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DANIELTOSH on Twitter

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http://www.twitter.com/DANIELTOSH
3/15 @ 10:32 PM
danieltosh - i wish i could give each of you a wet hug goodnight. #tosh

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3/15 @ 9:59 PM
danieltosh - “if everyone can get 10 people to watch new #tosh and then they get 10 people...” -drew brees thanks drew! new #tosh starts now

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3/15 @ 9:29 PM
danieltosh - only 30 minutes until i make the heartbreaking decision between lauren and jojo on an all new #tosh!! #laurenwalksfunny

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3/15 @ 9:00 PM
danieltosh - you have one hour to round up all the non-christians in your neighborhood and force them to watch new #tosh.

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3/15 @ 8:16 PM
danieltosh - democracy is embarrassing. putin 2016!

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3/15 @ 2:05 PM
danieltosh - can’t wait to stay up all night watching my dumb home state of florida try to count. 89, 90, 91... aw i got distracted! 1, 2...

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3/15 @ 1:57 PM
danieltosh - i will give $1 billion to whoever can pick the winner between kansas and austin peay high school.

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3/15 @ 1:54 PM
danieltosh - my bracket is still perfect. i hope florida gulf coast upsets rubio.

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3/11 @ 8:47 PM
danieltosh - https://t.co/i4zSSOqaRV

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3/10 @ 2:59 PM
danieltosh - i would rather sit in a middle seat on isis airlines than fly spirit from baltimore.

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3/9 @ 3:18 PM
danieltosh - my long-awaited stand-up special comes out on cc april 17th!! the working title is ‘people pleaser’ but i’m still open to new suggestions...

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3/8 @ 10:31 PM
danieltosh - "that was the best episode of television in the history of television" -trump #tosh

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3/8 @ 9:59 PM
danieltosh - #nevertosh begins now!!

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3/8 @ 9:00 PM
danieltosh - i’ll be hosting an all new snl on comedy central in one hour! with musical guest haylie duff. #tosh

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3/8 @ 8:41 PM
danieltosh - you won’t see any pics of me chilling on the beach in cuba until every last castro is pushin' up daisies. #politicaltweet #supertoshtuesday

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3/8 @ 8:13 PM
danieltosh - hollywood would be wise to cast tj miller as comic relief in every movie. #sweettweet

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3/8 @ 8:02 PM
danieltosh - one time a housekeeper walked in on me in my underwear. this whole thing goes away if you give me 50 bucks, crowne plaza!

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3/8 @ 7:34 PM
danieltosh - for every new trainer that tilikum kills until his eventual maddening death, i will build one orphanage in the ocean.

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3/8 @ 7:25 PM
danieltosh - nancy reagan used to send tons of nude selfies to ronnie but she never posted them on social media. #classiertimes

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3/8 @ 7:03 PM
danieltosh - seems sexist that on international women’s day they have to spend it making us pancakes. #ladypancakeday

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3/8 @ 1:08 PM
danieltosh - next season the bachelor should be a chubby chaser. #thebiggestbachelor

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3/6 @ 1:39 AM
danieltosh - so am i the best fighter in the #ufc now?

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1/24 @ 8:38 PM
danieltosh - you're welcome denver.

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1/24 @ 2:08 PM
danieltosh - i am guaranteeing a patriots win today! nothing bad will happen to tom brady!! belichick will coach the perfect game!!! #reversejinx

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1/24 @ 1:59 PM
danieltosh - kobe gets a free pass to set the lakers franchise back a decade but peyton doesn't deserve ONE charity start?

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1/24 @ 1:41 PM
danieltosh - peyton’s achievements are even more impressive when you consider he was born with two faces. https://t.co/c4BMlYSQKq

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1/12 @ 12:38 AM
danieltosh - enjoy your national championship, alabama, but i live in the real world and you didn't cover which makes you losers. #freemoney

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1/10 @ 9:50 PM
danieltosh - anyone heard from @nickswardson?

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1/6 @ 12:18 AM
danieltosh - i really do think 2016 is going to be oprah's year.

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12/31 @ 11:35 AM
danieltosh - say it with me, i promise not to shoot innocent people in 2016. #happynewyear and drink more water.

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12/31 @ 11:07 AM
danieltosh - big day for dolphins fans! finally a meaningful game will be played at sun life stadium.

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12/20 @ 5:43 PM
danieltosh - the dolphins should consider resting their starters so they will be fresh for the super bowl parties.

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12/20 @ 3:44 PM
danieltosh - remember that shitty coach the jets dumped? where did he end up?

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12/20 @ 1:24 PM
danieltosh - not to one-up @kellyslater but i designed the first manmade pond for paddle boarders. did i mention it's in the middle of a driving range?!

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12/20 @ 10:26 AM
danieltosh - how was i expected to watch the democratic debate last night when mariah carey was making her directorial debut on the hallmark channel?

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12/10 @ 8:35 PM
danieltosh - not a lot of black people in these hallmark christmas movies.

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12/1 @ 10:30 PM
danieltosh - happy holidays! #merrychristmas

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12/1 @ 9:59 PM
danieltosh - this is the last night you get the privilege of interacting with me. the season finale of #tosh starts now!

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12/1 @ 9:35 PM
danieltosh - 25 minute warning: whip up a fresh batch of eggnog if you want to participate in tonight’s #tosh season finale drinking game.

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12/1 @ 9:10 PM
danieltosh - i am considering living off of 1% of what i’ve made and also the other 99%

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