Broadway Catastrophes: First Wives Club

[BakerWilliams]

I’m starting a series of posts about the tracking of disastrous musicals as seen from the contemporary perspectives on this board. Just thought it would be fun for us all to laugh at terribleness of these shows’ development progress as sort of a latter day Not Since Carrie situation. First up, First Wives Club.

 

For those who don’t know the film, The First Wives Club is a movie from 1996 starring Bette Midler, Goldie Hawn, and Diane Keaton. It’s about a trio of divorced women who decide to get revenge on their ex-husbands financially, but end up not going through with it, instead pushing their new men to create a center for abused women. It’s not a particularly memorable movie, the kind of thing you half watch while your sick in bed, but it has the notable distinction of three A-list stars in it, as well as some of the worst cinematography of any movie ever made (not to mention a terrible wig for Bette Middler). The three attractive lead roles as well as the fundamental blandness of the movie make it ripe for musical adaptation, which favors turning toothless films like Kinky Boots or Newsies into even more toothless musicals.

 

The idea for a musical of the film first came from BWW user FOAnatic, who in March of 2005 said that “There is so much there to work with. You've got three strong female leads, three supporting male characters and a VERY funny book to work with. That movie keeps me in stitches every time I watch it and there are so many moments when I am just waiting for them to break into a musical number. In fact, the end of the movie when they sing "You Don't Own Me" would prove to be a spectacular finale to a Broadway musical.” The reception to this idea was very positive, with many people saying that it would be a choice piece for some great ladies of the stage to tackle. Marc Shaiman himself responded with a “hmmm”, implying that he might have considered the material ripe for adaptation.

 

Flash forward three months and in June of 2005, Playbill posted an article saying that a musical based on The First Wives Club would head to Broadway with music by Eddie Holland, Lamont Dozier and Brian Hollan, who pop songwriters without a Broadway show to their name. Always a good idea, right? Well, the reception was once again positive, though slightly less so due to the announced songwriting team. At the time, such names as Marin Mazzie, Victoria Clarke, Joanna Gleason, Bernadette Peters, Rachel York, Karen Ziemba, and Mary Testa were all named in dream casting the show. The rumors continued to spin, with this site itself publishing an article suggesting Megan Mullally, Stockard Channing, Bernadette Peters, and Queen Latifah. Casting rumors continued until the end of 2006. May of 2007 saw another resurgence in press for the show, with Francesca Zambello assigned to direct and Rupert Holmes given the role of writing the book. The show was rumored in May of 2008 by BWW user somethingwicked to have an out-of-town tryout in the fall of 2008 in San Francisco, but keep in mind that 3 years had quietly slipped by since this was supposed to happen originally. Until, of course, the San Francisco season was announced and First Wives was not on the docket. 

 

Finally, in September of 2008, the show was announced to premiere at San Diego’s Old Globe Theatre in the Summer of 2009. With a recent track record of shows transferring to Broadway from that company (Dirty Rotten Scoundrels, How the Grinch Stole Christmas, A Catered Affair, etc.), it seemed obvious that the show was headed for the great white way. Francesca Zambello was still on board to direct, despite her only Broadway credit being the notorious disaster of a Little Mermaid musical. Carolee Carmello was originally going to take on the role of Annie, at least that’s what the press release said, along with Ana Gasteyer and Adriane Lennox. Until, of course, Carmello was replaced by a certain Karen Ziemba, who is of course famous for stealing Eartha Kitt’s Tony Award for being in that dance thing called Contact. Also replaced was Ana Gasteyer, with Barbara Walsh the replacement. But wait! Lenox ended up being replaced as well (supposedly due to “health concerns" by Sheryl Lee Ralph. With an entirely new set of women, the show seemed set to limp into its premiere at the Old Globe, wounded, but not dead.

 

But underneath all this, there was a constant rumble of dread. This show, which had once been so hotly anticipated, set to star every Broadway dive from Patti to La Bette herself, now was stuck on a beach in California with a cast that seemed to be playing musical chairs with how much swapping they were doing, directed by a women firmly considered to be a hack, written by a man whose previous writing credits included the extremely similar The Mystery of Edwin Drood and Curtains, but whose claim to fame was having written and performed the Piña Colada song (if you like Piña Coladas….). Not to mention the composers, three unknown Motown songwriters who hadn’t had any hits in several decades. Was this show headed for disaster? Only those who saw it could ever tell us for sure. 

