Below, check out highlights from last week's SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE'S WEEKEND UPDATE with Seth Meyers and Cecily Strong!
"WEEKEND UPDATE" ANCHOR
Seth Meyers - "After Democrats this week changed the rules in the Senate limiting filibusters, Minority Leader Mitch McConnell warned the Democrats that they will "regret" changing the rules quote "sooner than you think." And then he laughed maniacally and flew away on a ladder hanging from a helicopter."
MEYERS - "
President Obama this week honored 16 people with the Medal of Freedom, including
Bill Clinton,
Oprah Winfrey as well as his other 14 remaining supporters."
STRONG - "Toronto Mayor
Rob Ford said in an interview this week that he would have admitted to smoking crack sooner if anyone had asked him the question "have you smoked crack?" rather than "do you smoke crack?" And much sooner if anyone had simply asked, 'Would you like some crack?'"
STRONG - "During a Toronto City Council meeting in which members stripped
Rob Ford of most of his powers, the controversial Mayor charged the gallery and ran over a female council member - before he was finally brought down by the third dart."
STRONG - "Insiders are saying that
Jack Nicholson and
Tom Cruise may soon be reunited in a new movie. Nicholson plays a former president and Cruise plays a secret service agent who is made to appear taller through camera tricks."
MEYERS - "It was reported that police were called three times to respond to complaints about a recent party
Justin Bieber threw. And each time the complaint was the same: No one came to my party."
MEYERS - "More than 800 people submitted ideas for a
Contest to develop a new type of condom to increase their use, including one with pull tabs so they can be put on more easily. Though is anyone really saying, 'this is too difficult. I'll just raise a child?'"
STRONG - "The Denver Post this week announced that they are looking for a marijuana editor for their website. They HAVE one, they're just looking for him."
STRONG - "A new store has opened in the Chelsea section of New York City called "The Splash Sexy Boutique" that will sell coffee, alcohol, and sex toys. "Terrific!" said a tired, alcoholic pervert."
STRONG - "People Magazine has named
Adam Levine as this year's "Sexiest Man Alive." Better luck next year, Maroons 2 through 5."
STRONG - "A Costco in California was criticized for filing Bibles under fiction in their book section. But no matter where it was filed, you can't beat 12 bibles for $10.99."
MEYERS - "A Florida doctor may lose his license after it was revealed that he used "punishment therapy," including using blindfolds, whips, and handcuffs to treat depression in one of his female patients. Said the doctor, 'Joke's on you. I never had a license.'"
MEYERS - "
Paramount Pictures, which owns the rights to "It's a Wonderful Life", said this week that despite rumors that they will not produce a sequel to the holiday classic. Which is kind of a shame because I was looking forward to seeing '2 Wonderful 2 Life.'"
MEYERS - "
Rodney Dangerfield's widow revealed this week that she keeps a bottle of her late husband's sweat in her refrigerator. Said a recent houseguest (terrified) 'What did the bottle look like?'"
STRONG - "More than 850 schoolchildren in Thailand set a new world record by creating the largest human Christmas tree ever. Elsewhere in Thailand, the world's largest human menorah is still looking for a fourth."
STRONG - "A lawmaker in Pennsylvania has introduced legislation that would help slow the exploding coyote population by paying hunters 25 dollars for every one they kill. Said the lawmaker who introduced the bill, 'Meep meep.'"
