Miss Saigon: the worst Broadway show I ever saw

[ChenghisKhan]

A few months ago at the end of April, my high school music group and I went to see Miss Saigon in NYC. After watching it, I found it absolutely atrocious. The first act (before intermission) was so poorly written! It didn't make any sense! Who the hell wrote the screenplay? I will list what I hated in the first act: 

• First of all, this play takes place during the Vietnam WAR. As far as I know, there wasn't even one single battle! Now I not saying that the play should reenact scenes of people getting massacred, but rather light skirmishes between the American soldiers fighting the Vietcong, with Kim and Chris becoming stranded in the midst of the fighting and gunfire, with bullets and projectiles whizzing over their heads.
• The act opens with the Engineer revealing himself and saying: "Welcome to DREAMLAND!", and the next I saw were a bunch of strippers dancing and singing. What kind of opening is that!? 
• After taking Kim away to his quarters, Chris is seen spending time with Kim for like what? 30 minutes? However long he spent with Kim, it was very short compared to the events that actually occurred, both reality wise in terms of the time that would've theoretically elapsed in real life and in terms of screen time. 
• The events transitioned too quickly! In the play, only about what!? A few days after Kim and Chris's wedding ceremony was Chris forced to evacuate Vietnam for America. And I know somewhere within three years (the time that elapsed between the time that Chris was seen in Vietnam and the first scene of him in bed with his new wife Ellen), Chris remarried, right after he swore his love to Kim and promised to bring her to America. That sounds a little like the Odyssey, right?
• Who would remarry after only two to three years of separation since officially marrying (although not legally) his first wife? I've heard of people never remarrying even after separating for longer periods of time. That doesn't make sense! Wouldn't Chris still remember Kim after travelling back to America? Can anybody recall the Greek epic Odyssey, where Odysseus struggles to return to his wife Penelope after being stranded at sea for 20 years, during which Penelope has resisted all of the suitors advances until Odysseus arrives?
• They cut out three years worth of battle in the end of Act I from when Chris is last seen together with Kim, to when the Vietnamese soldiers dancing in front of the bust of Ho Chi Minh singing a song about victory (I believe it was a victory song. Correct me if I'm wrong.)

Now some of you might be tempted to ask; "Alright so now that you've ranted quite a bit about the first scene, what's your point?" Here are my ideas for the first scene: 

• The opening scene should show soldiers returning from the battlefield, settling in with two of the soldiers, John and Chris being introduced. Then the scene should switch to the soldiers entering the strip bar, AND THEN the Engineer, the bargirls and Kim should reveal themselves.
• In the scene just before Chris is evacuated from Vietnam, a battle should occur: Chris and Kim are spending time and talking, when their conversation is abruptly interrupted by the sound of jet engines and the silhouettes of several fighter jets cruising overhead. Then the sound of a cruising missile is heard; Chris screams: "GET DOWN!" as he and Kim dive outward just as the missile strikes the cabin, reducing it to smithereens.
• Then, Vietcong jump out from buildings on the opposite side and open fire. American soldiers (on Kim and Chris's side) appear and return fire. Chris and Kim are then caught in the midst of the battle, and are seen running from the battle. Hiding behind the wreckage, they are soon accompanied the retreating American soldiers led by John. Then the group of American soldiers, and including Kim and Chris run from the onslaught, with John screaming in a walkie talkie screaming: "CALL AN AIRSTRIKE!" 
• The same fighter jets now make another pass, and as the troops charge, the planes drop the second payload of explosives and smothers the Vietcong and the ruined village. But Chris happens to be a little too close to one of the explosions and is thrown into the air and lands right in front of the soldiers. 
• Chris is knocked out from the explosion and the soldiers say that he has a concussion and shrapnel lodged in his head. The last scene should show him being airlifted offstage by a helicopter. 
• And the rest how is in the original script of Miss Saigon. That would be the last scene of him in Vietnam during the duration of Act I.

Based on this, I would say that not only does this make this act more historically accurate, but also it gives Chris and the rest of the soldiers a more heroic character. Also, because Chris suffers a concussion, he is sent back to America and after he recovers, it would make sense to why he would not remember Kim and instantly marry another woman. What do you say? Post your comments below. Oh and here was a partial inspiration for my own version of the first act: 

 

[LizzieCurry]

Did you write this on spec for The Onion?

[LYLS3637]

It's "My high school music group and I"

[BroadwayConcierge]

I read up to "screenplay" and then I stopped.