 

The first BWW user to see the show was Wildcard, who thought that it was “bland”, claiming that the talented cast was wasted on such weak and flimsy material. The consensus from everyone was that it was a totally lifeless, toothless, charmless musical with a talented cast and terrible music. User noahrp3 comments on a specific and rather outré moment in the show, specifically “the number with the 3 husbands in the second act with one in leather, one almost naked making his pecs dance, and the other looking like an idiot in pajamas...I wish I had a video of it...it was unreal”. Then came an infamous video clip showing a part of the show (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wCs5nPUZnY4), which really has to be seen to be believed. The choreography is a mess, the staging is as unfocused as they come, the music is terrible, everyone is off key, and most of the cast looks catatonic, as though they just took an overdose of Ambien and are waiting for the sweat release of death to make the godawful music just stop. From that moment on, the show went from bad to legendary, and there was no turning back. The opening of the show was picketed by those who had not been paid by the producers of the show, though those who want to preserve the integrity of the American musical might have joined in…

 

Then came a review of the show by BWW user ABB2357 in which he called it “the most dismal, atrocious piece of theatre I've seen in 20 years+ of theatergoing. I've seen Broadway shows, tours, regional theatre, high school and college productions, you name it. This dog takes the cake”. Compared to this the producers were lucky that most of the professional reviews considered it harmless but forgettable. Though the production extended and a new and improved video reel was shot, the show was DOA and all plans to move the show to New York seemed dropped. The show became a bit of an in-joke on the boards for a few years, including sarcastic mentions in best musical of the 21st century threads and Pulitzer predictions and the unbelievably beautiful remembrance thread for the show (https://www.broadwayworld.com/board/readmessage.php?thread=1034487#41747090), which also included news that, 6 years after it was an embarrassment for everyone, the show was…coming back!? 

 

Yup, the show that everyone hoped to forget was returning in full force, this time premiering at Chicago’s Oriental Theatre, directed by Simon Phillips, an Australian director who helmed Priscilla: Queen of the Desert. Linda Bloodworth-Thompson was brought on to write the book, she of Designing Women fame, which was of course almost 30 years old at the time. Since then, not too many of her shows had been successful… But hey, at least Faith Prince, Carmen Cusack, and Christine Sherrill were announced in the cast, and two of those ladies are reliably wonderful. 

 

The Chicago production got off to a rough start, with some truly abysmal artwork, but reports were much more positive than in San Diego. Instead of steaming hot ****e, we got merely tepid gruel in a bland as hell package. There were more than a few reports that the show looked and felt like community theatre, not to mention Broadway in Chicago had an extremely difficult time selling seats (a Wikipedia revision that was clearly added to promote the show suggests that the show was a hit because they sold 29,000 tickets during the 5-week run, until you do the math and find out that that’s only about 750 seats per show, which is about 32% capacity, an abysmally low figure). The reviews were completely noncommittal, the show lost all of its money, and thus the story of First Wives Club ends, not with a bang, but with a whimper. Though they almost kinda sorta improved the show in the end, we still have that mind-bogglingly wonderful clip of the original San Diego run to give us a hernia from laughing so hard. And isn’t that what bad theatre’s all about?

 

Thanks for reading! Sorry this is so long, I just got sucked into the drama (also, I have really bad insomnia and got bored of re-watching 30 Rock for the millionth time). Hope you had fun following in the catastrophe.

[blaxx]

Sam Harris blaming BWW posts for bad publicity in his youtube blog must be included too. And as if he didn't get botox.

[ABB2357]

Thank you so much for doing this, BakerWilliams! FWC is one of the highlights of my theatergoing life. I saw it twice in San Diego - when I wrote my initial review, I was gobsmacked by its incompetence and loathed every minute. The second time, I loved the hell out of it. The show itself was just as awful, but it took on a mesmerizing "holy s***" quality that only the greatest flops share.

I also saw the Chicago production and agree - it was bland and forgettable. All the WTF moments had been excised (the book and score were almost entirely different), and the ladies seemed to know they were on a rapidly sinking ship.

Re: Sam Harris's YouTube vlog, does anyone remember when he posted lengthy clips from the sitzprobe? Unfortunately they were taken down once bad word of mouth spread (he later reposted edited versions), but if anyone saved the original videos I'd love to see them.

Anyway, if you can't already tell, I adore this hot mess of a show. It's outrageous, contagious, and makes me red-day for change!



 

[ABB2357]

"Red-day for change!"



The cheating husbands in a misguided number at the top of Act 2



Matching outfits for the Act 2 finale!



Sam Harris ready to polish his Tony



"We may be diff'rent as night and day, but we're sisters in every way!" "And how about a shout for the sisterhood?" "SISTERS!"



Yep, EVERYBODY got matching outfits for the finale. "Welcome to the club!"

[Babe_Williams]

I could read write ups like this all day. Thank you, OP.

[Mr. Nowack]

Love this idea OP, can't wait to see more!!

I first came to know of the show through that remembrance thread, which had me absolutely dying. I was not around on the board for the original run but I do remember the tepid reactions to the Chicago run. It will forever go down as a legendary F L O P!

[VintageSnarker]

The movie is far from as terrible as that description implies. "some of the worst cinematography of any movie ever made" is quite an exaggeration.

[newintown]

The original post is a fun read.

Personally, I think the movie is rather deadly idiotic pasteurized dreck, flavorless fodder for the booboisie, but I could see some good writers making a fun show from it. If they jettisoned the entire screenplay and just kept the basic idea. Maybe.

[SporkGoddess]

Speaking as a huge fan of the movie, I also disagree with the OP's description of it. I think that it's definitely memorable, since I often see quotes or memes from it on the internet.  I think that a lot of people can relate to it, especially women.

