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danieltosh on Twitter

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http://www.twitter.com/danieltosh
4/14 @ 10:30 PM
danieltosh - see you next week. please visit my kickstarter to help me raise enough money to have more money. #tosh

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4/14 @ 10:00 PM
danieltosh - i have decided to steal kevin hart’s mantra for tonight only! #tosh now!

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4/14 @ 9:45 PM
danieltosh - put your kids to bed and murder your talkative significant other. new #tosh in 15.

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4/14 @ 9:38 PM
danieltosh - you and only you are allowed to tell me if i take it too far tonight #stolenvalor https://t.co/e8vn1u5YDT

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4/14 @ 9:30 PM
danieltosh - tonight’s new #tosh is a 3 hour special if you watch it 6 times back to back. see you in 30.

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4/14 @ 9:17 PM
danieltosh - the browns couldn’t even be the oregon ducks of the ncaa.

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4/14 @ 6:47 PM
danieltosh - a big thank you to all who participated in helping me solve california’s drought problem. see your tweets on tonight’s #tosh

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4/14 @ 6:47 PM
danieltosh - a big thank you to all the fake soldiers who made the ultimate sacrifice by appearing in “stolen valor” videos. #tosh

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4/14 @ 3:07 PM
danieltosh - just watched “the greatest qb of all time” dirt it 15 feet short of home plate. your rings are a lie. cute shirt tied around your waist.

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4/14 @ 3:03 PM
danieltosh - as part of #tosh fan appreciation night, just send me your w-2’s and i’ll handle your taxes.

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4/11 @ 10:12 AM
danieltosh - who would you take at the start of the third round, jordan spieth or the field?(i took the field) #themasters

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4/8 @ 4:36 PM
danieltosh - help! give us idiots here in cali tips on saving water. i will broadcast to the world only the most innovative next week. #toshdroughttips

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4/3 @ 11:38 AM
danieltosh - !! @tompapa has a show this tue at @LargoLosAngeles w @billburr @tomsegura and many more (i will also be performing) http://t.co/RNjX14TcyJ

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4/1 @ 3:50 PM
danieltosh - wonder what brenda’s baby is up to. she’d be 24ish, making brenda 36. #tupacsnotdead

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3/31 @ 10:31 PM
danieltosh - thanks everybody for watching me. send me your phone numbers. i’ll shoot you that text later.

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3/31 @ 9:59 PM
danieltosh - planning a meet-up for all of my followers tonight, but only if every single one of you retweets this. #tosh starts now.

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3/31 @ 9:31 PM
danieltosh - tonight i teach all you frat bros a chant that will keep you out of trouble and get you mad respect from all that sweet poon on ho row!

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3/31 @ 8:21 PM
danieltosh - my big complaint about an open concept home is the judgment i feel from the help while i’m trying to relax in peace for 7 hours.

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3/31 @ 8:06 PM
danieltosh - women won’t have real equality until they stop wearing high heels. $800 shoes? they’re uncomfortable? and they objectify you? men win again.

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3/31 @ 7:51 PM
danieltosh - tonight’s new #tosh has been cleared by both fatty chicks and jews. #evolving

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3/31 @ 3:12 PM
danieltosh - on tonight’s new #tosh, i’m putting atheists on blast. scientology, you’re up next week. #teamjesus

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3/31 @ 1:20 PM
danieltosh - to be fair to trevor noah, all foreign comics are at least a decade behind us in what they think is funny. #fakeoutrage

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3/29 @ 12:37 PM
danieltosh - i never break eye contact with my babies while they poop. http://t.co/R6ihX5L8Ac

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3/24 @ 10:30 PM
danieltosh - good night. here’s the link to the #toshroast so you can memorize it word for word. http://t.co/c4egJQXm8K

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3/24 @ 10:25 PM
danieltosh - here’s a bunch of your tweets that i didn’t think were funny enough for my tv show. http://t.co/HDupflmEzN

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3/24 @ 9:59 PM
danieltosh - i heard you was talkin' trash. hold me back i'm bout to spaz. #tosh

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3/24 @ 9:47 PM
danieltosh - #toshroast is tonight! thanks to all who wrote horrible things. i know you only tease me because you respect my comedy. see you in 13.

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3/24 @ 9:35 PM
danieltosh - bitch, who do you love?

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3/24 @ 9:16 PM
danieltosh - now i'm four-five minutes from wildin' #tosh

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3/24 @ 9:00 PM
danieltosh - tonight’s #tosh is my citizen kane, my mona lisa, my hit me baby one more time, my nights in rodanthe, my jumbaco, my ronald reagan.

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3/24 @ 5:38 PM
danieltosh - “tonight’s redemption on #tosh made me the biggest wwe wrestling fan” says @joerogan (he didn’t, but he might)

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3/24 @ 5:21 PM
danieltosh - all your #toshroast tweets will be on tonight and my bieber jokes that comedy central tried to ban.

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3/24 @ 5:15 PM
danieltosh - “they” are calling tonight’s #tosh the best episode in the past 3 years!!

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3/24 @ 1:30 PM
danieltosh - by the end of may, there will be ZERO comics hosting late night talk shows. no one will be watching, but at least no one will be offended.

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3/21 @ 3:05 AM
danieltosh - i enjoyed ryan reynolds in 'the voices' very much. that is all.

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3/18 @ 1:10 PM
danieltosh - being mean to me is easy. good luck being mean and funny. best tweets get on next week’s sode. #toshroast

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3/17 @ 10:31 PM
danieltosh - now's your chance to roast me. next week i'll read the best (cruelest) on air. i won't let comedy central censor you. #toshroast

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3/17 @ 9:59 PM
danieltosh - have them turn up the volume at your local pub. it’s #tosh time!

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3/17 @ 9:37 PM
danieltosh - 23 minutes to get your affairs in order. and by that i mean rank all the affairs you’re having. #tosh

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3/17 @ 8:37 PM
danieltosh - for god’s sake @united please address @kylekinane’s complaints or i will pretend to conduct the largest boycott your company has ever seen!!

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