A Message From ~Caldwell~

Dollypop
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A Message From ~Caldwell~#0
Posted: 9/8/04 at 8:29pm
Well my Uncle Dollypop came to his census. He came back from Europe and took me out of The Home. It was a crappy place. No internet, no tomatoe plants, and no one could indulge in sofisticated conversation about meaningful theatre. Geeze, most of the kids in The Home didn't even know that Taye Diggs was gonna take over the lead in DRACULA. I mean, come on!

Anyhows, I no longer go to school at Our Lady of Food. Now that I'm living on Long Island, I attend the new St. Welfare Academy. In case you din't know, St. Welfare is the patron saint of people who are on welfare. The principal in our school is a real dork. His name is Brother Purity and he walks around with his hands folded like he's always praying. He makes us start the day with The Serenity Prayer. Isn't that the prayer they recite at Alcoholics Anonymous? I know, because my mother went to a few meetings but decided it was more fun to hang out with her "theatre pals" and drink martinis. We wear uniforms in this school and I hate wearing a tie evry day. Oh well, at least the grils are nice looking.

Theres a Jewish school across the street from ours. You know its Jewish because all the kids come to school in limos and Town cars. At St. Welfares we use public transportation or walk. Theres this one gril at the Jewish school named Madeleine Rosenblatt. I think she likes me. I mean, she offered me a piece of her matzo before school this morning. That makes me think she's serious about me.

Guess what???? Matt_G goes to the Jewish school too! He's kewel! His bruises have faded since he was beaten up by Timothy Drywater for stealing his construction paper. I like Matt. He's teaching me all sorts of dirty things. Ive lived a pretty sheltered life in that duplex. Matt's changing all that.

Oh, by the way, I have a really kewel picture that my uncle brought home from Scotland. Hes wearing kilts. I'm selling it to the highest bidder.

Gotta go. My uncle makes me do my homework every night. Tonight I have to learn all about phonics.

~Caldwell~
"Long live God!" (GODSPELL)
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re: A Message From ~Caldwell~#1
Posted: 9/8/04 at 8:32pm
Welcome back - and not a moment too soon re: A Message From ~Caldwell~
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Rathnait62
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re: A Message From ~Caldwell~#2
Posted: 9/8/04 at 8:34pm
omg caldwell i found the perfect show for us to do in our cabaray!!!
Have I ever shown you my Shattered Dreams box? It's in my Disappointment Closet. - Marge Simpson
The Grovers Corners Yenta
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re: A Message From ~Caldwell~#3
Posted: 9/8/04 at 8:40pm
Oy.I just shlepped over to the Yeshiva in the limo and my meshuganah sister puked over my matzo. I saw this dorky looking boy across the street who looked like he hadnt eaten in awhile so I gave him the pukey matzo. He didnt seem to care. Of course I didnt look him in the eye because he is a genital from St Welfares's School. But he is kinda cute........................................ ,,,,Madeleine,,,,,,,,,,
"Friends are the people you chose as family."....Me.
Dollypop
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re: A Message From ~Caldwell~#4
Posted: 9/8/04 at 9:05pm
Ewww....and I ate that matzo too!
"Long live God!" (GODSPELL)
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re: A Message From ~Caldwell~#5
Posted: 9/8/04 at 10:10pm
I am so glad Calwell is back
"Friends are the people you chose as family."....Me.
Updated On: 9/9/04 at 10:10 PM
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midtowngym
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re: A Message From ~Caldwell~#6
Posted: 9/9/04 at 11:19am
Oh dear Caldwell,
i've missed you this summer (and not in a Michael Jackson sorta way, swear.) I'm glad you're back.
now, when it comes to us jews and food, stand back! We're just as bad as the Italians, but with less red sauce.
'The Devil be hitting me!'--Whitney Houston
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re: A Message From ~Caldwell~#7
Posted: 9/9/04 at 1:05pm
This is not a good day for me. It is raining and that makes my hair frizz. I got my new class schedule today and my teachers are real stupid. I also hate that this is an all girl's school.I will never meet a nice Jewish boy who wants to become a doctor and move to WEstchester and have 2.5 kids and hire a nanny so I can go shopping for Manolo Blaniks. My classes suck. I have Torah study first thing in the morning with the really old rabbi. His breath smells like herring! We have to call him Reb. Ok, that is short for Rabbi. But his last name is weird. It's Withoutacause. His name is Lazar. But he goes by Reb L. Withoutacause. He makes us recite Torah portions in Yidish and Hebrew. I have Ms. Judy Ann Persky for for Math. UGH! Math sucks! We just call her Ms. JAP because those are her initials. Next I have study hall which is kewel. I sit with my friend Malka. We try on each other's make up. I mean why study? We are going to marry rich doctors. Malka can be real selfish. She keeps saying that she keeps kosher better than anyone else. Why does she bring BLT's in her lunch box? People always say how righteous Malka is. MALKA MALKA MALKA MALKA...............I am so tired of hearing that name. After that I have Social Studies with Mr. Rabinowitz. He is very mean. Kids are afraid of him. He can walk into a noisy class room, raise one eyebrow and the class is quiet. I think he will have a nervous breakdown one day and they will send him to a looney bin. My last class today was Kosher Cooking with Ms. Myrna Stewart. She is teaching us how to make perfect matzo balls. Malkas came out like lead. Mine were nice and fluffy. Maybe I can stuff them in my bra so I can have boobies and boys will notice me. BTW, there is this dorky boy across the street at St Welfare's school who keeps staring at me when I get out of the Town Car. It was windy today and the wind blew my skirt up. I knew he saw my panties. Well, mama always said to wear clean underwear!.....................................~~~~~ Madeleine~~~~~~~~~~
"Friends are the people you chose as family."....Me.
Updated On: 9/9/04 at 01:05 PM
Dollypop
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re: A Message From ~Caldwell~#8
Posted: 9/9/04 at 9:41pm
Another un-LOL day. I got to school early and saw that someone had sprayed "Shaquanna Schwartz Luvs Caldwell". I didnt know who the hell this Shaquanna Schwartz was so I axed a few guys and they sayed that she was a student at the Jewish School across the street. I also found out that the Jewish School is actually called the B'nai Bris Yeshiva. Whenever I hear the word yeshiva I want to say "God Bless You". Whenever I hear the word bris I want to run.