The musical adaptation, of course, is another story.

[DottieD'Luscia]

I just found the original thread and read through it.  I also came across Sam Harris's YouTube video promoting the show and saying how excited he was it was coming to Broadway. Oh my!!

[ABB2357]

A few numbers from the San Diego production were on YouTube, but the producers had them removed just before the Chicago run. Maybe it's time for a re-up? I believe the Act 1 finale (with Barbara Walsh's deadly solo) and Sam's Tony-grubbing turn were the highlights.

[ChgoTheatreGuy]

I saw "First Wives Club", opening night at the Oriental Theatre in Chicago.  The show had a very strange rhythm to it, some jokes worked, some lines were straight from the film, but the biggest disappointment was they weren't able to get the music rights to "You Don't Own Me".  The show ended pretty much the same way that "Priscilla" did with the whole cast on stage to sing.  The saddest part was the constant emails from Broadway in Chicago, alerting me to discount every three days for the show.  To me it was definitely one of the worst musicals I have seen in my life.

[ABB2357]

Also worth noting - the San Diego production had a 100% original score yet much of the marketing focused on Holland Dozier Holland. I'm sure people were surprised/disappointed not to hear their most well-known songs, so "Stop! In the Name of Love" and others were added in Chicago.

If anything, the score proves that while HWH might be incredible pop composers, they had ZERO clue how to write a musical. None of the songs revealed character or moved the plot forward (except in the most superficial ways).

[David10086]

After being linked to this thread from my own thread ("WHT FIRST WIVES CLUB ? ) I'm happily resurrecting this original thread on Broadway Caastrophies! It's been two years, let's allow it to live again! 

[pc1145N]

I have a distinct memory of watching Faith Prince on stage. She clearly looked miserable. I couldn't blame her but I certainly felt sorry for her. She couldn't even hide it.

[VivianDarkbloom2]

This was really fun, OP! Thanks! What other topics  might you consider for this series? If you are open to suggestions i’d love to read about Red Shoes, Side Show, Dance of the Vampires, the revival of On a Clear Day, or maybe the Pirate Queen. Then there’s my own personal hell, the Broadway version of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory (which was like getting smacked in the face with tire iron for two hours)

[HasBeen1947]

Saw the show in San Diego and there were so many cringe-worthy moments, but the most absurd had to be Victoria Matlock as Cynthia Swan literally swan-diving off the upstage mini New York City skyline set piece while singing and holding a martini glass as an irising portal closed around her.  The moments before her jump were recreated in a second act flashback, but luckily she didn't jump that time.  Maybe that would have made it better, actually.

And the rapped art auction scene was just ludicrous.

The only highlight of the show was Sara Chase's turn as the three "other women", including that second act number with all three husbands.  She would cross behind the upstage bed's headboard and appear on the other side as a different "other woman" each time.  She was the true diamond in the rough.

[TheSassySam]

I remember they were selling orchestra seats for $12 later in the run advertised as, "We changed some things! Come see us again!" 

 

I remember being offended by the gay character (who looked like Dee Snider). Even though his song, "Payback's a Bitch" was the best song in the entire show. 

I also wondered how they never got the rights to "You Don't Own Me." 

[GiantsInTheSky2]

Tracked down the vlogs. “I made the mistake of going onto BroadwayWorld message boards...THE VITRIOL! THE VICIOUSNESS!”

https://youtu.be/9HE4bZLNcrA

[massofmen]

i used to watch the press videos of this show to make myself feel better when i was having a bad day. 
This musical was one of the worst things i had seen and it was glorious at how bad it was. 
READY FOR CHAAANGE!!!! was horrible. 

The 3 leading ladies were horrible. I remember when they all come up with the phrase "FIRST WIVES!" and the acting was so atrocious i thought i was watching a guffman parody. 

The whole thing was magically awful. I miss it. 

[ChgoTheatreGuy]

If there was ever a movie that would have been a HUGE it on Broadway, it should have been this film.  Seeing the Chicago preview (on opening night from a Broadway in Chicago through a promotion), feeling very excited and winding up being incredibly disappointed.  Faith Prince is an excellent actress, but unfortunately cannot follow Bette Midler's shadow.  Carmen Cusack was the best of the three lead actresses, but the writing and music was subpar.  The ending was horribly borrowed from "Priscilla" and was very anti-climactic.  Once the show opened, they couldn't even give tickets away and the reviews were not very complimentary.  I'm glad that I saw it, but couldn't recommend it to anyone!

[gleek4114]

pc1145N said: "I have a distinct memory of watching Faith Prince on stage. She clearly looked miserable. I couldn't blame her but I certainly felt sorry for her. She couldn't even hide it."

Faith was far from miserable. She’s mentioned the show in an interview within the last couple years and said she really enjoyed doing it and wished more people could’ve seen it. She also said she wished the producers could get their sh!t together and move it. Not debating the shows overall reception, but worth noting Faith had a good time. 

[LizzieCurry]

Baker, this is amazing! I never saw any incarnation of this show, but I look forward to you tackling Lestat, which I DID see...