[dramamama611]

And while you are entitled to like or dislike any show, you should at least make sure that you understand how theater (or even storytelling works.   Just sayin'.

[ChenghisKhan]

What are your thoughts on my version of Act I? Sorry for my grammatical error.

[dramamama611]

BTW.....I took my own group of HS kids, around the same time, and many of them loved it.   

[trpguyy]

Don't feed the trolls. 

[ChenghisKhan]

Continue reading, and give me some feedback on your thoughts about my version.

[RaisedOnMusicals]

I see you joined today just to post this diatribe. I suggest that you withdraw for a while and gain some perspective. And it's a script, not a screenplay. 

It's not that some of your opinions lack merit or aren't interesting takes. And I understand that you're still in high school. But it's theater, where not everything can take place in real time. So go to college and study playwriting and maybe you'll win a Tony some day for a screenplay. I mean a book. 

[LizzieCurry]

ChenghisKhan said: "Continue reading, and give me some feedback on your thoughts about my version."

We're not your interns.

Also, the show is older than you, and while it has its problems, I don't think you're the one to solve them.

[SuddenlySeymour3]

It might help to watch the documentary  LAST DAYS IN VIETNAM (on Netflix), for some context, before recruiting Michael Bay to direct your rewrite. 

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Last_Days_in_Vietnam

[Mister Matt]

When does school start?

[KnewItWhenIWasInFron]

LizzieCurry said: "ChenghisKhan said: "Continue reading, and give me some feedback on your thoughts about my version."

We're not your interns.

Also, the show is older than you, and while it has its problems, I don't think you're the one to solve them.

 

"

Disregarding the baffling OP, I will say that I think I agree with the subject. I get that the spectacle is impressive but I cannot believe there is another production of this offensive, sexist, racist crap.

 

[South Florida]

Capital letters scare me.

 

[ChenghisKhan]

#RaisedOnMusicals alright fine: script. But do you at least get my point? I mean even though I am not an expert at drama, at least compared to most of the people on this forum, but still I know enough about drama to have have a say when analyzing them. After all, its really the plot that counts, not the acting and drama. Ok fine acting and drama also do count a lot as well, but the script is whats most important. And no, I do not intend to ask the screenwriter to alter the original script, I'm just giving feedback and expressing opinion on the show. And I am not employing Michael Bay to remake Miss Saigon. I'm just wondering what you people will think if the play was more historically realistic, adding the bombs and skirmishes.

[BrodyFosse123]

Screenplay.  

Moron.

I also stopped reading after that word. 

Moron.  

[dramamama611]

I understand war without having to be hit over the head with "war things".  

 

[Margo319]

[Dave28282]

ChenghisKhan said: "Continue reading, and give me some feedback on your thoughts about my version.

 

"

I think it's very important for the story to start with the Engineer and the girls.

I also think your "version" is a rambling rant of a highschool kid who has played too many computer games.

[ChenghisKhan]

BrodyFosse123 said: "Screenplay.  

Moron.

I also stopped reading after that word. 

Moron.  "

 

Alright; while I may not be very familiar with Theatrical terms and vocabulary, I am still familiar enough with Theater itself to be able to be able to have a say regarding it.

 

 

[GeorgeandDot]

Ok, but are we all just going to act like Miss Saigon isn't super problematic?  I enjoyed it, but it definitely has some problems with it's writing.  I get that the OP wasn't necessarily the most eloquent in their analysis of the show, but can we not act like they're a troll just because they share a different opinion.

[Mister Matt]

I take it you didn't read his battle scene recreations for the stage?

[ChenghisKhan]

Dave28282 said: "ChenghisKhan said: "Continue reading, and give me some feedback on your thoughts about my version.

 

"

I think it's very important for the story to start with the Engineer and the girls.

I also think your "version" is a rambling rant of a highschool kid who has played too many computer games.

 

"

Ok I'm not a computer game crazed critic who thinks that every play should incorporate or feature, well, "video game drama," if that's what you would call my ideas. I don't even play video games, GODDAMMIT! But, like I said at least just one battle should be included in the play. Like I said, the play took place during the Vietnam WAR. And while no major battles that involved planes dropping bombs on villages, its at least better to incorporate them, rather than what Miss Saigon actually reenacted. At least, it would make the show more intense and give the characters a more "valiant" and "heroic" character.

[GeorgeandDot]

Matt I did, but... idk... this thread is really weird... I'm just going to leave. Ya'll have fun.