun!)
"Carson has combined his passion for helping children with his love for one of Cincinnati's favorite past times - cornhole - to create a unique and exciting event perfect for a corporate outing, entertaining clients or family fun."

"In Oz, the verb is douchifizzation." PRS

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re: Is Monogomy really that impossible?#14
Posted: 3/11/08 at 10:22am
True, mmouse, but I already had a slut phase and now that I'm older, I value different things from men. Plus I've had a string of, shall we say, UNSATISFACTORY sexual encounters with forbidden fruits and to be honest, I'd rather be at home spanking it to MSR's latest opus.
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re: Is Monogomy really that impossible?#15
Posted: 3/11/08 at 10:31am
just recall that Jimmy Carter believed even fantasizing was sinning..."lusting in his heart." Those moralistic strictures can really wreak havoc on some psyches!
just keep swimming along, don't rise to the....
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re: Is Monogomy really that impossible?#16
Posted: 3/11/08 at 10:33am
Lucky me, I don't have to worry about sinnin'...unless it's misquoting Little Edie or mixing blue blacks with brown blacks.
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re: Is Monogomy really that impossible?#17
Posted: 3/11/08 at 10:47am
I think a much more valuable concept than "monogamous" is "monoamorous," meaning you choose one love partner for life, rather than one sex partner.

But that would cut out the "serial monogamists" someone mentioned--including heterosexuals like Newt Gingrich and John McCain who cheat on their wives then marry their mistresses then cheat on their wives then marry their mistresses, etc., etc.

I know 2 gay couples, one together for 18 years, one together for more than 20 (23 I think now). They have nursed their partners through sicknesses and job transitions. They have bought property together and signed wills and estate planning and advanced medical directives. They have buried friends, parents, pets.

The first couple has frequent threesomes, and their rule is they only "play" together, never separately. The other couple has a different rule" They are allowed to play separately while one is on a business trip--but they can NEVER play with the same outsider twice. That rule has kept them together for 23 years.

Both couples will be together until the day they die--there's no question in my mind about that. Both couples are loving--there's no doubt in my mind about that either. (And both couples are sexual within the relationship, in case you were thinking they're not.)

Both couples are what I call "monoamorous." They're not looking outside their relationships for love, only for recreation. They're not without their own particular problems, but those problems are not relationship-threatening.

At least not for the first 18 or 23 years.
Updated On: 3/11/08 at 10:47 AM
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re: Is Monogomy really that impossible?#18
Posted: 3/11/08 at 10:51am
jimmy carter is certifiable though.
....but the world goes 'round
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re: Is Monogomy really that impossible?#19
Posted: 3/11/08 at 10:59am
I don't agree with all of Carter's (or most anyone's) views, but damn I hope someday to have something like Habitat for Humanity to my credit, even if I'm thus "certifiable."

I can see a lot of what you mean, P JOEY. I think honesty and respect, not a figurative chastisty belt, might be the key.
just keep swimming along, don't rise to the....
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re: Is Monogomy really that impossible?#20
Posted: 3/11/08 at 10:59am
Whatever gets you through the night, I say. But don't feel like you have to tell everyone how much better you are for doing it.
No good can possibly come from using this vast wasteland of error and deliberate deceit. You should get off of it and warn others away. You should make sure your children and grandchildren know what a corrupt and morally bankrupt institution it truly is.
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re: Is Monogomy really that impossible?#21
Posted: 3/11/08 at 11:02am
^^^
Word!
But that goes for everything.
"Carson has combined his passion for helping children with his love for one of Cincinnati's favorite past times - cornhole - to create a unique and exciting event perfect for a corporate outing, entertaining clients or family fun."

"In Oz, the verb is douchifizzation." PRS

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re: Is Monogomy really that impossible?#22
Posted: 3/11/08 at 11:08am
I think PJ sums up two kinds of relationships that DO exist and DO exist with more honesty and love than the majority of monogamous and "monogamous" relationships I see.

What matters is honesty. That's the most important thing. From there, two people should devise whatever set up works for them.

Do I think most couples are monagamous? No. Hence, all the cheating and hurt and lies. I'd rather it be open and honest than "monogamous" and deceitful.

And, if two people can truly be monogamous, I say good for them!
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re: Is Monogomy really that impossible?#23
Posted: 3/11/08 at 11:13am
Well said, Pal. There are also couples who maintain longterm polyamorous relationships. What it essentially comes down to is the commitment that people in a relationship make to each other. If they say they will be monogamous, they should be monogamous; if they agree that playing separately is okay, that is their business. The terms of the commitment are up to the people in the relationship, and they should be respected and met.
"I am open, and I am willing, For to be hopeless would seem so strange. It dishonors those who go before us, So lift me up to the light of change." Holly Near
Updated On: 3/11/08 at 11:13 AM
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re: Is Monogomy really that impossible?#24
Posted: 3/11/08 at 11:16am
While I think it's great if two people agree and are happy in an open relationship, the terms are strange for me...maybe I feel it is too convoluted (you can only have sex with someone else if you're wearing red shoes on a Thursday.) I wouldnt feel right in such a relationship.

...and I've seen many such unions dissolve when real feelings creep into the extra curricular activities.

I truly do think it's possible, but I dont think that means that monogomy can be any less successful.
"Carson has combined his passion for helping children with his love for one of Cincinnati's favorite past times - cornhole - to create a unique and exciting event perfect for a corporate outing, entertaining clients or family fun."

"In Oz, the verb is douchifizzation." PRS