Quotables from THE TONIGHT SHOW STARRING JIMMY FALLON, June 16 – June 19

Quotables from THE TONIGHT SHOW STARRING JIMMY FALLON, June 16 – June 19

Jimmy Fallon Quotables 6.16.14

We're still getting used to the humidity here in Florida. I don't wanna say it's playing tricks on my hair, but when I got to work people were like, "Hey, what's up, Questlove?"

But there are some great deals for shoppers here at Universal. Today at NBA City, I was able to get a Miami Heat "World Champs" shirt for, like, two bucks. It's a great deal. (They're giving them away.)

That's the big story. Last night, the San Antonio Spurs beat the Miami Heat to win the NBA Championship. You could tell the Heat players didn't have their heads in the game - especially when five of them left to catch the season finale of "Game of Thrones."

LeBron James had 31 points, 10 rebounds and five assists in the Heat's loss to the Spurs. While his teammates had...uh...lot of fun out there? They had a good time out there.

And did you see this? A soccer stadium in Germany has invited World Cup fans to bring their sofas onto the field so that they can be comfortable while watching the games up on the big screen. While the stadiums in Brazil invited fans to bring their sofas, cuz there still aren't any chairs. They're still building those stadiums.

Here's some political news. President Obama just had his annual physical, which showed that he's suffering some pain in his right foot. When asked why he doesn't get it treated, Obama said, (OBAMA, BITTER) "It's not covered by Obamacare."

I saw that Alex Trebek has broken a world record for game show hosts, after hosting 6,829 shows in his career. Yeah, he hosted 6,829 shows - or as Ryan Seacrest calls that, "the weekend."

When asked how he's made it through so many shows, Trebek was like, "What is scotch." Scotch whiskey.

I don't know what to make of this. But I just heard that Japan is actually opening a new nursing home for older dogs. They can relax, get groomed, and play the world's most confusing game of Bingo. "Bingo!" "Yes?" (That's my name-o.)

Yeah, kids can tell when adults are lying to them. You know, like when parents tell them that their dog just went (AIR QUOTES) "to a nursing home in Japan."

Jimmy Fallon Quotables 6.17.14

We're having such a good time. I walked around today and saw all my favorite theme park characters: Optimus Prime, Scooby Doo, Spider-Man, the sweaty dad in jorts, the kid having a Meltdown because he dropped his ice cream, the sullen teen, all your favorites. (SARA VOICE) "I wanna go back to the pool! What is this place?!"

The resort is actually broken into three parts. Islands of Adventure, Universal Studios, and City Walk. Basically it's roller coasters, movies, and Mommy & Daddy need a drink when it's over. You go ride the roller coaster -- daddy needs a mai tai.

Oh, this is so exciting. I have to say congrats to the U.S. soccer team, for beating Ghana in the opening round of the World Cup! Yeah, they did the impossible. Getting Americans to watch soccer.

Let's see what else is going on. In a new interview, Hillary Clinton said that The Bible is the most influential book she's ever read. Some people think she might be pandering to Southern Christian voters. Then Hillary said, (SOUTHERN) "Oh come on y'all - little old me??" ("My word.")

Last night was another episode of the Bachelorette, America's favorite show. And this time, Andi and the guys went on a group date to a mime school in France. Marking the first time a group of MIMES were like, "Damn, these people are annoying."

I think this actually sounds like a good idea. Google just introduced a new smartphone alarm that can wake users up on the subway so that they don't miss their stop. As opposed to the alarm they use now: Getting elbowed by the stranger they're drooling on.

I read about a woman in Massachusetts who recently had twin boys who were actually born 24 days apart. Which got weird when the second baby was born and his brother was like, (ANNOYED) "Ugh. YOU again."

Then the second twin said, "Man - guess I should download that app that wakes me up when it's my stop!" (DIVE THROUGH)

Jimmy Fallon Quotables 6.18.14

It's Day 3 for us here at the Universal Orlando Resort! I'm starting to really feel comfortable here. In fact today, park security only had to help me find my parents ONCE. (OVER INTERCOM) "James and Gloria Fallon, could you please retrieve your lost child from the booth next to The Hulk Roller Coaster. He's the one who's crying...and drunk."