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9/2 @ 10:43 AM
TheOnion - [American Voices] Dogs Get Separation Anxiety When Kids Leave For School http://t.co/LoHTV4r7ju #WhatDoYouThink?

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9/2 @ 10:08 AM
TheOnion - In Focus: Coworkers Nationwide Embrace Tearfully After Painful 3-Day Separation http://t.co/eJdY90VFzx http://t.co/85NZSQUIGj

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9/2 @ 10:04 AM
someecards - 6 new contenders for the most outstanding comment ever left on a Facebook photo. http://t.co/Bm03XVj6To http://t.co/hhUxlA8X5s

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9/2 @ 9:35 AM
TheOnion - In Focus: Waitstaff Tired Of Sleeping With Each Other http://t.co/Idl2LurV6p

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9/2 @ 9:30 AM
someecards - Case of the Tuesdays: http://t.co/eIVgoB99Rt http://t.co/s9P3XY9Wci

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9/2 @ 4:31 AM
steveagee - I just washed my feet better than Jesus ever could have!!!

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9/2 @ 3:54 AM
serafinowicz - "I will continue to store my photos in the cloud." - God

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9/2 @ 1:55 AM
DaneCook - “@MillerNath0823: @DaneCook the best was seeing you share a stage with Steve Martin #justforlaughs” - I need pix from that night.

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9/2 @ 1:52 AM
JimGaffigan - Can someone go in the other room and get my phone charger? DO I HAVE TO DO EVERYTHING!!

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9/2 @ 1:28 AM
JimGaffigan - When are you supposed to stop eating bratwurst? Just kidding. I know the answer is death.

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9/2 @ 1:15 AM
DaneCook - #atwork http://t.co/eZfsAJRepy

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9/2 @ 1:10 AM
JimGaffigan - “@joederosacomedy: NEW ALBUM: Mistakes Were Made: The B-Sides is officially available on @iTunes and @amazonmusic!” Buy it! Joe is great

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9/2 @ 1:00 AM
woot - $27.99 : Sony STAMINA PLUS Alkaline Batteries http://t.co/kQfGCA4aYK

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9/1 @ 11:24 PM
DaneCook - Never let go of your nightmares.

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9/1 @ 11:19 PM
MarlonWayans - Me and @affioncrockett bugging out promoting #ahauntedhouse2 it's on DVD and BLURAY cop that http://t.co/kjYLbQAUGg

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9/1 @ 10:27 PM
ConanOBrien - On this Labor Day I'd like to salute the millions of Americans who day in and day out type 140 letters and hit Send.

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9/1 @ 10:25 PM
JimGaffigan - Here is a pic of @jeanniegaffigan eating corn, her brother Vin and my feet. @ BratwurstLand http://t.co/e6jakGdBuL

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9/1 @ 10:22 PM
JimGaffigan - .@jeanniegaffigan refuses to rub my feet. Some Labor Day!

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9/1 @ 9:38 PM
DaneCook - You can't dance your way out of debt no matter how much you Vine it.

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9/1 @ 9:28 PM
JimGaffigan - Interesting Fact: Every time someone in the Midwest swims in a lake Kid Rock makes a $1.

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9/1 @ 9:19 PM
woot - $239.99 : KitchenAid 5-Qt. Stand Mixer - 9 Colors LAST CALL http://t.co/kQfGCA4aYK

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9/1 @ 9:10 PM
nerdist - Hear hear, @LydiaHearst! http://t.co/v9U8WLh1k2

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9/1 @ 8:51 PM
margaretcho - There are nude photos of me actually leaking but nobody has said anything about those.

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9/1 @ 8:00 PM
TheOnion - Secretary Of Interior Says Knocking Down Mountain Range Could Really Open Nation Up http://t.co/y73q3E46qx http://t.co/v4ypbbOvZk

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9/1 @ 7:52 PM
kathygriffin - Dear @Joan_Rivers, FYI the flowers u JUST sent me r still goin strong! Thinking of U every minute. LUV U #JoanRivers http://t.co/VWXe0Xb85e

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9/1 @ 7:48 PM
adamcarolla - yes RT Including In Vitro, doctor bills, iPads, helmets for correcting skulls, is Molly still more expensive than Sonny and Natalia?

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9/1 @ 7:42 PM
KevinHart4real - RT @kelseybrooke416: #mcm remember that time I met @kevinhart4real and he took a selfie with me? http://t.co/6PydpbABhC <I remember lol

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9/1 @ 7:42 PM
KevinHart4real - RT @DanJColantonio: @KevinHart4real Just saw the trailer for "The Wedding Ringer". Looks funny! Another winner! Can't wait!<it's Hilarious

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9/1 @ 7:38 PM
KevinHart4real - Yes indeed....Live your life for YOU people.... http://t.co/GSdGfC2n6U

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9/1 @ 7:15 PM
badbanana - Now that summer is unofficially over, it's "weird adults getting way too excited for Halloween" season.

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9/1 @ 6:43 PM
MarlonWayans - J's on my feet! ewillis630 them boys swaggin' ha!they killing yo timbos! Ha! http://t.co/xOJ4romdNn

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9/1 @ 6:00 PM
funnyordie - Happy Labor Day! If you ate less than 12 hot dogs today, you blew it.

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9/1 @ 5:45 PM
TheOnion - Students who won’t bother saying goodbye to their stepdad before leaving: 37% http://t.co/2jX8M7Rtht http://t.co/ETZBDnUTAZ

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9/1 @ 5:35 PM
KevinHart4real - #Dopeness #Philly #FreeMeekMill #LiveOnSunday #Droppa #iFeltTallLastNight #iSweatedMyShirtOut ... http://t.co/btsCoR1B7a

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9/1 @ 5:29 PM
ElizabethBanks - Happy Labor Day from me to you!

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9/1 @ 5:24 PM
DaneCook - There are so many people changing their passwords to 12345 today hoping their pix get "hacked" and put online.

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9/1 @ 5:10 PM
badbanana - I remember when a hacker was someone who murdered people by chopping them into tiny pieces. A simpler, more innocent time.

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9/1 @ 4:54 PM
michaelianblack - If you can't stop, the fact that you won't stop doesn't even come into play.

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9/1 @ 4:47 PM
steveagee - sounds like the new neighbor's moved in upstairs and is already a nightmare.

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9/1 @ 4:45 PM
serafinowicz - Maybe the best Viz page ever. RT @robertpopper: I almost had a heart attack reading this from the new @vizcomic http://t.co/W8Pij5Kyk9

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