In 2014, "The Tonight Show" returned to its New York origins when "The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon" made its broadcast debut from Studio 6B in Rockefeller Center. Emmy Award- and Grammy Award-winning comedian Jimmy Fallon brings a high-tempo energy to the storied NBC franchise with his welcoming interview style, love of audience participation, spot-on impersonations and innovative sketches.
An American television institution for almost 60 years, "The Tonight Show" continues to be a home to big-name celebrity guests and a stage for top musical and comedic talent. Taking a cue from his unforgettable predecessors, including hosts Johnny Carson and Jay Leno, Fallon carrys on the tradition that audiences know and love - kicking off every show with the iconic "Tonight Show" monologue.
Below, check out quoateables from last week's shows!
Jimmy Fallon Quoteables 4.27.15
Yeah, that's the big story. Bruce told Diane Sawyer, quote, "For all intents and purposes, I'm a woman." At which point, Joe Biden ran in and started giving him a shoulder rub. (He doesn't waste any time, that guy.)
Oh, this isn't good. There are reports that the Russians who hacked into the White House computer system were able to read some of President Obama's emails. Or as Putin put it, (PUTIN) "So he DID get e-vite to my 'Game of Thrones' premiere party!" (He said it went to spam folder!)"
Of course, Hillary Clinton's presidential campaign is in full swing, and she has organized a support team in all 50 states. While her potential opponents are still in only one state: denial. (Well, my MOM says she might vote for me!)
And many believe that during her speech in New York City last week, Hillary Clinton was channeling President Obama. Especially because that speech (OBAMA SLOW) uh....still..hasn't ended yet."
That's right, many believe that Hillary Clinton was channeling President Obama during her speech in New York City. Yeah, she focused on equality, justice, and how hard it was for her, growing up as a young black man in Hawaii.
Jimmy Fallon Quotables 4.28.15
But it's not good. I saw that during the riots, countless businesses have been broken into and robbed. In fact, they say the only way to keep your business safe is to put a big RadioShack sign on the front. They won't go near it. "They took my answering machine. They went away with five headphone splitters."
Let's get to some political news. I saw that Hillary Clinton wrote an op-ed for a paper in Iowa, where she talked about her plans to help the middle class. Middle class Americans were like, "Why didn't you just say that in a speech?" and she was like, (CHUCKLE) "Cuz I charge 200 thousand dollars for a speech."
Speaking of Hillary. A new poll shows that her support is slipping in Virginia, while Jeb Bush is gaining support. Then again, how could a guy with the name "Jeb" NOT have an advantage in Virginia? He sounds like a jug player in the "Country Bear Jamboree." (HICK) "Take it, Jeb!"
And one of the potential challengers to Hillary Clinton is former Maryland Governor Martin O'Malley, whose big claim to fame is reducing the spread of crime back when he was Mayor of Baltimore. Or as Americans are saying today, "What else you got?"
And during a recent press conference, former president Jimmy Carter said that he could never run for president today because he doesn't have a lot of money. Well, that and the fact that he's the famously bad president Jimmy Carter.
Well, the Royal Baby watch is still going on. And get this. New research suggests that the arrival of the second Royal Baby will boost the U.K.'s economy by 120 million dollars. Which is surprising. I didn't even know they were planning to sell it.
Oh this wasn't good. I saw that Blackberry is being criticized after it misspelled the word "won" in an ad celebrating a design award. Instead of w-o-n they put o-n-e. In a statement, Blackberry apologized for the spelling mistake and promised the person responsible has been fried.
But finally, the big tech news is the new Apple watch, which officially launched today. And get this, there's apparently a new trend of people cutting actual apples and strapping them to their wrists in celebration of the Apple Watch. And if you shop at Whole Foods, it actually ends up costing as much as the real thing. (This is a $700 apple).
Jimmy Fallon Quotables 4.29.15
That's right, Vermont Senator Bernie Sanders is expected to announce tomorrow that he is running for president, making him Hillary Clinton's only Democratic challenger so far. Or as Hillary put it, (HUNGRY) "Oooo, appetizers!"
Speaking of the campaign. I saw that Hillary Clinton tweeted her support for same-sex marriage with the hashtag, "Love Can't Wait." Then Bill leaned in for a kiss and she was like, "Not now!" (It can wait a LITTLE I'm busy.)
