RECAP: DANCING's Prom Night is a Hit

Picture, if you will, the most cringe-worthy walk down memory lane imaginable. I'm talking tacky dresses, bad hair and middle-aged men and women gyrating on the dance floor all in the name of reliving their glory days. By all counts, DANCING WITH THE STARS' prom night should have been just that train wreck. But ABC had the last laugh this April Fool's, because it was actually kind of awesome.

Okay, I definitely could have done without Brooke Burke-Charvet's obvious cry for attention with the done-to-death '80s throwback thing. Yeah, we know you used to wear your hair like that - you and every other forty-year-old woman. But between the excessive use of exposed male musculature as a vote-winning ploy (I'm looking at you, Jacoby and Gleb and Sean) and D.L. Hughley's off-color commentary (if you thought the HUNGER GAMES comparison was good, you'll be pleased to hear that he compared being in the bottom to death row and likened the fans to the supreme court - melodramatic but puzzlingly astute), week 3's performance night totally put my prom to shame.

The festivities included decorations fit for a high school gymnasium, an opening group dance that looked an awful lot like a collection of drunk wedding guests getting down at the reception and dorky snapshots of the stars at their proms. If that weren't excitement enough, they set the fans to tweet-voting for a prom king and queen who will receive two bonus points each added to their score.

When it finally got down to routines, the ladies set fire to the dance floor again this week, with Kellie Pickler coming out on top after what Carrie Ann Inaba deemed the fastest jive she had ever seen. Not impressed? Well, crotchety old Len Goodman saw fit to name her Queen of the Prom he liked it so much. Unfortunately, the ever-tricky Viennese Waltz knocked 16-year-old sweetie Zendaya down a peg after two weeks at the front of the pack. But, really, who cares? She's the queen in my heart for dedicating the routine to her sick grandmother.

As for the king? The voters would be hard-pressed to deny Jacoby Jones the crown after the sexy shirtless rumba that spring-boarded him into second place. That said, Andy Dick gets the sentimental pick for what is shaping up to be a beautiful Cinderella story.

For those of you who didn't catch the episode, allow me to set the stage: This week, Andy prepares to tackle the Cha-Cha, knowing in his heart that he can't do it. The pressure gets to be too much and he cracks, shouting at Sharna. Cut to him sitting on the floor, hugging his knees to his chest and crying. "It's goofy," he says in genuine disheartenment.

How could you not root for the guy? He can't dance worth a damn, but I would give him the mirror ball trophy tomorrow if I could.

Overall, the stars seemed to be in much better spirits this week, perhaps thanks to Josh Groban's song of encouragement last elimination. Regardless, they put in a much stronger showing this week. Check out the full breakdown below:

Aly Raisman & Mark Ballas - 23/30

Viennese Waltz / "Give Me Love" by Ed Sheeran

The Judges Say...

"We were all swept away in a whirlwind of romance. You're such a good little actress." - Bruno

Andy Dick & Sharna Burgess - 18/30

Cha-Cha / "Do You Think I'm Sexy?" by Rod Stewart

The Judges Say...

"The only way to win is to try, and you try with your full heart and soul. It gives you this x-factor I've never seen before." - Carrie Ann

BONUS: "You're like a sneeze. You know it's coming, but there's nothing you can do about it." - Len

Ingo Rademacher & Kym Johnson - 21/30

Paso Doble / "Another One Bites the Dust" by Queen

The Judges Say...

"There's more to cheer than jeer." - Len

BONUS: "I had no idea you were so mean! That's no way to treat a lady. You're supposed to be a matador, not an axe murderer!"- Bruno

Lisa Vanderpump & Gleb Savchenko - 21/30

Viennese Waltz / "I Have Nothing" by Whitney Houston

The Judges Say...

"It was like watching Empress Josephine floating around the halls of Versailles." - Bruno

Kellie Pickler & Derek Hough - 25/30

Jive / "Footloose" by Kenny Loggins

The Judges Say...

"You're sharper than a samurai sword!" - Bruno

Victor Ortiz & Lindsay Arnold - 23/30

Contemporary / "Slow Dancing in a Burning Room" by John Mayer

The Judges Say...

"Victor, you're a dancer! That was breathtaking." - Carrie Ann

D.L. Hughley & Cheryl Burke - 16/30

Salsa / "Sex Machine" by JAmes Brown

The Judges Say...

"D.L., you are making baby steps. That's what this show is about." - Carrie Ann

Jacoby Jones & Karina Smirnoff - 24/30

Rumba / "Stay" by Rihanna

The Judges Say...

"You have incredible artistry. You have a way of connecting to the music." - Carrie Ann

Wynonna Judd & Tony Dovolani - 15/30

Samba / "Pour Some Sugar On Me" by Def Leppard

The Judges Say...

"You're like Mt. Rushmore. You look magnificent, but you didn't move." - Len

Sean Lowe & Peta Murgatroyd - 21/30

Cha-Cha / "YMCA" by The Village People

The Judges Say...

"The cat's out of the bag. You can definitely entertain." - Bruno

BONUS: "There was one thing that was missing in that routine: Bruno." - Carrie Ann

Zendaya Coleman & Valentin Chmerkovskiy - 24/30

Viennese Waltz / "Que Sera, Sera"

The Judges Say...

"That was as enchanting and charming as Venice in the moonlight." - Bruno

Injury Report: All stars at full capacity

Who will be crowned prom king and queen? Will the fans really vote to keep Wynnona Judd around after yet another sad excuse for dancing? Will Jacoby take his shirt off again (fingers crossed)? Check back tomorrow to find out.