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"Pasture Prime"

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Broadway Legend
Broadway Legend
"Pasture Prime" #1
Posted: 8/19/07 at 9:37am
From the DL thread of "Make Up Your Favorite Fake Sitcoms?" Which one of you brilliant bitches thought this one up?

Pasture Prime (CBS, 2005)

Retired Broadway Doyennes and arch-enemies, Odessa Fabariccio (Patti LuPone) and Maxine Hopkins (Betty Buckley) inadvertently buy farms in Connecticut right next door to each other! Hillarity ensues when Maxine spies on theatrical Mogul Helmut Bloomingdale (Harvey Fierstein) trying to woo Odessa out of retirement to star in Monty Python's musical version of MacBeth called The Scottish Play: The Musical. In a jealous rage, Maxine vows that she'll do anything to steal that part from her nemesis before falling out of a tree and into Odessa's Frank Wildhorn memorial pool. Odessa decides to teach Maxine a lesson on spying by breaking into her house and stealing her contact lenses, which results in a slapstick scene with Maxine accidently seducing Henry Kissinger, thinking it's Helmut. More comedy aimed at a the gay sensibility ensues, leading up to act 3's fist fight between the two ladies on national television during the Tony awards as they discover they were both offered the same part (Nathan Lane has a cameo just so he can deliver the show's only funny joke about it being a good thing the fight happened during the Tony's because nobody was watching anyway). Mutual friend Carol Channing bails Maxine and Odessa out of jail and over pina coladas at Odessa's pool, the two ladies vow to never fight again-until Carol announces that she was offered the part in The Scottish Play: The Musical. As it turns out all three were indeed offered parts in the show, as the witches. Carol confesses to the ladies how excited she is to work with 2 other "aging" Broadway divas and Maxine and Odessa beat Carol Channing senseless with ears of corn grown on Odessa's own farm. The final scene is of Audra McDonald giving her acceptance speech for Tony award #5 for her zany performance as Lady MacBeth. Audra's microphone cuts out and over the sound system the entire audience listens to Carol Channing dropping a deuce as Maxine and Odessa laugh wildly in the audience and sing "I'm Past My Prime" over the end credits.

For obvious reasons, the show tanked and CBS shoved the second episode up against the season finales of Lost and American Idol.
"Christ, Bette Davis?!?!"
Broadway Star
Broadway Star
re: 'Pasture Prime' #2
Posted: 8/19/07 at 9:41am
Carol Channing dropping a deuce...

My week is made!
Updated On: 8/19/07 at 09:41 AM