Let's see what's happening in Washington. Last night, President Obama hosted a state dinner, and the guests included Japanese Prime Minister Sheenzo Ahbeh, Actor George Takay, and Seattle Seahawks quarterback Russell Wilson. The theme for the event was "Nothing In Common". An evening of "awkward smiles" and "painful silences."
And I heard that while promoting the docu-series about his failed Congressional run, Clay Aiken called his former opponent Renee Ellmers an idiot. She was like, "What did you say?" and he was like, "Did I Studdard?" (He's still obsessed with Ruben Studdard! It's been 10 years!)
I read about a new reality show over on
CBS where a family must decide whether to keep 101 thousand dollars in a briefcase or give it away to another family. The show's called, "Yeah, We'll Keep the Briefcase."
(It's the first 10-second-long show in history.)
And this is sweet. I heard that a 91-year-old woman in the U.K. recently got engaged to her 102-year-old boyfriend, which would make them the oldest newlyweds in the world. They're really happy, and said they can't wait to spend the rest of their week together. Sorry, the week.
Jimmy Fallon Quotables 4.30.15
I heard that Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen attended a fundraiser for Hillary Clinton in New York City this week. Hillary told them, "Good luck with the reboot of your 90s show." And they said, "Thanks! Good luck with yours!"
Check this out. I read that "Furious 7" just became the highest grossing movie of all time in China. Of course in China, "Furious 7" is about seven dads who just found out their kids aren't going to medical school.
(CROSS ARMS, SHAKE HEAD)
Let's check out what's going on in sports. I saw that the NFL recently agreed to give up its tax-exempt status. It sounds like a big change, but on the bright side, the Philadelphia Eagles can still write off Tim Tebow's salary as a charitable donation.
And finally, this is just crazy. Floyd Mayweather said he would make around 200 million dollars for his fight on Saturday against Manny Pacquiao. Meanwhile, the horse that wins the Kentucky Derby will get an extra carrot for doing all the work.
Jimm Fallon Quotables 5.1.15
Of course, tomorrow is the 141st running of the Kentucky Derby! Yeah, it's that special time of year when people use a two minute event as an excuse to drink for twelve hours. (BUZZED) It's really exciting. Mint Juleps...
As you all know, the Kentucky Derby is a race that lets rich people throw money at a bunch of weird sounding names - which is another way of describing the presidential race so far. (Do I want to bet on Jeb? Rand?)
I heard that the favorite to win the Derby is a horse called American Pharoah, followed by Dortmund and Carpe Diem. And picked to finish last: Gluestick McTacoMeat. I don't want to bet on that. Sounds like a long shot.
And get this. I read that Churchill Downs, which hosts the Kentucky Derby, has banned the use of
SELFIE sticks this year. Officials say that if you want to block someone's view of the race, just do what everyone else does and wear insanely giant hat.
Actually, sports fans are gearing up for a ton of events tomorrow, including the Mayweather-Pacquiao fight, the Kentucky Derby, the NFL Draft, the Red Sox-Yankees game and the NBA and NHL playoffs. Or as Moms put it, (MOM) "Ohhh we better be going someplace GOOOOD for Mother's Day next weekend." You owe me for this one.
Yeah, you got the fight, the Derby, the draft, basketball, baseball and hockey. And then on Sunday, there's
GAME OF THRONES - not the show, you and your dad fighting over the bathroom after four pizzas and 50 chicken wings.
And as you might expect, there's been a lot of trash-talking leading up to the Mayweather-Pacquiao fight. In fact, in a recent interview, Pacquiao's trainer Freddie Roach said that he thinks Mayweather may not even show up. When asked why, Roach said, "He only clicked 'Maybe' on the Facebook invite." (Hate when people do that.)
And everybody was talking about this today. Microsoft has developed a new website called "how-old.net," that guesses how old you look based on your pictures. Here's how it works: if you log in with a Hotmail or
AOL account, you're old.
Oh and check this out. Starbucks is offering a limited edition Mother's Day gift that features a special box with a 50-dollar gift card that actually costs 200 dollars. It's the perfect way to tell your mom "Thank you, for raising an idiot!"
