BWW Recap: Is Wilkin Brattle's Cover Blown on Tonight's THE BASTARD EXECUTIONER?

Jessamy Maddox talks in her sleep. This is shocking to probably no one, but as she tosses and turns murmuring her husband's name, who exactly is she seeing in her dreams? Gawain, or Wilk? If I were Wilk, I'd feel super awkward. Thank goodness there's a crying baby to distract him from her nighttime rumblings. And watching him rock the Maddox baby tugs at our heartstrings, however gently, because this should have been Wilk all along. A father. He was this close before Reeve Tell snatched that life away by murdering his wife. Sad. He still sees visions of Petra, which is sweet and everything, until the illusion falls and it's actually Jessamy he's making out with. Oops.

Meanwhile, Baron Pryce and his team of nobles have arrived at Ventris Castle to meet with Lady Love. Wilk doesn't care about this so much, since he and Toran were just heading out for the day anyway. Then Jessamy casually reminds him of that time he did a job for Pryce--oh, sorry, that time Gawain did a job for Pryce--one that he was never fairly paid for. Now Wilk is super interested in the Baron, and super duper interested in making himself scarce, lest someone from Pryce's company should recognize him. Or rather, not recognize him as Gawain Maddox. Because that would be very bad. Milus tells Wilk, however, in that slippery way of his, that he simply can't leave because they've arranged for a tournament! Hooray! Good, fun times!

If tonight's episode solidified anything, speaking of, it's that Milus always has something up his sleeve. He lies right to Pryce's face when the Baron asks about Lady Love. Oh, darn! You just missed her! You're a big liar, Milus Corbett. Lady Love left a week ago, and you know it! Pryce is like, well great, now we have to stay the night. What a waste of a trip. But Milus sees this as a perfect opportunity to work the Baron over, in a scene that I happened to find laugh out loud hilarious, but that's definitely just me. He casually mentions how Ventrishire should build this port. It'd be great for business. But, oh shucks, it's terribly expensive. If only...there were someone...who'd help...Pryce isn't too quick on the uptake, so Milus finally has to lay it all on the table, saying Pryce could take the shire. The offer is so random and out of nowhere that even the Baron is like, "Woah, lemme sit down for this." But wait! It gets better! How exactly is Pryce supposed to acquire the shire? Why, marry Lady Love, of course! But Milus, you silly silly goose, Baron Pryce is already married! No worries. Milus has thought of everything. Pryce's wife has the consumption and, well, frankly, it's only a matter of time before she croaks, let's face it. Honestly, this entire exchange between Milus and Pryce is probably my favorite moment of the season so far. It's just so ridiculous. Even Milus, for all his snark, seems to know it's a bit ridiculous. "I'm a bit of a dreamer," he admits. YEAH, NO KIDDING. Oh, oh, and one last thing, Baron Pryce. You'd have to make Milus your chamberlain. But that'd be no big, right? Oh, Milus Corbett, you are way too much.

So Milus basically faked that whole meeting with Pryce, but where is Lady Love exactly? Off to Windsor Castle to receive some counsel from King Edward II. Should go smoothly. There's trouble before she even arrives, however, with poor Tobias, a heavily tattooed member of some mysterious group called "the Seraphim," being tortured by the Archdeacon and Ed Sheeran. Yes. You read that right. It almost sounds like the setup to a terrible and incredibly offensive joke. So the Archdeacon of Windsor and Ed Sheeran walk into a torture chamber...and try to decipher some heavily encrypted tattoos. Okay, yeah, it's not a good joke at all. It certainly piqued my curiosity though, especially because Annora is tied to this group somehow, which is the most we've learned about her so far. When Lady Love arrives at Windsor, the Archdeacon and Ed Sheeran (whose name is actually Sir Cormac, apparently, but whatever) are in the process of doing some pretty nasty things to Tobias, and the Baroness has no idea. She's too busy being thoroughly creeped out by King Edward's advisor, Sir Gaveston, and his otherworldly French accent. She is forced to wait a very long time before seeing the king, and when she finally does, it's a colossal disappointment. Turns out King Edward II is just a...well...a dude bro, for lack of a better term. More interested in hunting and chilling with the boys that doing anything mildly important. Lady Love wishes for counsel, and he more or less tells her, ehhhh, Sir Gaveston will figure it out. What Sir Gaveston figures out, is that Ventrishire should be divided, with parts going to a neighboring shire, and the rest going to him. Done and done! But oh! Did Lady Love forget to mention that she's pregnant with an heir? Surprise! Yes, yes, talk about timing! The Baron managed to get her pregnant just before meeting his untimely demise! No need for any land division! Okay, thanks, bye! AU REVOIR!--the fanciest mic drop I've ever seen. Smooth, Lady Love. Very smooth.

Back at Ventrishire, the tournament is in full swing, and everyone's having a merry time, with Toran and Wilk impressing everyone with their fighting prowess. Things get tense, however, when Wilk gets into it with the Reeve, losing control, naturally, and almost killing the guy. Worse than that, Baron Pryce's Chamberlain announces that Wilk is not Gawain Maddox. Milus then tells Wilk that he has to kill Chamberlain Dyer-obviously-and as extra leverage, in come Wilk's boys, Berber the Moor, Ash, and the gang, who have been suspected of that crazy mutilation found in the woods and have now been taken under custody. So of course, it's only a matter of moments before Dyer's dead, despite Wilk's initial angst over the whole killing thing.

Oh, and one last thing before we go: the Archdeacon admiring his walls of mounted skins. SKINS. That's it. I don't even have anything to say about it, it just needed to be mentioned, because oh my gosh.