Page: 1

I'm Having An Awful And Dreadful Time, And I Seek Some Advice

BudFrump23 Profile PhotoBudFrump23 Profile Photo
BudFrump23
Broadway Star
joined:5/20/03
Broadway Star
joined:
5/20/03
How do you all deal with death? It's so hard to have someone taken away from you, especially a 16-year-old guy who everyone loved and nobody had anything bad to say. With straigh-A's, one the soccer and x-country ski team, my friend Mathias was at the top of his games and going places. But last Friday, he suddenly died in his sleep and didn't wake up. They haven't found a cause, but he was in perfect health. I'm having a tough time dealing with this, and my parents aren't very supportive. My friends all seem to want to be alone, but I want to be with people. It's just hard losing someone so young. I would love any advice, feel free to PM me or post it here. The memorial was today, and I haven't had dry eyes since. Thank you all.
I'm as jumpy as a virgin at a prison rodeo!
son_of_a_gunn_25 Profile Photoson_of_a_gunn_25 Profile Photo
son_of_a_gunn_25
Broadway Legend
joined:11/11/03
Broadway Legend
joined:
11/11/03
I went to a small Catholic school for 9 years. One classroom for each grade level and about 20 students in each class. My freshman year in high school a kid (Brad) who had been in my class all 9 years died from an asthma attack in his sleep. We were a close class. I feel for you and will keep you in my prayers. I know its hard right now to see, but this will make you a stronger person in the end if you let it. Right now just concentrate on the mourning. It is very important and don't be afraid to let your feelings out. Brad is one of the inspirations for who I have become today. Remember the good times and cry if you feel like it, and be supportive to all his family and your friends. Let your friends know that even if they might not seem to want to be together now, that if they ever want to call or come over and hang out or just talk, that you are there. You should also tell them that you need company if you haven't told them already. Don't just say, "Hey wanna come over?" say, "I really need to talk and be with people right now."I Once again, I am sorry for your loss.
My avatar is a reminder to myself. I need lots of reminders...
Updated On: 2/4/04 at 07:24 PM
Maggie Profile PhotoMaggie Profile Photo
Maggie
Broadway Star
joined:5/21/03
Broadway Star
joined:
5/21/03
Oh Bud, I am so terribly sorry about your friend. That is a terrible thing to ever have to experience.
I was a senior in high school when one of my friends was killed in a car accident. I was devasted...I had no idea how to deal with it. I didn't want to do anything...couldn't eat, sleep and had no desire to go to work or school. I could've used counseling or a support group but I never went.
If you're looking for people to be around then I would definitely try to find a support group.

Maybe your parents don't fully understand how hard this has hit you. Try talking to them and making them understand.

It will get better as time passes...try to remember all the good times you had with your friend. The good memories are what will comfort you.
Dollypop
Broadway Legend
joined:5/15/03
Broadway Legend
joined:
5/15/03
I feel for you, Bud. If you feel the need to get a load off your chest, don't be afraid to PM me.

Hang in there--and say a few prayers.
"Long live God!" (GODSPELL)
Dollypop
Broadway Legend
joined:5/15/03
Broadway Legend
joined:
5/15/03
Double posting. I'm sorry.
"Long live God!" (GODSPELL)
Updated On: 2/4/04 at 08:12 PM
racerchiquita76m Profile Photoracerchiquita76m Profile Photo
racerchiquita76m
Featured Actor
joined:1/24/04
Featured Actor
joined:
1/24/04
I'm so sorry to hear about your friend. I went to a small school, and several people died while I attended. Though it won't take the pain away, maybe one thing you could do is something to keep his memory alive. Maybe an annual sports competition in his name (donate any proceedings to a scholarship fund) or something as simple as a memory book. I hope these ideas help, and will be thinking of you.
Gothampc
Broadway Legend
joined:5/20/03
Broadway Legend
joined:
5/20/03
I'm not sure how you believe in a religious way, but I will tell you what I believe. I believe in God and I believe that He has prepared a place for those who live a good life. I believe that your friend hasn't ceased to exist, but simply moved to another place, which I call Heaven. While it is hard to deal with the separation of a friend or loved one, you can take comfort in the fact that one day you will meet your friend again, and it will be in a place where everything is perfect and designed specifically with you in mind. Your friendship has not ended, it has been merely delayed for a better time and place.
If anyone ever tells you that you put too much Parmesan cheese on your pasta, stop talking to them. You don't need that kind of negativity in your life.
etoile Profile Photoetoile Profile Photo
etoile
Broadway Legend
joined:8/2/03
Broadway Legend
joined:
8/2/03
Time does heal. It doesn't diminish your feelings or your loss but with time you will continue on. I do believe that the good do die young. Maybe their lives are meant to be an example. I don't know.

