BWW Recap: A Not So Welcomed Paradise on THE VAMPIRE DIARIES

As THE VAMPIRE DIARIES continues to straddle two dimensions and two time periods, I've done a lot of thinking on which of these planes I would rather exist on. Fortunately, I didn't have to waste too much time because the answer is obviously 1994 Heaven/Hell. Awesome music, sweet clothing, no lines, no worrying about obnoxious people trying to murder you every five minutes. Damon and Bonnie have it good.

Unfortunately, the two learned in this week's episode, "Welcome to Paradise," that they weren't alone and in the real world of the living things weren't that much better. I guess we should just create our own time and dimension to call paradise. I'm thinking 1960s San Francisco.

After last week's Enzo and Stefan tussle, which resulted in the death of Stefan's human girlfriend, Stefan decided his one and only goal in life was to now rid the world of Enzo. Not only had he killed the one human girl he liked, but he had messed up Stefan's new and quaint life of cooking and working at an auto body shop.

Back at Hogwarts Whitmore, Elena's mushed brain decided that it was time for some fun. Caroline side-eyed Elena as hard she could as she admitted her idea of fun was to crash a high school party at a local swimming hole with Jell-O shots and Elena returned the look of disdain when Caroline mentioned her breakfast date with Enzo. Caroline reluctantly agreed to attend, as well as Matt and Tyler, who would procure the kegs from Liv's place of work (because bars are always happy to lend their extra kegs to underage college/high school kids).

In Mystic Falls, Jeremy was showing his new girlfriend (the same one Elena had attacked) the Salvatore mansion. He was pretty pissed that the only liquor in the entire place was bourbon and the two exchanged "my parents/friends are dead" stories. Elsewhere, Matt was hanging around Tripp and his goons, but noticed them cleaning out what was obviously blood from the back of his truck. Poor Matt fell for the "red mulch" excuse and continued on his jolly way.

In 1994, Damon and Bonnie mad their daily trip to the grocery store as they shopped for Bugles and Dunkaroos and jammed out to Ace of Base. Things weren't as they seemed, though, as they realized someone had been hoarding the pork rinds. They definitely were not alone.

Stefan's journey to kill Enzo started off with a drop by at the college where Elena informed him she was still wearing the shirt from her hospital internship that was most likely still covered in bodily fluids and invited him to the swimming hole. Stefan agreed and the gang, plus Elena's new human friend Liam, headed to the party, which was conveniently located right on the outskirts of Mystic Falls.

Elena kicked off the party by rope-swinging and flipping into the lake, judging her brother, and unsuccessfully trying to get her friends to do Jell-O shots with her. Caroline was too upset over Stefan and the fact that Enzo had yet to show with the ice (she compelled a high school girl to run the errand instead). Tyler was preoccupied with keeping his douche levels down, and Matt was the designated driver for his awful friend Jay.

Stefan finally popped up only to have a run-in with Enzo, which resulted in Enzo saving Stefan's life as Jay tried to stake the vampires (RIP Jay, JK). Stefan wasn't amused and still tried to murder Enzo. Luckily, Caroline was only feet away to save the day.

Damon and Bonnie's grocery shopping had turned into a spat as Damon tried to convince her they really were alone and were just making things up to restore hope. Bonnie suggested Damon remove his ring and kill himself, which made total sense since he was already twice dead. Damon stormed back into the store only to run into their stalker, Kai. Because his name began with a 'K,' and following THE VAMPIRE DIARIES pattern, Kai was a total jerk. He had laced all the bottles of liquor with vervain and tried to kill Damon. Bonnie came to the rescue in time and was able to conjure up her magical mojo to stop Kai. Damon and Bonnie took him back to the mansion, tied him up, and demanded answers. It turned out Kai had provoked the two on purpose in hopes to get the ball rolling on getting out of their GROUNDHOG DAY nightmare.

The swimming hole party turned out to be a total bust when the girl Caroline had compelled returned sans ice. Jeremy quickly interrogated the girl who admitted that on her way into Mystic Falls she realized Caroline was mean as heck and no one deserved ice. Jeremy looked on stunned as he informed the group that re-entering Mystic Falls immediately canceled out any vampire (magic) compulsion. Uh oh.

The night ended with Elena getting kissed by Liam (even though she was trying to set him up with Caroline), Caroline moving back into college and admitting she had feelings for Stefan, and Liv pushing Tyler to be the ultimate jerk so that she could resist giving him lots of shirtless hugs.

Enzo's night turned out to be the worst as a stop at the local diner ended him in the deadly hands of Tripp and Stefan.

Things we need to discuss:

• Kai clearly wasn't well versed in vampires and/or witches, so what is he and how did he get into 1994 Heaven/Hell?
• Liv Tyler.
• Can we agree to no more Alaric-less episodes?
• Isn't Whitmore supposed to be three hours away from Mystic Falls? All of a sudden it's down the street?
• Sarah re-entering Mystic Falls would immediately negate any and all compulsion, but she had been previously compelled by Caroline to forget her attack. Meaning she would have had to be compelled outside the MF border in the first place before shacking up with Jeremy. It's all very confusing, I won't even pretend to work out the logic, and now I'm 100% convinced she's Bonnie's sister.

What does your version of paradise look like? Who is this mystery man Kai and which character will he inevitably be crushing on? Have you ever been to a party at a swimming hole? Leave a comment or tweet me @enr702 or live-tweeting the episodes @erinrlivetweets!

Below, watch a promo for next week's new episode entitled "Black Hole Sun" (how awesome are these episode names!?):

Photo Credit: The CW