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DANIELTOSH on Twitter

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http://www.twitter.com/DANIELTOSH
9/19 @ 6:43 PM
danieltosh - back to back moral victories for the dolphins. not a bad way to start the season!!!!

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9/12 @ 3:15 PM
danieltosh - to protest racial injustice during the anthem, everyone in a redskins jersey should sit indian style tonight. i mean criss cross applesauce!

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9/10 @ 8:02 PM
danieltosh - now i'm mad again! https://t.co/rHqIaxVho0

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9/10 @ 7:54 PM
danieltosh - i think i'm finally done being mad about season two of true detective.

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9/8 @ 12:28 PM
danieltosh - guess who's excited football is back? https://t.co/dnXSDKGLqU

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8/30 @ 11:27 AM
danieltosh - all players should protest carrie underwood's sunday night football theme song.

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8/30 @ 11:27 AM
danieltosh - if the anthem is so important, why does the red zone channel skip it for every game??? the red zone hates america!!!

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8/30 @ 11:26 AM
danieltosh - at the very least colin kaepernick could ride the stationary bike during the anthem just to stay loose before he's cut.

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8/30 @ 11:25 AM
danieltosh - once colin kaepernick fixes america, he should be forced to do a headstand during the whole anthem.

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8/30 @ 11:24 AM
danieltosh - what if colin kaepernick were to squat? he would still be protesting but no one would be truly offended.

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8/30 @ 11:24 AM
danieltosh - if colin kaepernick were to hop on one foot during the anthem, that too would affect real change in our country.

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8/30 @ 11:23 AM
danieltosh - if colin kaepernick really wants to affect change in america he should lie down.

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8/12 @ 11:34 AM
danieltosh - sure it might cost usa a few golds, but would it kill us to pepper in a couple hotties?!! #teamyuliaefimova

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8/9 @ 10:31 PM
danieltosh - see you next month! usa! and russia and china! #frontrunners

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8/9 @ 9:58 PM
danieltosh - olympics spoiler: america is still the greatest. #tosh summer finale starts now!

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8/9 @ 9:00 PM
danieltosh - one hour until the summer finale of #tosh. take this time to reconcile with an estranged family member.

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8/9 @ 6:51 PM
danieltosh - i’m more worried that trump will send those third amendment people to kick all the handsome soldiers out of my bedroom. #confusing

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8/9 @ 2:53 PM
danieltosh - i’m so proud of team usa for kicking the shit out of that refugee country. #usa

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8/9 @ 2:39 PM
danieltosh - between deep dish pizza and gross salad-covered hot dogs, chicago has ruined the two best american foods.

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8/9 @ 1:12 PM
danieltosh - rough session last night. need to spend most of the day cupping my butthole to recover. #tosh summer finale tonight!

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8/2 @ 10:29 PM
danieltosh - i hope you all found what you were looking for tonight. if not, there’s always next week. -dt #tosh

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8/2 @ 10:00 PM
danieltosh - my replies to your tweets tonight will be automatically generated by comedy central's new a.i. robots. #tosh

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8/2 @ 9:30 PM
danieltosh - please be respectful of our west coast viewers tonight and refrain from tweeting about anything specific from the show. #tosh in 30 minutes

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8/2 @ 7:46 PM
danieltosh - sorry about my snapchat request for pics of black penises. i was hacked. unless you have pics of black penises. then please send those to me

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8/2 @ 7:40 PM
danieltosh - trump won't release his taxes because he doesn't want to reveal he's poor and ruin his chances of banging ivanka. new #tosh sode tonight!

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8/2 @ 2:13 PM
danieltosh - real mature, mother nature. this is a family hike! https://t.co/Ktf1ini9jq

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8/2 @ 1:22 PM
danieltosh - yes, it’s always the president of the united states’ fault that your life blows.

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7/26 @ 10:31 PM
danieltosh - goodnight. see you next tuesday and every tuesday thereafter for the rest of your life.

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7/26 @ 9:58 PM
danieltosh - new #tosh starts now! i will answer all questions about the show and the future of this great land of ours.

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7/26 @ 9:47 PM
danieltosh - best 3 presidential movies: dave, first kid, and white house down. (honorable mention: olympus has fallen)

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7/26 @ 9:31 PM
danieltosh - you have 30 minutes to doll yourself up and slip into something extremely stain resistant. send a pic and i will approve. #tosh

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7/26 @ 9:03 PM
danieltosh - no matter who wins this election, i’m moving to canada... or doing a tour in canada… or going to whistler for the weekend. #tosh in 57 mins!

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7/26 @ 1:40 PM
danieltosh - willie aames AND erin moran are speaking tonight! suck it rnc! #demsinphilly

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7/26 @ 1:16 PM
danieltosh - wait, is there still time to tell jojo i love her? #stopcrying we get it. you’re so torn.

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7/20 @ 11:57 AM
danieltosh - “hitting mug with toothbrush 5208 times” https://t.co/N43AB83vsY #arttwitic

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7/20 @ 11:56 AM
danieltosh - “putting book on a bench” https://t.co/9ihFSdLlxK #arttwitic

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7/20 @ 11:56 AM
danieltosh - “touching door with baguette” https://t.co/1PeOqS0IxD #arttwitic

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7/20 @ 11:56 AM
danieltosh - “waffle falling over” https://t.co/bwzuN7mhbl #arttwitic

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7/20 @ 11:56 AM
danieltosh - boys and girls, new segment for next week’s sode called “art twitic.” please interpret and explain the following 4 links:

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