Anyhows, I got in trouble at school in English cuz I used the word "awesome" in a paragraph I writ. I dont know whats wrong with using a perfectly good word that happens to be located in the d1ctionary. Our English teacher, Sister Edna St. Vincent, sayed it was a crochet, or something like that. The only crochet I know of is the ones my grandmother did when she made doilies. They weren't awesome, they were just doilies. She had them all over her house. Whenever I walked in her front door I used to say, "hello, doilies!". I thought that was hilarious, but my grandmother smacked me every time I did it.

Oh, BYW: Rob Diamond payed me a small fortune for the picture of Uncle Dollypop in his kilts. I havent got the slightest idea
why he wants it.

If anyone knows who Shaquanna Schwartz is, would they please tell me?

~Caldwell~
"Long live God!" (GODSPELL)
Updated On: 9/9/04 at 09:41 PM
The Grovers Corners Yenta
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re: A Message From ~Caldwell~#9
Posted: 9/9/04 at 10:03pm
Hi Caldwell. My name is Madeleine Rosenblatt and I go to school at the B'nai Bris Yeshiva across the street from your school. I really don't know who Shaquannah Schwartz is. { TEE HEE!} But I can tell you it is almost the holiday of Rosh Shaquannah for the Jewish people. Are you Jewish or are you a Genital? Buy the way.........I think Taye Diggs is so cool. I hope he plays Tevye in Fiddler on the Roof.
"Friends are the people you chose as family."....Me.
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re: A Message From ~Caldwell~#10
Posted: 9/9/04 at 10:05pm
caaaaaaldwell!! doncha wanna kno what show were gonna do for our cabray?????
Have I ever shown you my Shattered Dreams box? It's in my Disappointment Closet. - Marge Simpson
Dollypop
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re: A Message From ~Caldwell~#11
Posted: 9/10/04 at 4:44pm
Of course I wanna know about the show we're doing for our cabray. Its just that i got so exited about getting out of The Home and starting in a new school that I got sidebarred. Whats the show?
"Long live God!" (GODSPELL)
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re: A Message From ~Caldwell~#12
Posted: 9/10/04 at 4:48pm
it's called sideshow. it has lots of dooits bitween the leeds. how tall r u?

shaquanna~~
Have I ever shown you my Shattered Dreams box? It's in my Disappointment Closet. - Marge Simpson
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kissmycookie
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re: A Message From ~Caldwell~#13
Posted: 9/10/04 at 4:55pm
Shaquanna Schwartz and the dorky boy atSt. Welfare's got into a rhumba after school over who likes Caldwell the bestest...
Dollypop
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re: A Message From ~Caldwell~#14
Posted: 9/10/04 at 4:56pm
Oh, so your Shaquanna Schwartz! I'm mad at you. Brother Burity made me stay after sckool yesterday and clean off all the love notes you sprayed on the wall. It was un-LOL. (Are you pretty?)

~Caldwell~
"Long live God!" (GODSPELL)
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ShineOn
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re: A Message From ~Caldwell~#15
Posted: 9/10/04 at 5:16pm
OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!! shaquanna, is there any treeos in SiDeShOw??? i LUV that show SO SO SO SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO musch!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

im new to the bored but i live next dorr to shaqqy. im dont go to skool with her, tho. im not a joo, tho, im a genatile, like u claddy.

btw cladwell, im gonna be in sister edna st. vincents class next yera!!!!!!! im SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO ecsited!!! i here shes AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

LOVE!!!!!!
**LIVVY**
"You! You are the worst thing to happen to musical theatre since Andrew Lloyd Webber! And you, well, I just plain don't like you."
~Stewart Gilligan Griffin
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re: A Message From ~Caldwell~#16
Posted: 9/10/04 at 5:24pm
ok furst of all i did not rite that. at all. i so do not have a crush on u caldwell. that was that beyatch livvy from next dore to me. she is always stuuring up truble. watch out fore hur!!!!!!!!

