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The Onion Sends Up Neil Simon & David Mamet In Hilarious Mock Essay

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The Onion Sends Up Neil Simon & David Mamet In Hilarious Mock EssayReliably amusing internet satire staple The Onion has turned its attention to two of America's most well-known and acclaimed contemporary playwrights and screenwriters, Neil Simon and David Mamet, in a new essay all too appropriately titled "Any Of You C*cksuckers Feel Like A New F*cking Neil Simon Play?"

Entirely from the perspective of pseudo-Simon, the tone and style is straight out of charged-up Mamet scenes ala GLENGARRY GLEN ROSS, complete with their characteristic brute force and outlandishly colorful bad language running rampant.

The essay begins, "So I got to thinking the other day. I was looking through the countless Tony awards, Emmy awards, honorary degrees, and Pulitzer Prizes I've received over my celebrated 52-year career and it hit me: You know what, it's been quite a while since I, Neil Simon, lit up the Great White Way with one of my bittersweet theatrical confections. So how 'bout it, as*holes-any of you sons of bitches feel like a new show from yours f*cking truly?"

The title line appears next in a clear cut tip of the hat to Mamet, "That's right, I'm talking about a brand-new sh*t-hot piece of certified Neil Simon gold. Any of you c*cksuckers up for that?"

The playwright's own theater is hilariously referenced as well, "Put it up at the Lyceum, or at the Palace. Or maybe we get a 36-week run at the Neil F*cking Simon Theatre and I bag another couple Tony noms and a Drama Desk Award. Holy hell, don't you realize how easy this is for me? What a joke this is?"

Check out the entire The Onion article here.

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Pat Cerasaro Pat Cerasaro is BroadwayWorld's Chief Interviewer and Senior Editor, contributing exclusive columns including InDepth InterViews, Sound Off, Flash Fridays as well as additional special features and extensive news coverage. His work for the site has appeared in The New York Times, US Weekly, The Biography Channel, NBC and more.