Below, check out quotables from 'THE TONIGHT SHOW STARRING JIMMY FALLON from January 10 - January 13.
Jimmy Fallon Quotables 1.10.17
President Obama gave his farewell address tonight in Chicago, and thousands of people waited outside in freezing temperatures to get tickets. And now those people have a week to get over their pneumonia before they lose their health insurance.
Listen to this. Rumors are circulating that Hillary Clinton could run for Mayor of New York City later this year. While Bill could run to be the next Naked Cowboy in Times Square. (BILL CLINTON) "Giddyup!"
And did you see this? Hillary and Bill Clinton announced that they are going to attend Donald Trump's inauguration next Friday. Trump was really excited when he heard, because they're the first celebrities that have said they'll actually go.
Yeah, Hillary is going to Trump's inauguration. Even more awkward - she's sitting right next to Putin. (PUTIN, LEAN OVER) "Would you like Altoid?"
And finally, this is exciting, Keurig, the company that makes coffee from a pod, is teaming up with Anheuser-Busch to create a new product that makes cocktails. Keurig says it makes the perfect addition to any home or teacher's lounge. (DRUNK) "Okay kids, it's time to learn the history of why Tina left me."
Jimmy Fallon Quotables 1.11.17
We have First Lady Michelle Obama on the show tonight! And this is actually her final talk show appearance as First Lady. Everyone's very emotional - in fact after patting me down, the Secret Service gave me a rose. (GRUFF, EMOTIONAL) "Thanks for the memories!"
But everybody's talking about President Obama's big farewell speech in Chicago last night. In fact at one point, the crowd started chanting "Four more years! Four more years!" While Obama chanted (OBAMA CHANTING) "Not even funny! Not even funny!" (My hair turned grayer just HEARING that!)
Listen to this. I read that Donald and Melania Trump are scheduled to ride with the Obamas to the Capitol on Inauguration Day. And you thought YOUR UberPool was uncomfortable. (OBAMA) "Uhh, just let me out here! Should probably get a little exercise, right Michelle?"
And it came out that Obama offered to leave behind the swing set he had installed for his kids so that Trump's grandkids could use it, but Trump turned him down. Trump said he'll be building a bigger, better swing set, and he'll make the kids pay for it. (Well, we'll pay for it, then they'll pay us back.)
But the big story right now is a new report claiming that Russia has enough embarrassing material on Donald Trump to blackmail him. On the other hand, so does anyone who follows Trump on Twitter.
I saw that a "20/20" special on Trump's inauguration has forced
ABC to push back its premieres of "Scandal" and "How to Get Away With Murder." You know, to make room for the special about Trump called, "Scandal and How To Get Away With Murder."
And finally I saw that today is Alexander Hamilton's birthday. Yep, Hamilton was born on this day in 1757, but it was only last year that his rap career finally took off. (So, stick with your dreams, kids.)
Jimmy Fallon Quotables 1.12.17
Of course it's all these accusations coming out about Trump's ties with Russia. In fact, a 2013 interview just resurfaced where Trump says he has a relationship with Vladimir Putin. While Putin's like, (PUTIN) "Ugh - you poke someone back on Facebook, and next thing you know, you're in "relationship!"
And yesterday Trump held his first big press conference since the election, and he got into a shouting match with a
CNN reporter who claims that Trump tried to have him thrown out. Then the other reporters were like, "Oh, c'mon! Why does HE get to leave?!"
And now Penthouse is offering a million dollars to anyone who has compromising videos of Donald Trump. When he heard about the offer, Trump provided the videos himself. (TRUMP) "I know a good deal when I see one! Melania, where's the tripod?!"
And here's a little celebrity news. I heard that Ben Affleck was patted down by TSA security at Los Angeles International Airport this week. Though when it was over, the woman whispered, "I'm not in the TSA."
And read that Hostess is recalling its White Peppermint Twinkies over salmonella concerns. But I guess they canceled the recall when the salmonella was killed by the stuff that was already in the Twinkies.
And a little sports here. It was just announced that Tim Tebow won't be invited to the Mets Major League spring training camp. In response, Tebow said, "Okay, hockey it is!"
And finally, a woman in Venezuela was arrested after she tried to break her boyfriend out of jail by stuffing him in a bright pink suitcase and rolling him out. She almost got away with it, but when the guards asked her, "What's in the suitcase?" The suitcase said, (QUICK) "Nothing!"
Jimmy Fallon Quotables 1.13.17
Guys we have Claire Danes on the show tonight! She's the star of "Homeland," which is a show about a foreign spy who infiltrates the highest levels of U.S. government. Or as it's called this week, "the news."
We're now just a week away from Donald Trump's Inauguration. And I read that his team expects up to three million people to attend, while security officials estimate it'll be fewer than one million. Then Trump said, (TRUMP) "Okay, we'll split the difference and call it ten million."
Let's get to some sports here. This week, the Los Angeles Rams hired 30-year-old Sean McVay to be their head coach, making him the youngest coach in modern NFL history. You can tell he's young, cuz instead of throwing the challenge flag, he just texts the ref a frowny emoji.
Some news for travelers. JetBlue just became the first airline to offer free Wi-Fi to passengers on every flight. So now it won't cost you anything to go on a Twitter rant about your flight on JetBlue during your flight on JetBlue.
And this is just a crazy story. Apparently, there's a woman in Louisiana who recently thought she was having twins, but it turned out to be one 14-pound baby. Then the baby was like, (PATTING STOMACH) "Actually, there WAS a twin in there."
And get this, a team of chemists in the U.K. say they've created the world's tightest knot by manipulating individual molecules. They said the only way to make a knot any tighter is to put your earbuds in your pocket for two seconds.
And finally, I read about a four-year-old girl in Georgia who has read over 1,000 books and reads at a college level. Meanwhile, I still stop and think every time I have to spell the word "Wednesday."