NO LIVVY U CANNOT BEE IN HOUR SHOOOOOOWWWW!!! U NO TALINT GENITAL!!!!!!

i drected a pruducshion of fidler in my bakyard and livvy lied and tole me she cud sing and that she was jewish. so i let hur play huddel. she totaly runed my showwwwww!!!! my grandparents wure theyre to and she isn't even jewish!!!!!!!! i cryed and cryed for like a munth.
Have I ever shown you my Shattered Dreams box? It's in my Disappointment Closet. - Marge Simpson
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kissmycookie
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re: A Message From ~Caldwell~#17
Posted: 9/10/04 at 5:28pm
is there gonna be a rhumba b-tween Shaquanna and livvy too?
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re: A Message From ~Caldwell~#18
Posted: 9/10/04 at 5:39pm
u no it!!! im soooo gonna take that beyatch DOOOOWWWNWNNN!!!! sorry abut all this caldwell.

shaquanna~~
Have I ever shown you my Shattered Dreams box? It's in my Disappointment Closet. - Marge Simpson
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re: A Message From ~Caldwell~#19
Posted: 9/10/04 at 5:42pm
Tonight is Shabbos and it is when we pretend to be a family. We get all dressed up and eat chicken soup. My mother lights the candles and we have wine and challah . All I can think about is that cute boy across the street at St Welfare's. His name is Caldwell. He seems like a nice boy. I gave him a piece of matzo the other day but then I felt bad because my idiot sister puked on it before I gave it to him. The thing is I think I should make it up to him. It wasnt a nice thing to do. Maybe my mother will let me invite him for the holidays. She is making a brisket and potato kugel. I wonder if Caldwell eats that becase he is a genital. I also think he might like to blow the chaffeur on the holidays. In school today, they announced a special field trip that is vital to every Jewish girl. We are going to visit a plastic surgeon to learn about nose jobs and face lifts. I want to know more about boobie enhancement. I think if I had bigger boobies, he might notice me.
"Friends are the people you chose as family."....Me.
Dollypop
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re: A Message From ~Caldwell~#20
Posted: 9/10/04 at 8:47pm
I notice you Madeleine Rosenblatt. How cud I miss you? My mother's martini pitcher could balance on your rear end without problems. I'd ruv to come to yur house for Rosh Shaquanna. Ill wear that special hat I wore in FIDDLER when we did the show in 6th grade. Will Matt_G be there?

~Caldwell~
"Long live God!" (GODSPELL)
Updated On: 9/10/04 at 08:47 PM
The Grovers Corners Yenta
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re: A Message From ~Caldwell~#21
Posted: 9/10/04 at 9:05pm
Caldwell,you notice my rear end? Is that good? I dont know. We call it a tuchas. It would be nice for you to come for Rosh Shaquannah dinner. My mother says it is ok as long as you like brisket and potato kugel. Maybe we can have some Manishewitz wine, too. It is very sweet. But dont get too drunk. My mother says that genitals like to drink. Do you know what the holiday of Rosh Shaquannah is? We blow the chaffeur then.
"Friends are the people you chose as family."....Me.
Dollypop
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re: A Message From ~Caldwell~#22
Posted: 9/10/04 at 9:11pm
Brisket? Is that like "A brisket, a tasket, a green and yellow basket"?

I dont drink. I seen what alcohol did to my mother.

As for your rear end, it impossible to miss. Have you ever thought of turning it into a breakfast nook?

~CALDWELL~
"Long live God!" (GODSPELL)
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re: A Message From ~Caldwell~#23
Posted: 9/10/04 at 9:22pm
Caldwell, I am very hurt about what you said about my rear end. I was nice enough to invite you and look at what you say to me. Can you tell I am taking a class in Jewish Guilt at the Yeshiva? Brisket is meat in a gravy. My Mom's is the best. Brisket is also what the Mohelcarries his intruments in when he goes to circumvent a baby boy. I think I need to have bigger boobies so you wont notice my rear end.~~~~~~~~ Madeleine~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Friends are the people you chose as family."....Me.
Updated On: 9/10/04 at 09:22 PM
Dollypop
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re: A Message From ~Caldwell~#24
Posted: 9/10/04 at 9:26pm
I didnt mean to offend you. You dont have to get bigger boobs. The ones you have now are being held up by steel girders, arent they?

~Caldwell~
"Long live God!" (GODSPELL)