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To Be A Republican

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Albin
Broadway Legend
joined:5/15/03
Broadway Legend
joined:
5/15/03
To Be A Republican#0
Posted: 7/14/04 at 9:11am
Things you have to believe to be a Republican today:

1. Being a drug addict is a moral failing and a crime, unless you're a conservative radio host. Then it's an illness and you need our prayers for your recovery.
2. The United States should get out of the United Nations, and our highest national priority is enforcing U.N. resolutions against Iraq.
3. Government should relax regulation of Big Business and Big Money but crack down on individuals who use marijuana to relieve the pain of illness.
4. "Standing Tall for America" means firing your workers and moving their jobs to India.
5. A woman can't be trusted with decisions about her own body, but multi-national corporations can make decisions affecting all mankind without regulation.
6. Jesus loves you, and shares your hatred of homosexuals and Hillary Clinton.
7. The best way to improve military morale is to praise the troops in speeches while slashing veterans' benefits and combat pay.
8. If condoms are kept out of schools, adolescents won't have sex.
9. A good way to fight terrorism is to belittle our long-time allies, then demand their cooperation and money.
10. HMOs and insurance companies have the interest of the public at heart.
11. Providing health care to all Iraqis is sound policy. Providing health care to all Americans is socialism.
12. Global warming and tobacco's link to cancer are junk science, but creationism should be taught in schools.
13. Saddam was a good guy when Reagan armed him, a bad guy when Bush's daddy made war on him, a good guy when Cheney did business with him and a bad guy when Bush needed a "we can't find Bin Laden" diversion.
14. A president lying about an extramarital affair is an impeachable offense. A president
lying to enlist support for a war in which thousands die is solid defense policy.
15. Government should limit itself to the powers named in the Constitution, which include banning gay marriages and censoring television and the Internet.
16. The public has a right to know about Hillary's cattle trades, but George Bush's driving record is none of our business.
17. Trade with Cuba is wrong because the country is communist, but trade with China and Vietnam is vital to a spirit of international harmony.

Feel free to pass these on.
If you don't send them to at least 10 other people, we're likely to be stuck
with Bush for 4 more years.
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Mister Matt
Broadway Legend
joined:5/17/03
Broadway Legend
joined:
5/17/03
re: To Be A Republican#1
Posted: 7/14/04 at 9:37am
Hilarious! I'm sending it to my mother right away!
"What can you expect from a bunch of seitan worshippers?" - Reginald Tresilian
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papalovesmambo
Broadway Legend
joined:11/4/03
Broadway Legend
joined:
11/4/03
re: to be a republican#2
Posted: 7/14/04 at 9:51am
thank you, albin, for so clearly articulating my beliefs. it's not often i come across a piece of writing that so clearly and concisely spells out why my heart goes pitty pat when i see gw splashed across the screen.
r.i.p. marco, my guardian angel.

...global warming can manifest itself as heat, cool, precipitation, storms, drought, wind, or any other phenomenon, much like a shapeshifter. -- jim geraghty

pray to st. jude

i'm a sonic reducer

he was the gimmicky sort

fenchurch=mejusthavingfun=magwildwood=mmousefan=bkcollector=bradmajors=somethingtotalkabout: the fenchurch mpd collective
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Albin
Broadway Legend
joined:5/15/03
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joined:
5/15/03
re: to be a republican#3
Posted: 7/14/04 at 9:55am
I wish I could take credit for this, but I received this in an email, however it spells out so clearly why I am an ardent Democrat.
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papalovesmambo
Broadway Legend
joined:11/4/03
Broadway Legend
joined:
11/4/03
re: to be a republican#4
Posted: 7/14/04 at 9:59am
well, whoever wrote it clearly understands the minds and hearts of us republicans. although they did leave out the little known plan that we have for doing away with the bill of rights and replacing it with the ten commandments. that is, of course, after we abolish all other political parties and assume ultimate power from vence vee shall rule for un t'ousnd yearz!
r.i.p. marco, my guardian angel.

...global warming can manifest itself as heat, cool, precipitation, storms, drought, wind, or any other phenomenon, much like a shapeshifter. -- jim geraghty

pray to st. jude

i'm a sonic reducer

he was the gimmicky sort

fenchurch=mejusthavingfun=magwildwood=mmousefan=bkcollector=bradmajors=somethingtotalkabout: the fenchurch mpd collective
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J.J.
Stand-by
joined:6/6/03
Stand-by
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6/6/03
re: to be a republican#5
Posted: 7/14/04 at 11:16am
Amazing! I believe you hit all the negative aspects of republicans. Then again...what good aspects to those people have?
"Mutate or perish."
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Mister Matt
Broadway Legend
joined:5/17/03
Broadway Legend
joined:
5/17/03
re: to be a republican#6
Posted: 7/14/04 at 11:25am
My brother is a Republican and until recently, he fit pretty neatly into that mold. Of course, we all know that not EVERY Republic fits the stereotypes, but it does seem to reflect the current administration pretty accurately.
"What can you expect from a bunch of seitan worshippers?" - Reginald Tresilian
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thirdrowcenter
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joined:5/16/03
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joined:
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re: to be a republican#7
Posted: 7/14/04 at 11:47am
Albin congratulations on the great commercial. You really can move!
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mominator
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joined:4/10/04
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re: to be a republican#8
Posted: 7/14/04 at 4:48pm
Sing it from the rooftops Albin!!
"All I ask of you is one thing: please don't be cynical. I hate cynicism -- it's my least favorite quality and it doesn't lead anywhere. Nobody in life gets exactly what they thought they were going to get. But if you work really hard and you're kind, amazing things will happen." Conan O'Brien
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zoran912
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joined:7/2/03
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re: to be a republican#9
Posted: 7/14/04 at 9:53pm
KERRY/EDWARDS!!!
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Broadwaybaby614
Broadway Star
joined:5/15/04
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re: to be a republican#10
Posted: 7/15/04 at 12:28am
Albin is my new best friend.
"And now for something completely different..."
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broadwaystar2b
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joined:3/28/04
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re: to be a republican#11
Posted: 7/15/04 at 12:31am
Corine2 and I have already decided on Charles Busch for President and Nathan Lane for VP.

Albin, I, broadwaystar2b, nominate you for the position of Secretary of State!
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ckeaton
Broadway Legend
joined:11/11/03
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joined:
11/11/03
re: to be a republican#12
Posted: 7/15/04 at 12:48am
Amazing! I believe you hit all the negative aspects of republicans. Then again...what good aspects to those people have?

Very thoughtful and intellegent post. It is open mindedness and concern for your fellow man, as well as for diversity that make people like you a disgrace. I challenge you... what "good aspects" do you have? Obviously not any of the things that I have mentioned so far.
Hamlet's father.