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DANIELTOSH on Twitter

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http://www.twitter.com/DANIELTOSH
2/24 @ 10:31 PM
danieltosh - thank you so much for watching. sorry for not being able to air the final curtain of distraction distraction. comedy central won this round.

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2/24 @ 9:59 PM
danieltosh - remember, tonight’s safe word is ‘gronkowski’ - new #tosh starts now!

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2/24 @ 9:32 PM
danieltosh - it’s tuesday, you know what that means… try not to stab any puerto ricans. and new #tosh in 28 minutes.

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2/24 @ 7:58 PM
danieltosh - it’s tuesday, you know what that means... let’s get #oscars trending!

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2/24 @ 5:16 PM
danieltosh - it’s tuesday, you know what that means... time to rock out to some buckcherry. http://t.co/7eqhO6ymCT

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2/24 @ 3:20 PM
danieltosh - it’s tuesday, you know what that means… call your dad and tell him he has a little dick!

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2/24 @ 1:54 PM
danieltosh - it’s tuesday, you know what that means… eat a burrito!

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2/18 @ 1:11 PM
danieltosh - my waking thought this morning: “why is sam rockwell not in every movie?” and “what is the name of my housekeepers son who’s staring at me?”

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2/18 @ 1:01 PM
danieltosh - the great nor’easter tour of 2015 is on sale now with password "tosh" http://t.co/oWebZVncjl i will be looking to start a family in halifax!

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2/18 @ 1:00 PM
danieltosh - DON’T buy from 3rd party ticket brokers. if it sells out i will most likely add a show; if that sells out save your money and adopt a dog.

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2/18 @ 9:58 AM
danieltosh - tickets for the great nor’easter tour on sale now with password "tosh" http://t.co/oWebZVncjl boston, halifax, nantucket and so much more!!!

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2/17 @ 10:30 PM
danieltosh - halifax, new england, new york, and hershey, tickets for the great nor’easter tour go on sale tomorrow at 10am!!! http://t.co/oWebZVncjl

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2/17 @ 10:30 PM
danieltosh - thank you to everyone who continues to make #tosh the number 1 show on http://t.co/da4YwmPOIa for 7 years in a row.

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2/17 @ 10:01 PM
danieltosh - #printscharming

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2/17 @ 9:59 PM
danieltosh - let’s chat!!! if you have a smart tv, we can directly communicate. just shout at the screen using #tosh

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2/17 @ 9:31 PM
danieltosh - 29 minutes until you remember what it feels like to laugh. new #tosh tonight!!

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2/17 @ 9:19 PM
danieltosh - on the season premiere of #tosh in 41 minutes, you will see the stunning results of yet another of my high risk cosmetic surgeries.

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2/17 @ 8:29 PM
danieltosh - i’m so horny to come into your homes again tonight. see you in an hour and a half! #tosh #blessed #hornyblessed

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2/17 @ 4:00 PM
danieltosh - everything you know and love about #tosh is going to change on tonight’s season premiere. new wardrobe, set, music, and ‘tude!!

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2/17 @ 3:48 PM
danieltosh - rank the following heroes: a us soldier, a fireman, an attentive mother, superman. #tosh season premiere tonight!

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2/17 @ 1:19 PM
danieltosh - watch the premiere of #tosh based solely on the fact that i dont RT whenever people say how great i am, which would clog your feed for miles

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2/16 @ 7:36 PM
danieltosh - i’ve heard your complaints and fired my entire staff (except for the women and 1 minority). hope to earn back your trust. new #tosh tomorrow

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2/13 @ 10:47 AM
danieltosh - i don't care that "chomping at the bit" is technically wrong, if you say "champing at the bit," we should go our separate ways. #osshole

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2/10 @ 8:39 PM
danieltosh - for those implying i had anything to do with #jonstewart being let go, know that this was a very tough but necessary decision for all of us.

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2/9 @ 1:06 PM
danieltosh - reminder fellas: today is the absolute last day to break up with your girlfriend. you have until 5pm.

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2/6 @ 1:34 PM
danieltosh - hey everybody, just a reminder to watch my new special tonight on comedy central. it’s called “matt braunger: big, dumb animal”

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1/27 @ 12:56 PM
danieltosh - andre the giant was an avid scuba diver. he could hold his breath for 2 days. #andrethegiantfacts

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1/27 @ 12:55 PM
danieltosh - despite his massive hands, andre the giant was an expert model ship builder. #andrethegiantfacts

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1/27 @ 12:55 PM
danieltosh - the only human being bigger than andre the giant was the bible’s goliath. #andrethegiantfacts

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1/27 @ 12:54 PM
danieltosh - andre the giant’s muddled voice was the result of a plum he kept in his mouth at all times. #andrethegiantfacts

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1/27 @ 12:51 PM
danieltosh - andre the giant was rumored to have stuck his finger up hulk hogan’s and many other superstars’s butts during matches. #andrethegiantfacts

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1/27 @ 12:48 PM
danieltosh - the movie ‘my giant’ was originally written for andre the giant, but he died before he could appear in it. #andrethegiantfacts

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1/27 @ 12:47 PM
danieltosh - andre’s classic one-arm singlet was specifically designed to hide a back brace he needed to wear. #andrethegiantfacts

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1/27 @ 12:45 PM
danieltosh - andre the giant always secretly wished to see a broadway show, but never went. he didn’t want to block anyone’s view. #andrethegiantfacts

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1/27 @ 12:44 PM
danieltosh - writer/poet samuel beckett, who won a nobel prize in literature, used to drive andre the giant to school. #andrethegiantfacts

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1/27 @ 12:43 PM
danieltosh - andre the giant used to sign his checks “andre the giant.” #andrethegiantfacts

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1/27 @ 12:42 PM
danieltosh - andre the giant was french and drank 7,000 calories of alcohol a day. #andrethegiantfacts

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1/27 @ 12:41 PM
danieltosh - andre the giant died 22 years ago today. he would’ve been 68 years old and over 17 feet tall by now. #andrethegiantfacts

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1/18 @ 6:49 PM
danieltosh - great day for the "12th man," seahawks win a thriller and thunder up big at the half.

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1/18 @ 6:31 PM
danieltosh - congrats to the "12th man"!!!!! never doubted.

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