What's it like for this kid?

[South Florida]

I'm pretty sure someone I know is gay, when he was a kid he swooned over Fiyero, and not the girls.  He has never had a love interest openly, all his best friends have been girls, he is nearing his mid 20's.  His mother and both of his sisters are devout Jehovah's Witnesses.  Has anybody seen something similar happen?

[artscallion]

I work in the theatre department of a college and I see it all the time. You'd think in times like these and in a supportive place like theatre, it would be simple to be out and proud. But it usually goes back to the family. Even in these times, there are lots of families still rigid in their beliefs that gay is wrong. This can be for religious or cultural reasons. Its very sad that these kids can be so close to open happy gays, yet so far from being one themselves. It's becoming the new gay version of the old maid.
I actually know a guy, now in his forties, who went through this and ended up marrying a really homely, socially awkward girl. They both platonically fill each other's need to appear straight and normal.

[South Florida]

His father is straight, and when I say to him, you know your kid is probably gay, he brushes it off, "maybe he is", he's like that and it wouldn't make an ounce of difference to him.  He's not a Jehovah and I always have wondered why the father just hasn't come out and said to him, "don't worry about your mother's nonsense, be who you are."  But then I guess he's not respecting his wife's position.  What would you recommend or not recommend what that Dad should do?

 

[South Florida]

Besides divorce.

 

[Call_me_jorge]

Have the dad bring the mom to wicked and then she'll be an atheist!

[haterobics]

Just because he is not openly gay doesn't mean he's not sure/accepting that he's gay yet. There is no connection between the two.

What everyone should do is let the kid live his life, and when he's ready (and if he's gay) he'll come out. Pretty easy.

[SNAFU]

Was going to say the same thing Haterobics. His sexuality and decision to come out, if need be, is his decision and should be no concern of anybody else.

[South Florida]

Thank you 

 

[Jay Lerner-Z]

Breaking news : homophobia exists. This guy's situation is hardly unique, and is replicated all over the US and all over the world to varying degrees. This seems like brand new information to you, so I guess it's a good thing your eyes are being somewhat opened, but leave the kid alone. It's creepy. I'm sure he would really appreciate your public speculation, and your casually outing him to his father.

Assuming he even exists.

[South Florida]

I was looking for a similar situation with someone with family who are Jehovah's.  Me writing in here is not publicly outing anyone.  

[South Florida]

You're a strange one Jay.  Do you know lots of people who invent stuff?  What possible reason could someone have for making this stuff up?

[Jay Lerner-Z]

It's just so often when I read your posts, I think to myself "you can not possibly be a real person!".

No offense.

[Cupid Boy2]

South Florida said: "He's not a Jehovah and I always have wondered why the father just hasn't come out and said to him, "don't worry about your mother's nonsense, be who you are."  But then I guess he's not respecting his wife's position.  What would you recommend or not recommend what that Dad should do?"

For all you know, he very well may have already had a conversation like that with his son, and for the sake of maintaining stability at home, he may not want to make that known to people like yourself who feel the need to so openly speculate about their family dynamics.

 

[South Florida]

Thanks, I'm gonna ask you guys to not consider this post any longer.  This is way too specific a question re the Jehovah aspect.  Jay, you're mistaken about me.  I'm too honest.

[PalJoey]

His father is straight, and when I say to him, you know your kid is probably gay

 

This is maybe the most despicable thing you've ever done in your life. Butt out, buster. The kid's father is acting more enlightened than you will ever be.

 

[South Florida]

Just like with Hillary you overreact.  I've done way more despicable things than tell a friend I think his kid is a closeted gay.

 

[South Florida]

And yet nobody has come forth about the Jehovah aspect, so please, I ask you again, if you don't have anything to add to the original question, go away and let this post die.

[haterobics]

Seems kind of obvious if the mother is religious, the kid may avoid the subject more. But if he's not, it seems to not be an issue. JWs don't have any unique spin on being repressive and backwards in this regard.

[javero]

Homohate is real as well.  I have several much younger cousins who are openly gay or lesbian around me and a few other more understanding older family members.  But, we do NOT out them before the family's old guard including their grandparents and my parents who would only cause a great deal of suffering for my young relatives.  Also, we are a very tight-knit bunch so most of us would simply not entertain any inquiries from outsiders into the private lives of any family members, especially the younger ones.  As others have suggested, perhaps the dad knows already but is simply being polite South Florida by not asking you to butt out.  So, consider giving it a break even if it's your own nephew.

[Jay Lerner-Z]

The "kid" may not even be gay at all. It's probably just SF projecting wildly. All he seems to be going on is vague circumstantial evidence and tired stereotypes. 

He doesn't really strike me as somebody likely to have good gaydar.