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danieltosh on Twitter

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http://www.twitter.com/danieltosh
9/16 @ 10:31 PM
danieltosh - 100% chose the easy way out, dead in 5 years. quitters.

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9/16 @ 10:30 PM
danieltosh - thanks for watching everyone. please watch brickleberry for the next 15 seasons so i can continue to live the life i am accustomed to.

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9/16 @ 9:59 PM
danieltosh - tonight i will only be answering extremely personal questions. #tosh starts now.

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9/16 @ 9:33 PM
danieltosh - the first 10 seconds and the last 10 seconds of the show are pretty rough tonight, but the middle is the sweet spot. 27 min til new #tosh

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9/16 @ 8:52 PM
danieltosh - just left a $100 bill in the take a penny/leave a penny tray at a motherfuckin' gas station even though the service was subpar.

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9/16 @ 7:29 PM
danieltosh - let’s not forget that most athletes (most, not all) are really fucking dumb. #dumbathletes

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9/16 @ 7:27 PM
danieltosh - after reading AP’s texts to his baby mamas defending his “discipline,” the one thing i know is he didn’t write a word of his apology.

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9/16 @ 7:20 PM
danieltosh - if you want to give me one of your kids, adrian, i will happily raise him. great genes, you’re just a shitty role model.

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9/16 @ 1:27 PM
danieltosh - i’m officially declining the offer to become the oldest cast member of snl so i can focus on comedy. new #tosh & new #brickleberry tonight!!

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9/15 @ 1:04 PM
danieltosh - hey adrian peterson, remember when you were only 9 yards shy of the single season rushing record? that was god who tackled you.

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9/10 @ 5:14 PM
danieltosh - roger goodell doesn’t care about black women.

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9/10 @ 3:35 PM
danieltosh - do you know how much healthier PED’s are for you than chewing tobacco? baseball is stupid.

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9/9 @ 10:32 PM
danieltosh - the cousin fuckers have it, but i think that's only because the south is on the east coast and gets to weigh in early.

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9/9 @ 10:30 PM
danieltosh - i love you all. #gratata

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9/9 @ 9:59 PM
danieltosh - let's get this fufu lame shit started. swag, bitch. #gratata

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9/9 @ 9:46 PM
danieltosh - 15 min out warning. tonight's show is pumpkin spice flavored fyi.

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9/9 @ 8:16 PM
danieltosh - fellas, thanks for all the sexy selfies! look for yours tonight in the return of “bros pose like hoes photos” #gratata

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9/9 @ 4:06 PM
danieltosh - “put the mac to yo head then you goooooone.” -bryan silva, from tonight’s fresh ep. #gratata

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9/9 @ 2:35 PM
danieltosh - “i run the fuckin’ internet.” -bryan silva, from tonight’s swag sode. #gratata

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9/9 @ 1:14 PM
danieltosh - santa’s not real and your heroes are shitheads. RT this if any children follow you.

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9/7 @ 4:18 PM
danieltosh - undefeated!!!!!!! #lebronWHO

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9/2 @ 10:32 PM
danieltosh - men only! for next week’s ep, leak me sexy pics of yourself that you want ONLY ME and my audience to see. here’s mine http://t.co/PEQ7K6k2Vt

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9/2 @ 10:31 PM
danieltosh - thanks for watching. the results are in - 88% of you weirdos on the east coast would rather sleep with 2 dead cats.

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9/2 @ 9:59 PM
danieltosh - it’s time, mom!!! daniel’s on!

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9/2 @ 9:31 PM
danieltosh - sit in front of your tv. in 29 mins i would like you to turn it on #tosh

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9/2 @ 6:12 PM
danieltosh - out of respect, please don't watch tonight's leaked #tosh. i was underage when it was recorded.

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9/2 @ 6:08 PM
danieltosh - if you're wearing white today i hope you burn in hell.

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9/2 @ 1:20 PM
danieltosh - if you love football and you love women, tonight’s episode is right up your alley. if i do say so myself, if i do say so myself.

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8/28 @ 11:39 AM
danieltosh - congrats fellas, we made it! no more faking interest in endless conversations, no more dumb weekend plans. football is back!

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8/27 @ 2:06 PM
danieltosh - charity show in flagstaff, new show in hawaii, reno, and tahoe. all on sale today with password “tosh” http://t.co/oWebZVncjl

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8/26 @ 10:32 PM
danieltosh - we have enough to project the results. only 91% of you would choose to make your mom quiver with delight. #wouldyourather

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8/26 @ 10:30 PM
danieltosh - good night. be sure to tweet me your answers. #wouldyourather

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8/26 @ 10:00 PM
danieltosh - special thanks to @baracksdubs for getting president barack obama to record our warning this season. let the tweeting commence!

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8/26 @ 9:29 PM
danieltosh - i hope tonight’s web redemption will answer all the questions you had about this “wholesome” family. http://t.co/l8wRryMDQS see you in 30!

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8/26 @ 8:59 PM
danieltosh - sick of watching ice bucket challenge videos? a new season of #tosh starts in one hour.

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8/26 @ 6:36 PM
danieltosh - _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ R _ _ is the new wardrobe starting tonight! #tosh

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8/26 @ 4:43 PM
danieltosh - hang in there, gays. only one more generation has to die before no one gives a shit. minorities, you’re going to have to wait a bit longer.

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8/26 @ 4:38 PM
danieltosh - usc football player injured rescuing manti teo’s girlfriend from drowning...more to come.

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8/26 @ 4:02 PM
danieltosh - couldn’t be more pumped about making a brief cameo on the season premiere of #tosh!! see you in 6 hours!

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8/26 @ 1:34 PM
danieltosh - wow, just found out tosh.0 won the emmy for “funniest comedy show that people actually watch.” #blessed #sofuckingblessed #tosh

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