I just lost an old friend that I hadn't talked to in years. The day he died he had just started a new job returning to my department. We talked and laughed on the phone that afternoon. He died that night. While I can't make sense of it, I know he died a happy person.

Don't be afraid to tell his family all the positive things you have to say. Any antidotes that come to mind. That's something that, when they're able to absorb it, they'll enjoy and welcome hearing. It may also be helpful to you.
Rest in peace, Iflitifloat.
EddieVarley Profile PhotoEddieVarley Profile Photo
EddieVarley
Broadway Legend
joined:2/4/04
Broadway Legend
joined:
2/4/04
So sorry for your loss, remember how wonderful it was to have been blessed in meeting him, I wish you strength and peace during this sad time.
Are you following BroadwayWorld.com yet on Facebook & Twitter? click here.
BudFrump23 Profile PhotoBudFrump23 Profile Photo
BudFrump23
Broadway Star
joined:5/20/03
Broadway Star
joined:
5/20/03
Thank you all for these wonderful messages. They really helped a lot! Last night, I calmed down and went to a friends house, and it was nice and we chatted and laughed. It was a nice way to end such a terrible day. We decided we are making a quilt, and will pass out patches individually at school so people can sign them and put whatever they want on it, then give it to his parents.

I'm as jumpy as a virgin at a prison rodeo!
sabrelady Profile Photosabrelady Profile Photo
sabrelady
Broadway Legend
joined:5/16/03
Broadway Legend
joined:
5/16/03
Grief is something that must just be worked through. No timetables, every experience is different. Concentrate on the positive -what you gave him and try to be grateful for how much he gave to u. One of the things I tell people a lot is it hurts so much because u cared so much. There could have been less pain but then there would have had to have been less caring. I don't know anyone who has wished for less caring. Be Well Be Happy. The best tribute.
Words that confuse censors:Fecund,penal,taint, titmouse, cockatoo,coccyx, ballcock, cockeye, prickly,kumquat, titter,cunning linguist, insertion, gobble, guzzle, swallow, manhole, rimshot,ramrod,come, fallacious, lugubrious,rectify,Uranus, angina, paradiddle,spotted dick,dictum, frock,cunctation, engorge,turgid,stiff, bush, uvula, crapulence, masticate, Dick Butkus, gherkin and of course the always bewildering lickety split. As you can see, context is every thing. Chuck Lorre Addendum: 555 382 5968 "Sexarama, Hexarama, Queeriosis, Feariosis!" Alec Baldwin Im going to have to science the shit outta this. The Martian
BudFrump23 Profile PhotoBudFrump23 Profile Photo
BudFrump23
Broadway Star
joined:5/20/03
Broadway Star
joined:
5/20/03
I just wanted to let everyone know that I am doing much better. Being around people has really helped me through this, but I would also like to share an amazing experience that I had last night with you.

After returning home from a Shakespeare workshop, I collapsed in my bed at 10 PM and cried for a bit. Then, I began to pray. Soon, it turned into me talking to Mathias. I told him we all missed him, and how wonderful he was. My last words were, "I love you Mathias."

The second I said those words, my alarm clock went off. I turned on my light and shut it off. I figured I had just set it to a werid time last weekend, because I'm always taking naps in the afternoon and setting my alarm to wake me up at night. Well, I checked the alarm set - and it was set for 7 AM, which is when I get up for school. I have no other explanation.

I feel like it was a sign of some sort. Perhaps he was saying its time to let go, or he was responding. But it was lovely.

I'm as jumpy as a virgin at a prison rodeo!