Let’s talk about Golden Girls.... One of the funniest episodes has Rose mistakenly booking Blanche and Dorothy on a talk show where they’re introduced as lesbian lovers. When the two ladies go along with the ruse, it’s not for any corny, inspirational reason—it’s because if they don’t do it, Rose will lose her job and spend all her time at home, telling boring St. Olaf stories. Still, their pseudo lesbianism becomes a little bit touching, and it ends up helping Blanche’s love life when a buffoonish guy wants to lure her away from sapphism by showing what a “real man” is like in the sack!
Intriguing gay references are sprinkled throughout the series, which is no surprise considering that one of its writer/producers was Marc Cherry, the openly gay TV force who went on to do the equally pink Desperate Housewives. It was pretty special when Rose revealed that St. Olaf’s most noted author, Hans Christian Lukerhuven, wrote the immortal fable “Hansel and Hansel” or that the town’s most fabulous hairdresser was none other than Mr. Ingrid.
But I happen to know the real reason why gay guys have always responded so feverishly to the show: the Golden Girls are basically gay men in dresses! Dorothy (Beatrice Arthur) is the bitchy queen who’s armed with sarcasm and slow burns, but who can give you a shoulder pad to cry on when need be. Blanche (Rue McClanahan) is the slutty gay who validates himself via how many men want him and what they’ll do to get him, though deep down he’s just longing to be loved. Rose (Betty White) is the ditsy twink—not dumb, exactly, just endlessly naïve and literal minded, and rather sweet on top of it, especially useful on those occasions when sincerity is called for. And Sophia is the old gay in the corner, the one telling stories of the golden days in between saying devastating things that are often spot-on truths based on experience.
This morning's episode (one of them there's a two hour block on the Hallmark Channel) featured Dorothy & Stan having "earth-moving" sex in Stan's old Studebaker. Dorothy explained how it happened:
"Stan stopped the car and.... I thought I was setting his parking brake."